Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

I had originally thought of titling this blog "Sticky and Sweet, Drippy and Wet" but that seemed so insanely obscene that even I wouldn't do that. This nixed title would refer to Madonna's upcoming concert tour AND the wife's new kitchen sink fixtures.

Observe! Here is the wife's latest pride and joy--a new facet, complete with soap dispenser and pull out sprayer. Next to it is, of course, Madonna's latest album, "Hard Candy." The wife and I obviously have very different priorities. She can't understand why I would want to spend money on concert tickets instead of home improvements/upgrades while I can't understand why anyone would go out and buy a new kitchen faucet when there was absolutely nothing wrong with the original one. She has reminded me several times that she could have purchased several new faucets for the house for the price of one Madonna ticket.....

.....which brings me to the Madonna ticket fiasco.

Thank you, by the way, to all you concerned blog readers who offered help, advice and information. The emails, phone calls, personal contacts and offers for therapy were much appreciated. I guess you DO really understand my pain, addiction and psychosis. Chicago, Denver, San Diego-- all sorts of options for attending a Madonna Concert. I think my favorite contact was my sister calling me by phone at work to alert me Madonna had added a second concert in Chicago and she wanted to make sure I knew this and that she hoped I could get a ticket for this show. (What says "I love you?" more than that kind of call? NOTHING!)

Yes, you heard me: Madonna added another show in Chicago.

You would think this would lead to sheer pleasure for me and MJagger, as we could get tickets for this second show but not much could be further from the truth. In fact, we were well aware of this second show.....quite to our dismay. Why, you ask? Because MJagger had indeed secured us tickets to the first/original show......

..........but at a brutal, brutal cost.

So, the awesome news is that MJagger scored us SECOND ROW SEATS for the Chicago Madonna concert on October 26, 2008 which is so exciting that my head almost imploded when she told me. SECOND ROW!!!! SECOND ROW!!! DEAR GOD, SECOND ROW!!!!!

The not so awesome news is that the price of those two tickets would make most of you run to the bathroom to vomit. We have sworn on Madonna's bra not to tell the cost except to our significant others (and trust me, they would rather not know what we paid). Suffice it to say that none of you would probably choke up the amount paid for anything short of a vacation to the Greek Isles.....or a whole new marble sink & counter top with real gold faucet.

"How did this happen? How did you get tickets?" you ask--rightly so. After all, last time you heard from me I had no ticket and a whole lot of nothing. Well, while I was busy hanging out in the Pacific Ocean, MJagger was a very, very busy young lady. After much angst, she bid on two tickets in an auction. She knew the winning tickets would be in Row 1-9. That's it. No guarantee except that. So, she plugged in a number and hoped for the best. Of course, after submitting the bid, she had terminal buyer's remorse and would have sold her soul to get her bid back, but once you click on the "I AGREE" button three times, they are pretty sure you wanted the tickets and there is no backing out. (Side note: MJagger had to make this decision of bidding while I was on vacation. I imagine she aged about 20 years during this ordeal and thus thank her for her actions. It would have been a lot simpler had I been in the country when this was all going on.) Her next thought was that we would never win the auction as she has never previously won one of these auctions. Au contraire! As a faithful Madonna Whore who has much faith in the Universe, she should have known the Universe was not going to let us go on in life without Madonna tickets to that concert.......

....and thus, The Universe (and a handy, dandy VISA card) did indeed deliver two Madonna tickets, smack dab in the second row.

Giddy, giddy, giddy! We prance around saying stupid things like, "SECOND ROW!" and "GET UP OUT OF YOUR SEAT!" We sing songs from the new album. I find myself professing love for this album (yes, the one I originally wasn't very enamored with). We imagine what she will wear and what songs she will sing. We fantasize that Justin Timberlake or Kanye West might show up to sing at the concert. We get so excited that at times we forget to breathe.

I am sure most will find us to be quite painfully obnoxious by the time we finally make it to the concert. But, it's Madonna, we are Madonna Whores and it is meant to be.....

So, if you come over to visit, make sure to "ooooh" and "ahhhhh" over the new faucet thingy BEFORE you mention the word "Madonna." And, for pete's sake, don't ask me how much we paid for those tickets. You don't actually think I'd go back on my "Madonna Bra promise to secrecy," do you?