Friday, May 30, 2008

And, now for a word from MJagger

I'm an equal opportunity blogger; thus, here is some unedited babbling from MJagger:

"MJagger here, why M before the Jagger you wonder well for Madonna of course. However, my dog is Jagger whom I love more than Madge herself and of course the dog is named after the rock icon Mick Jagger. Yes, I live a sad small existence, idolizing music heros! But they make me happy! I would just like to add the purchasing of the tickets was HORRIBLE! If only I had lost some weight over the whole ordeal. However, for all of those wondering the tickets at face value are $350, for row 2. We paid slightly over that, which I know why would anyone throw good money away on CONCERT TICKETS??? Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I have no hobbies! I don't buy purses, no Jimmy Choos, my house is not decorated, no cool in style furniture, no modern/fancy decorations. I don't scrap, I don't crochet, I belong to no clubs. This is what I like to save my money up for and spend it on! Thank god, I have found someone in this world that has this same perverse ideal of how to have a good time, at any cost! :)

However, I did comment that not only should I have second row for what I paid for my ticket, I should get on stage and like get to make out with Madonna for what I paid! However, I know I will have a good time in the second row with all the faitful iconer fans that are as nuts as Addi Warrior Princess and me! I will comment again, after the show but got go, I only got 4 minutes!"

P.S. and, now a comment from Wild Mama: " Three cheers for MJagger and AddiWP!! I say do what you want, when you want, because someday you may not be able to want."

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

I had originally thought of titling this blog "Sticky and Sweet, Drippy and Wet" but that seemed so insanely obscene that even I wouldn't do that. This nixed title would refer to Madonna's upcoming concert tour AND the wife's new kitchen sink fixtures.

Observe! Here is the wife's latest pride and joy--a new facet, complete with soap dispenser and pull out sprayer. Next to it is, of course, Madonna's latest album, "Hard Candy." The wife and I obviously have very different priorities. She can't understand why I would want to spend money on concert tickets instead of home improvements/upgrades while I can't understand why anyone would go out and buy a new kitchen faucet when there was absolutely nothing wrong with the original one. She has reminded me several times that she could have purchased several new faucets for the house for the price of one Madonna ticket.....

.....which brings me to the Madonna ticket fiasco.

Thank you, by the way, to all you concerned blog readers who offered help, advice and information. The emails, phone calls, personal contacts and offers for therapy were much appreciated. I guess you DO really understand my pain, addiction and psychosis. Chicago, Denver, San Diego-- all sorts of options for attending a Madonna Concert. I think my favorite contact was my sister calling me by phone at work to alert me Madonna had added a second concert in Chicago and she wanted to make sure I knew this and that she hoped I could get a ticket for this show. (What says "I love you?" more than that kind of call? NOTHING!)

Yes, you heard me: Madonna added another show in Chicago.

You would think this would lead to sheer pleasure for me and MJagger, as we could get tickets for this second show but not much could be further from the truth. In fact, we were well aware of this second show.....quite to our dismay. Why, you ask? Because MJagger had indeed secured us tickets to the first/original show......

..........but at a brutal, brutal cost.

So, the awesome news is that MJagger scored us SECOND ROW SEATS for the Chicago Madonna concert on October 26, 2008 which is so exciting that my head almost imploded when she told me. SECOND ROW!!!! SECOND ROW!!! DEAR GOD, SECOND ROW!!!!!

The not so awesome news is that the price of those two tickets would make most of you run to the bathroom to vomit. We have sworn on Madonna's bra not to tell the cost except to our significant others (and trust me, they would rather not know what we paid). Suffice it to say that none of you would probably choke up the amount paid for anything short of a vacation to the Greek Isles.....or a whole new marble sink & counter top with real gold faucet.

"How did this happen? How did you get tickets?" you ask--rightly so. After all, last time you heard from me I had no ticket and a whole lot of nothing. Well, while I was busy hanging out in the Pacific Ocean, MJagger was a very, very busy young lady. After much angst, she bid on two tickets in an auction. She knew the winning tickets would be in Row 1-9. That's it. No guarantee except that. So, she plugged in a number and hoped for the best. Of course, after submitting the bid, she had terminal buyer's remorse and would have sold her soul to get her bid back, but once you click on the "I AGREE" button three times, they are pretty sure you wanted the tickets and there is no backing out. (Side note: MJagger had to make this decision of bidding while I was on vacation. I imagine she aged about 20 years during this ordeal and thus thank her for her actions. It would have been a lot simpler had I been in the country when this was all going on.) Her next thought was that we would never win the auction as she has never previously won one of these auctions. Au contraire! As a faithful Madonna Whore who has much faith in the Universe, she should have known the Universe was not going to let us go on in life without Madonna tickets to that concert.......

....and thus, The Universe (and a handy, dandy VISA card) did indeed deliver two Madonna tickets, smack dab in the second row.

Giddy, giddy, giddy! We prance around saying stupid things like, "SECOND ROW!" and "GET UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT!" We sing songs from the new album. I find myself professing love for this album (yes, the one I originally wasn't very enamored with). We imagine what she will wear and what songs she will sing. We fantasize that Justin Timberlake or Kanye West might show up to sing at the concert. We get so excited that at times we forget to breathe.

I am sure most will find us to be quite painfully obnoxious by the time we finally make it to the concert. But, it's Madonna, we are Madonna Whores and it is meant to be.....

So, if you come over to visit, make sure to "ooooh" and "ahhhhh" over the new faucet thingy BEFORE you mention the word "Madonna." And, for pete's sake, don't ask me how much we paid for those tickets. You don't actually think I'd go back on my "Madonna Bra promise to secrecy," do you?

Monday, May 26, 2008

Vacation Memories a go-go

Last night, while eating dinner with Master Reiki and Blue Eyes, they asked me what my favorite part of vacation was. I had to think about this and thus I chewed on my home-made pasta- pineapple- grapes-almond-mayo salad slowly. There was a lot to consider. I decided the memory that stands out most for me (notice I said stands out for me--I'm not sure it qualifies as a favorite memory) was eating dinner in a cabana and worrying about a go-go dancer at a bar after said dinner. This was BEFORE the cruise at a dinner with Dos Marias and four of their San Diegan friends.

I do believe this made the wife almost choke on her pasta salad. After all, who goes on a cruise and has a favorite memory that comes from before the cruise?

Mind you, there was nothing wrong with the cruise and a good time was had by all.
I don't want anyone misconstruing what I'm writing here. It's not that the cruise wasn't better or good or that I didn't enjoy it. It's just that this go-go dancer issue came to the forefront of my mind when asked this question.

The night before setting sail on our cruise, we went to this really nice, outdoor restaurant for a tapas-type dinner (you know, where you order all these plates of food and share with everyone because the portions are designed to be small and to be shared). I love tapas. What's not to love? It was happy hour, so Dos Marias and their four friends were enjoying fancy beverages of all kinds. (I stuck to cranberry juice. On the rocks. In a fancy glass. With a straw.) The eight of us were seated in the outdoor cabana, which was really, really nice and really, really fun. We had one of the gayest waiters on the planet, which added to the entertainment. (I'm thinking all the waiters at the place were gay but as I didn't check their gay licenses, I'm not 100% sure. Ha ha.) As it was the exact day the California Supreme Court had ruled that not allowing gays to marry was wrong, everyone was in giddy moods and were talking about their now-pending marriages. (Of course, it was noted during this festive dinner that the California people will most likely vote in a constitutional amendment deeming marriage to be only between a man and a woman, but no one let this fact dampen the excitement of the evening.) It was still early by the time we finished our dinner and thus we went to a bar next door, as suggested by the six San Diegan hostesses.

Here is where my go-go dancer enters the picture.

There weren't many people at the bar at the time we entered (it WAS early for bar time), but there was already a go-go dancer a go-go-ing. There she was on her little stage, next to her shiny pole, white patent leather six-inch platforms grooving to the music. She was like 12 years old or something and was cute and reminded me of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader--wholesome enough but still a go-go dancer. Quite to the wife's dismay, I personally didn't want to dance because I didn't want to sweat (I swear to you this is true) as I was going to have to wear these shirt and pants again sometime during the trip, so I had plenty of time to sit and think about this go-go dancer (who's name was Dawn, as illustrated on her belt buckle).

As I'm sitting there, I SWEAR to you I am thinking things like:

--Do you think she has to work out or do you think dancing keeps her in shape? It sure looks like dancing would keep you in shape.
--Is she staying hydrated? Why isn't she drinking anything?
--When will she take a break? Does she get a break? That's a lot of dancing without a break. Do you think they have a dancer that takes her place after awhile so she can go to the bathroom?
--Hey, is she wearing nylons? Oh, I hate wearing nylons. I bet her feet are sweating in those boots because of those nylons.
--Why can't I see her sweating? She hasn't stopped dancing but I don't see her sweating.
--Is her name REALLY Dawn or is that just some belt buckle she picked up for cheap in Tijuana? --Does she get to pick out the music or does the DJ just play whatever he wants and she has to dance to it?
--Do you think she's smelly? I mean, she has danced non-stop for two hours and is wearing nylons under patent leather hot pants.
--How old IS she? She looks 12, for crying out loud!
--Why isn't anyone giving her more money?
--What the hell does she think about when she's dancing?
--Isn't she getting tired? She doesn't look tired.
--She is NOT staying hydrated. Maybe I should buy her a water. Oh wait--she has a bottle of water sitting on the back of her little stage. Good. I wish she would drink some of that water.
--Do you think she's gay? She doesn't "look" gay. If she's not gay, what is she doing dancing in a gay bar? Do you think she knows she is in a gay bar? Does she care that she is in a gay bar? Do straight girls dance in gay bars? Do go-go dancers make more money in a gay bar than a straight bar? She's certainly not making much money here.
--How did she get into this dancing thing, anyways? I bet she is a college student supporting her self through college by dancing.
--If I danced that much, I'd be really sweaty. God, I do NOT want to sweat. I can't sweat in these clothes.
--God, she is NOT staying hydrated!

And so, she danced for the entire time we were there (2.5 hours) and she never once stopped dancing and only once she took a tiny swig of water from her water bottle and instead of enjoying this go-go dancer, all I did was worry about her. As we walked out the door, I took one look back. Still dancing, no replacement in sight. The bar was just starting to get crowded as we left. God, is she going to be tired and smelly and dehydrated or what?

As we get in the car to drive home, it comes to me: Who the hell worries about a go-go dancer, especially when they are go-go dancing????!!!

Thankfully, there were no go-go dancers or poles on the cruise, so I didn't have to worry about anyone or anything. And once on the cruise, I could sweat as needed, as I now had enough clothes for the cruise (but it was poetic justice that there was no dancing nor was there any sweating to be had as it was too chilly to be sweating).......

....am I getting crusty and boring or what? Someone do a go-go intervention and save me from myself, please!


Friday, May 23, 2008

A Few Vacation Photos

We have returned home, safe and sound.
The dogs are seemingly very happy to see us and have yet to leave my side. The mail has been opened, the phone messages have been listened to, the laundry is in the wash and the wife is already washing the floors. It was a long, long, long day of travel but that does not keep me from blogging. I am dedicated to you, oh great blog reader and thus I must mortify the flesh and get some photos posted. Why, here is a photo of a storm we had to fly "around" today on the way home. As we were over 30, 000 feet at this point, you can only imagine how big that storm cloud really was. It left us with some fabulous turbulence but nothing too scary. My crabbiness was much more scary than any storm cloud.






........So, how 'bout a few photos to go with those blog entries from Mexico?
In an effort to save you some time opening this page, I made some collages to illustrate the trip. I have 164 additional photos if these aren't enough for you, but I will spare you on the blog. (You can click on the photos to make them "Bigger" if you can't see enough on these little collages.)
















Collage #1: Ship Shape.
A few views of the boat, both inside and out. The view of the mini putt was taken with San Diego in the background. The food is the wife's lobster dinner, which she found quite yummy. And yes, that is a bug. There were these black bug beetle things on board. I'm sure the cruise line would prefer I not post photos of bugs on their ships but how could I pass up a good bug on vacation? It's not like I found them in the kitchen. They were wandering around the deck as we were leaving port. Actually, there were three of them running around but I only photographed one. As for the two twin boats (lower left), one of the boats is ours and another is a twin that just happened to be in port when we got there. Twins!
















Collage #2: Cabo (better known as "the only day that wasn't 60 degrees and cloudy").
Well, the air wasn't 60 degrees but the water was only 62 degrees, so that makes up for the warmer air. Can I just say that 62 degree water takes your breath away? I was so expecting Carribean Ocean bathwater temps. Cabo by water is very pretty. I'm sure there are delightful things to do on land, also but we certainly didn't find them or do them. We were too tired from trying to survive the freezy weather. We didn't see Sammy Hagger, so that was a bummer.


















Collage #3: Ensenada (which I also referred to as Encinito, Encidido, Enchilada, etc) . Cloudy, cold and busy. Think of Tijuana, only a bit more upscale. I loved all the "Day of the Dead" stuff. It was cold, at least by Mexico standards. Thankfully, we stayed on land and the rain stayed just far enough away that we only got spit on a few times. About that flag of Mexico--it was HUGE. You can't tell that from the photo, but trust me when I say it was like the size of Rhode Island.



















Collage #4: Towel Creatures.
Every night, we'd return to our cabin, only to find our beds turned down, the next day's schedule placed next to chocolates on the pillows, and....towel creatures! They were awesome, and if you really wanted to, you could attend a class to teach you how to make these little guys. I loved the way they hung the monkey from the TV!


















Finally, Collage #5: Ice Cream.
I tried to take a photo of every time I ate ice cream (15 times on the cruise for those who are counting) but it got to be a bit much to do this, so here are a few of the times we got the gluttony on film. Eating ice cream fifteen time in five days is not a good idea for the weak of heart. By the end, I wanted to poke my eyes out. Of course, this didn't stop me from eating a giant bowl of Ben and Jerry's "Chocolate Therapy" ice cream at the Minneapolis/St. Paul airport today.......

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Adios, Elation

Back on land, our sea legs have us feeling like we are still on the boat. Isn't it funny how quickly vacations come and go? We have returned to shore in San Diego, where it is--you guessed it!--60 degrees and cloudy....even a bit of spitting rain. Tonight, we will venture to a Padres game before retiring. After all, we have to squeeze every drop of fun out of this trip before it's time to go home. Dos Marias had talked about going to the Wild Animal Park before going to dinner before going to the ball game but the wife and I are too pooped to pop at this point and thus have politely declined this very generous offer. Instead, we will nap, wash clothes and visit the local Starbucks prior to the Padres game.

The thought of eating right now makes me want to puke, as I ate so much last night for dinner (Indian food! Curry! Spices! Stomach ache!) that my button almost burst off my pants (and could've taken out someone's eye). Add to that the boat was very rocky last night and it makes for a delightful case of indigestion. That Indian food was out of this world. Too bad I'm so full it's still sitting in my esophagus.

Why no photos of the trip, you ask? Well, I forgot to bring the cord so I could download them. You'll have to wait until we return to the Land of Lincoln to be inundated with photos. That will be sometime during the weekend. No bikini photos tho, as it was too chilly for bikinis. I know you are crushed by that. (The no bikini photos, not the chilliness.)

By the way, our waiter from Peru didn't know what Dos Marias meant when they said their room was "chilly." "What is chilly?" he asked. That gave us pause, as we had never thought about how chilly could sound like Chile (the country), chilly (the temp), chili (the food). I'm not sure he understood our explanation but he did seem very attentive and interested. Speaking of the waiter, our two waitstaff did the Macarena, the Cha Cha slide and even sang "Leaving on a Jet Plane." That's entertainment!

So, it's off to nap and then the Padres game. Anyone have some Tums?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Is this the ALASKAN cruise???

(It's half price internet day--that means I can type at 75 cents a minute and get two minutes for one. Is this a great vacation or what? I'll think of it as a souvenier.)

Well, the good news is we are not sunburnt.

The bad news is we are not sunburnt.

Score one for no skin cancer!

Why are we not sunburnt?

Because yesterday was SIXTY degrees, cloudy and I swear there was a windchill. No suntanning for anyone. That means both days at sea were at 60 degrees and cloudy. Not so good for looking tan, great for the cruise business....as everyone is inside spending oodles of money! There were some die-hards on the deck, trying desperately to get some form of suntan. All they got was windburn.

By the way, when you go on a cruise to Mexico, you don't bring many warm clothes. This is problematic for these temps. It's pretty funny to see how people are solving this dilemna--wearing robes over clothes is one of them. Layers of clothes that don't match is another way. I thankfully have pants and one sweatshirt. They will walk home by the end of the cruise but at least I am very comfortably warm.

We, being the very frugal group, found many free things to do--playing ping pong (a very novel thing to do while wearing trifocals on a moving ship), eating, playing cards, walking on the treadmill, eating, watching ice sculptures being made, eating sushi (the wife and Dos Marias, that is), going to shows, eating, dancing with our waiters. Did I mention we spent time eating?

Today, we go on shore to Ensenada. As I look outside, guess what I see? Clouds and 60 degree temps!!! At least it's consistent....

.....and, we won't get sunburnt. :-)

Monday, May 19, 2008

Ahoy, Matey!

Okay, I'm on a big boat in a big ocean. It's 75 cents a minute to be on the Internet, so this will be short and sweet. Gracias to Dos Marias for donating the laptop for this blog entry. And, yes--I've eaten ice cream at every meal, including breakfast.

Surprises on the trip:
--It was 62 degrees and cloudy on our "Fun Day at Sea" day. Brrr!
--Our room is much bigger than anticipated.
--You can smoke on the boat. Like cigarettes. Yuck!
--The water is COLD! Not like Cozumel.
--There are tons of tattoos everywhere.
--The wife loves sushi. Go figure.
--You can feel the boat moving at all times. Weird but comforting.
--It is hard to walk on a treadmill when the boat is rocking.
--Lots of laptops but I didn't bring one. (I am indeed having withdrawal. More ice cream! Quick!)
--50 SPF sunscreen is a must for those warmer days at sea. Am I getting old or what??
--The hypnotist was HILARIOUS. I thought I'd think it was a waste of time but the show was really fun....

So, we are off to Ensenada....

PS No Madonna Tickets. None. what AM I going to do with MJagger????? I'd throw her overboard if she were on this ship!!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Madonna Traumas & Travel News

Okay, so I am here in San Diego with the wife and Dos Marias (having fits of computer withdrawal, I might add) when I get this call from MJagger alerting me that I do NOT have my Madonna ticket as it was CANCELLED by my credit card company as MJagger had entered the wrong zip code and thus, without my attention, the ticket was cancelled. As we were napping at the time of the call (it had been a long day of travel), I thought at first that I was not fully awake and thus misunderstood Madonna whore MJagger....alas, I had NOT misunderstood anything. I have no ticket for the Sticky and Sweet show in Chicago.

Remember how I wrote about throwing up before, when trying to buy the tickets the first time, a few blog entries ago? Now, I have vomit in my mouth. NO MADONNA TICKET.

NO.

MADONNA.

TICKET.

I am aghast. MJagger quickly adds that this is a sign from the Universe that we are going to get the VIP packages on Saturday and that this is like the greatest thing that could have happened. She has FAITH. She believes! She knows if she wants it, she's already got it.

Oh, my poor vacationing heart!

So, until Saturday I have no idea what will happen and by that point, I won't have access to a computer and thus I will have to wait to hear what transpires.....

....although, Dos Marias alert me that Madonna will be in San Diego November 4th......

As for the trip here, it was smooth AND--bonus!--I even pooped at O'Hare. (IN the toilet, sillies.) I took this as a very good sign as I usually don't poop the entire time I'm gone. Big thanks to UConn Grrrrl for driving us to O'Hare in the wee hours. Freakishly, there was a tail wind going west to east (very unusual, I hear) and we made it to San Diego a HALF HOUR earlier than planned. It has been absolutely delightful during our short tenure here. And, it is freakishly hot here, so that's another bonus. Tomorrow, we get on the Love Boat and head south.....

Do not panic if you don't hear from me until a week from now, as I may not have access to the Internet....though, knowing me, with my computer addiction, I will indeed pay good money while on the boat to check email and enter some more blog fodder......

...until then, please pray novenas to St. Jude of hopeless cases so I do indeed end up being Sticky and Sweet......

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Julie McCoy, Here we Come!

To would be robbers: Please ignore this blog entry. We really are home and just pretending to be on vacation.

To neighbors: that's the dog/house sitter. Please do not call the police unless the "dog sitter" is some guy wearing a black ski mask, weilding a flashlight and crawling in a window. The dog/house sitter is a woman without a ski mask. The real dog sitter will be fending off would be intruders armed with two canines, one cheeseball neighbor, one cell phone and a plethora of protective devices.

To friends: We are going on our first cruise! Is this exciting or what? Of course, we have to go to Minneapolis to get to San Diego, but what fun would it be to take a direct route? We can't figure out how to pack, as we have never been on a cruise before. Seems like you must change clothes like three times a day while on the boat. Ah, I suppose that's why they invented credit cards.

To MJagger: Well, the sticky and sweet mess will have to go on without me, as we will be on a boat in the Pacific Ocean while you are on the phone with Ticketmaster. The more I think about it, the more I am sure you are right--the VIP packages will indeed go on sale Saturday and you will get your ticket. Perhaps two tickets will come your way and we'll sell my current ticket.

To the wife: Um, I didn't really just write that.

To readers: Anyone wanna buy a great Madonna ticket for face value?!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Sticky and Sweet Mess

We had it all planned. MJagger and I scheduled our lunch at 10 AM so we could buy Madonna tickets and not do it on company time. I met MJagger as scheduled, decked out in my favorite Madonna concert T-shirt, ready to throw up with excitement. She was nervous, too. MJagger had the computer ready to go. She then explained to me there were these special seats that were saved for fan club members willing to fork out extra money and that she was going to buy one of these seats as she had promised herself that she wouldn't buy anything less. I was agreeable and ready to charge away. After all, it IS Madonna and you have to spend money when it comes to Madonna. We stared at the monitor waiting for our turn.....

....the clock ticked, the ticket sale popped up and she started clicking away. Ecstasy!

Thing is--these "special tickets" didn't pop up. Just the "regular" tickets (which, by the way, were the exact same price as the last concert several years ago, so I was very pleasantly surprised). MJagger was not deterred--she would enter the special fan club code, get seats offered by Ticketmaster, look at the seats offered, ignore them, try again and again. She kept trying for those special tickets. In the meantime, I am REALLY trying not to vomit on her rug as I am watching the "good" seats slip by, one by one. I am beginning to sweat. My palms are sweating. We look at the fan club site over and over, reading the information....and I'm trying to convince her that there aren't going to be any of these special seats in Chicago, as the site says NOT AVAILABLE. She disagrees and says they just haven't released them yet and she is ..........going...

........to

....wait.

I am going to die!

I point out that the chart says "NOT AVAILABLE," not "coming soon" like some of the other concert sites. I am just shy of begging begging BEGGING her to buy tickets but she stands firm. She continues to click on the Ticketmaster site and watch seats go by. I am close to hyperventilating. I cannot wait any longer. I HAVE to buy a ticket.

She types in "1" ticket and a seat pops up. It is a really good seat in my opinion, albeit not as good as the first four zillion offered seats were. I take it. I cannot wait any further. I love her dearly but I cannot wait one minute longer.

She does not buy a ticket.

....Fast forward to now. I have a ticket. A great seat. An aisle seat, not far from the stage. Do I wish I were a few rows closer? Of course! I'd like to be sitting on Madonna's lap, for crying out loud--you can never be close enough......

.....but, MJagger has yet to buy a ticket despite the hours and hours that keep going by. I am VERY bothered by this, as you can imagine. After all, she is my personal Madonna whore. I hope she knows what she is doing.....Madonna does say "If you want it, it's already yours," so I figure MJagger will get what she asked for.......but she is a better, more faithful person than I. I don't have the faith. MJagger spoke to some Ticketmaster guy late today and he says the VIP package will be available Saturday when general tickets go on sale. She is sure of this and is ready to party and be with all the Madonna fan club members, eating snacks and drinking drinks, giggling and gyrating while I sit in the parking lot, waiting for the general doors open for the peons with the expensive-but-not-expensive-enough tickets.

I pray to the gods that this does not turn into a sticky mess...................

...............................................and I hope she forgives me for bailing out on her.

Madonna, madonna, why have you abandoned me?!!

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Sticky and Sweet
(Those are song lyrics, people. Get yo' mind out of the gutter. Oh, wait. They're Madonna lyrics. Go ahead and put your mind back in the gutter.)


OH.

MY.

GOD!

MADONNA.

CHICAGO.

OCTOBER.


IS LIFE GOOD OR WHAT?!!!!

I was just about to start a counseling session when MJagger burst into the office. She apologized to the client, indicating that this was IMPORTANT! She then announced to me and said client that Madonna is coming to Chicago and that she, MJagger, being a Madonna Icon Fan Club Member means she can buy up to four tickets in pre-sale and tickets go on sale Monday and WE. ARE. GOING!

She then high-fived me, which is totally uncharacteristic for MJagger.

She then blew out of the office, leaving me to try and do some semblance of counseling while trying to remain quietly in my seat.

Counseling? What counseling?
Kidding. I completed the session in a truly professional manner. I then searched the building for MJagger, but she was nowhere to be found. This left me to contemplate the meaning of Madonna tickets until she returned. Thankfully, she was not gone long and we were able to SQUEAL with delight about this whole beautiful adventure we are about to begin.

MADONNA!

Now, the reason for the title of this blog is because Madonna has named her tour "Sticky and Sweet," as related to her new "Hard Candy" tour. How great of a name is that? Truly Madonna worthy.

As for the tickets, we figure we have time to save up and pay for the premium priced tickets we will be purchasing on Monday. It will be an obscene amount of money to see Madonna in concert, but we are willing to SACRIFICE!

One less cup of coffee at Dunkin' Donuts a week. One less serving of McDonald chocolate chip cookies a week. One less bottled water. I'll get water out of the Rock River if I have to.
I.

MEAN.

BUSINESS.


The wife? Um, she won't be going to the concert. She went last time and wasn't exactly peeing in her pants with excitement. She knows MJagger and I are meant to be there, so she'll be good with it. If she changes her mind, she can sit in the "cheap" (relative term) nose-bleed seats. Or, she can stay home with MJagger's husband and make fun of us.

Cheap for Madonna tickets is not cheap. "Cheap" and "Madonna" are two words that are not congruent with each other. Can you say "house payment?"

Anyways, I know you can't sleep without knowing the Madonna STICKY and SWEET TOUR Itinerary for 2008, so I've posted it here. Here's to scoring some awesome tickets for the concert of the year and to not hyperventilating while desperately trying to secure the tickets on Monday.....

MADONNA STICKY & SWEET TOUR ITINERARY 2008

23-Aug - Cardiff Millennium Stadium - Fri. May 16
26-Aug - Nice Stade Charles Ehrmann - Fri. May 16
28-Aug - Berlin Olympic Stadium - Wed. May 21
02-Sept - Amsterdam Arena - Sat. May 17
04-Sept - Dusseldorf LTU Arena - Wed. May 21
06-Sept - Rome Olympic Stadium - Fri. May 23
09-Sept - Frankfurt Commerzbank Arena - Wed. May 21
11-Sept - London Wembley Stadium - Fri. May 16
20-Sept - Paris Stade de France - Fri. May 16
03-Oct - E. Rutherford Izod Center - Mon. May 19
06-Oct - New York City Madison Square Garden - Mon. May 19
07-Oct - New York City Madison Square Garden - Mon. May 19
15-Oct - Boston TD BankNorth Garden - Sat. May 17
18-Oct - Toronto Air Canada Centre - Sat. May 24
22-Oct - Montreal Bell Centre - Sat. May 24
26-Oct - Chicago United Center - Sat. May 17
30-Oct - Vancouver BC Place Stadium - Sat. May 24
01-Nov - Oakland Oracle Arena - Sun. June 1
04-Nov - San Diego Petco Park - Sun. June 1
06-Nov - Los Angeles Dodger Stadium - Sun. June 1
08-Nov - Las Vegas MGM Grand Garden Arena - Sat. May 31
11-Nov - Denver Pepsi Center - Sat. May 31
16-Nov - Houston Minute Maid Park - Sat. May 31
19-Nov - Philadelphia Wachovia Center - Mon. June 2
22-Nov - Atlantic City Boardwalk Hall - Mon. June 2
24-Nov - Atlanta Philips Arena - Sat. May 31
26-Nov - Miam
i Dolphin Stadium - Sat. May 31

Monday, May 05, 2008

Hard Candy Getting Tasty

Okay, so Madonna's "Hard Candy" CD has really grown on me. I think I've listened to it 30 times and it gets tastier every time I listen. I was hoping this would happen. Some things just need a little time--like fine wine. (Or not.) I still like the songs co-written with Justin Timberlake the best but the other songs have become one with me. As for the "She's Not Me" song, I've decided it's about Madonna's career, not about her hubby being unfaithful or naughty. Meaning: people imitate her but they will never be her. (Which, by the way, is very true.) I like that take on it. If I'm wrong, I'm still going with it. I've also decided that the lyrics are consistent with all her other albums/songs, so I'm good with it. If I wanted profound, I'd go read a book.

Better than the CD getting tastier is that Ms. M is rumored to be going on tour sometime later in the year and that means.....

......MADONNA HYSTERIA IN THE ADDIVERSE!

MJagger called me Saturday night to alert me of the pending concert plans. This got me all in a tizzy, even though the dates or locations have yet to be announced. I have to start saving immediately, as I'm guessing the tickets will be $400 each, as last time they were $350 a pop. Of course, I have to have enough moola in case we go to two shows (don't ask why--always take the opportunity to see Madonna when she shows up). I have time to save up, don't I? I also have to save for my concert wardrobe--I can't just wear some crusty old thing.

Since learning of the concert tour, I jumped on the Internet to see if I could join the Madonna Icon Fan club (Can you believe I'm not already a member?) so I would be first in line for concert pre-sale tickets. (It's the current way for stars to make even more money than they already make--charge people to join the fan club so they can get access to tickets before the general public.) MJagger is already a member, but I thought we'd double our odds of getting great seats if we both were members. Turns out it's a no-go....the deadline for joining the club to be part of the pre-sale frenzy was April 30,2008. Sigh. I'll have to pray to the Gods of Pop, Rock and Roll that I can score some fabulous tickets. Of course, I need to first hear when the concerts will be.

While the album has definitely grown on me, I still don't get the weird "4 minute" video see-inside-people scenes. Go on Youtube.com, MTV.com or even myspace.com and watch, then tell me your take on it. And, if you are on Youtube, make sure to check out Madonna's video of her vacuuming. It's pretty funny and who wouldn't like to see Madonna vacuuming?

Friday, May 02, 2008

Trying to Live as "Less-is-More;" Confessions of a Madonna Whore

Last night, I was laying on the couch, having a terminal case of couch potato-ness. I was too pooped to pop, or so I told myself. Now, I usually work out between 6:15 PM-7 PM, but there it was--6:30 PM and I was still on the couch, drooling on myself. I didn't exactly want to get up and do anything physical, despite knowing those cheesy wiblets would soon be getting on a cruise ship. 6:31 PM, still on the couch. What I really wanted to do is take a nap. 6:32 pm--eyes still closed but guilt building ever so slightly. 6:33 pm--what guilt? I'm not getting off this couch. Then, at 6:43 pm, I thought of Less-is-More (see previous blogs just a few entries ago). "Less-is-More wouldn't lay on the couch--SHE would be working out!" This gets me to open my eyes. I think of how Less-is-More has lost 100 lbs and it wasn't by being a couch potato. I think of being on that cruise with my cheesy leg wiblets. 6:44 pm, I am off the couch and loading the DVD, looking for my gal Jillian Michaels. You go, Less-is-More!


You faithful readers know that I am a Madonna Whore. (If you do not know this, you really should look up those old Blog entries labeled "Confessions of a Madonna Whore" from June 2006. But, you'll be able to figure all this out even if you don't go back and read about me and MJagger going to several of her concerts that Summer. Orgasmic!) Well, her new CD is out ("Hard Candy") and as hard it is for me to admit this, I am not sure what to think about this album....which is a painful thing for such a whore. People magazine gave it four stars, so that's a good sign. But, most other critics have just trashed the album, made fun of Ester for trying to use 20 year olds to sound current, made sure that the Universe knows that Miriah Carey's album (yuk!) is going to SMASH this one to smithereens. Of course, other reviews trashed Madonna's "American Life" album and I loved that one. What do critics really know?

On the plus side, I have found that the tunes have gotten "stuck" in my head, so I think that is a really good sign--my brain spits out the songs when I'm sitting at my desk, while trying to fall asleep, when trying not to think of the songs. The songs are catchy and have an awesome disco beat (albeit a bit too techno for my usual taste, but I'm old and crusty). I've decided I like listening to the album with headphones on more than I like on a stereo, as there are some fun things going on with the way the whole thing was mixed. There are three or four songs that I really like and find myself humming spontaneously through the day. It IS growing on me. Even the wife says the album is growing on her. But.....I'll start with my disappointments (the horror! the horror!) and move on to my love professions.....

.....Madge, what is with the mullet hair?
Madge, I don't like it! You have such a good look going on in real life--how could you do the mullet? Please don't bring it back! I'm sure it's a wig or some funky thing they did with your "real" hair, so I'm not too traumatized....I enjoyed it the first time around and sported one myself, but really! We must save the world from the Return of the Mullet.

Second of all, the lyrics. Um, they haven't gotten any more profound over the years, not that I really expected them to....something about them don't resonate with me as much this album.

Third--did Guy have an affair on you or what? What is up with that "She's Not Me" song? I know, I know, just because an artist writes/paints/draws/acts out something does not mean the events actually happened to him or her, but I gotta say, whatever the inspiration, you need to get in the yoga studio and let it go. Maybe you didn't write that song (I'll have to go read the album liners...pr, maybe your husband was planning a surprise party for you and was acting like a freak and thus you thought he was having an affair) .And, "Incredible" is not so incredible in my mind but I get that stupid tune stuck in my head and I find myself getting irritated by that.

Fourth (technically about the video but from the album, nonetheless): What is UP with that video of showing people's insides fading "in?" I know it's something artsy and that I'm probably missing something really simple while being profound, but I don't get it and it gives me the creeps. The song is rockin' and Justin Timberlake is awesome, but the people's insides...ugh! Will someone PLEASE tell me what this is all about, especially in relation to saving the world?!

Moving on to the happier side of this Madonna Whore's delightful Hard Candy tinglings. Like I said, I love three of the songs. I do mean love. I could listen to them all day. In fact, I DO listen to them all day. I discovered that I can turn the volume down on the Jillian tape and play the Madonna album and it works out (no offense to Jillian--I only did this once and won't make it a habit--it's just that the beat did indeed keep me moving as my thighs screamed out for mercy).

I love that Miss M keeps trying to stay current. Bringing in today's hot youngsters is rather a brilliant idea and keeps things as they say "fresh." It would be easy to stagnate or do the same thing over and over again. (Hear that, Five-octave Miriah? Fresh!) I know the gay boys are loving this album, throwing themselves across the dance floor with reckless abandon.

And, as many people know, sometimes listening to an album several times over brings more and more enjoyment--the thing "grows" on you. This is definitely growing on me. So, I have much hope for this diddy.

And and, if you didn't know it, Madonna is going to be FIFTY this year. Fifty! Look at her! How does a 50 year old look so good? Diet? Religion? Yoga? Modern medical miracles? Formaldehyde? Oxygen tanks? Seaweed smoothies? I'd pay money to have arms like that. I'm not so impressed that there aren't any wrinkles showing on her face; I'm impressed by how in shape she is and how darn good she looks. I don't see one cheesy wiblet. Not one. Don't tell me about the beauty of air-brushing and computer technology--I saw the lady in person and there was not one thing a-jiggling or a cheesy-ing. She can go for days, as evidenced in the two hour concerts MJagger and I attended. The lady never stopped moving for two hours and it wasn't just walking back and forth on a stage--it was non-stop jumping and dancing and hopping and running and horse-riding.

I know Madge has the stamina to repeat such efforts during her "Hard Candy" tour, and I know there will be a tour and I know MJagger and I will spend ridiculous amounts of money to be there for the tour and I know we will be in our glory, professing our love for this "Hard Candy" album, as by then we will have grown to love the songs and will be saying how good the album is. These thoughts lead me to feel like a "good" Madonna Whore once again and all is well in my world. I have decided I will listen to the new album as soon as I'm done typing this and I will stop babbling and start working out. It's Back Side time and there is a boat in a port with my name on it and my back side needs to be ready.

In closing, I think the only persons who can "take" Madonna right now are "Less-is-More" or Jillian Michaels....

.....and my money is on Madonna.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Surprise to the Award Winning Wife, Part II

May I suggest you read Part I before reading Part II. (It really is weird how you have to read blogs "backwards" in order to get the gist of things.) Ummm, that's not really the wife hoisting her award, but I thought this was an awesome photo of someone REALLY excited about getting an award, so I slapped it right here as illustration of the award-winning wife.

Well, since I'm writing this blog, you know I survived. It was close. Being out of town all day before throwing a party is NEVER suggested by this writer. NEVER.

Thank god for MJagger, who made this party happen without any meltdowns or traumas--on my part. I absolutely, positively could not have pulled this off without her help. Everyone should have a straight grrrl to help organize social events, especially for those of us that are social-event-impaired. I'm glad she didn't slap me with all my disorganization and after all the phone calls I made to her. I was driving down the road yesterday and called her with last minute directions. I gave a list of ridiculous directions. I looked to her for advice and for mental health counseling. I was running late and called her to order the pizzas I never had a chance to order. God love you, MJagger.

People came from out of town and out of state in honor of the wife. I can't thank them enough, as with today's gas prices, it would have been MUCH cheaper to stay home and just send a card. Thank god none of you asked for gas mileage reimbursement. I appreciate that friends and family came over on a week night/school night (there were A LOT of teachers in the crowd, so they were out on a school night).

I don't want to forget anyone, but off the top of my head, these are the people that I want to kiss (well, at least hug and thank). If I've forgotten you, please forgive me. Email me some hate mail and I'll add you to the list of those who should be thanked and recognized. I'm tired and, as always, rather spastic. Big kisses to: Spotted Owl and Ingabor Logjammer; Phlange-a-slam and Little Debbie Sneezeclumper; Xena grrrl and Three Hawk Yoga grrrl; Chick-a-hello; Wild Mama and Taco Juan; Mama and Papa Cheesehead; Cheeseball Neighbor; Keith Artgrrrrl; Pandey Mom & Pandey Mom's Mom; PSR Gal and family; Coach K; Master Reiki and Blue Eyes; and, of courses, MJagger. Plenty of people sent congratulations via email, so thanks to you, too.

In an surprise turn of events, Blue Eyes also won an award, so it was double the fun. Who woulda thunk it?

As for me, my words of wisdom are: skip the party and buy diamond earrings!!!