Saturday, January 29, 2011

Terror at the Double D

I can't breathe! I can't breathe!

Now, I know you are waiting to hear about the wife and I want to tell you about the wife but I am too distraught to write about the wife.....because....

I just learned the three Dunkin' Donuts in town are CLOSED and FOR SALE!!

I can't breathe!  Someone get me a paper bag!  

MJagger texted me this morning with the news.  There was no warning, just the closing.  In my disbelief, I got in my car and drove promptly to "my" DD.  Gasp!  The windows were papered and there was a hand written sign indicating nothing more than "We are closed."

I can barely write any of this.  I am getting woozy.  WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO MOVE!!

As it is my M.O. to post my angst on Book de la Face, my peeps shed light on the subject, educating me that three of the business are indeed for sale, only $129,000 for the three locations.  As this seems like way too good of a price to be true, I figure the asking price does not include franchise costs, debts or other such dribble.  (Just ask Wild Mama about franchise opportunities.  She'll set you straight.)

In case you are in the market to own a few DD businesses in town, here's what the web has to say:
This is a network chain of 3 Dunkin' Donuts Stores. The stores are fully staffed and equipped with many upgrades. The equipment is in very good working condition. The stores offer great earning potential, well established loyal customers and a great community. The owner of the Company operates this Chain Absentee, and has an excellent management staff in place. Dunkin' Donuts is the largest coffee and baked goods chain in the world and sells more coffee, donuts and bagels than any other quick service restaurant in America. Two stores started operations in 2003 and One in 2008. Mismanaged Operation because of family circumstances. Currently netting 9.9% of gross sales (before debt service) but because of mismanagement, foodcost is not being controlled- too much wasteage. rent is under 10% payroll is controlled. clear potential to net 13-15%
I love the phrase "mismanaged operation because of family circumstances."  I also like the word "wasteage."  I don't know if that's actually a word but I like it.

I am a little calmer knowing that this might be temporary, but still.......

As for the wife, thank you for asking.  She is off of the floor, kinda-sorta upright at times, but still scooting around in a painful ball of angst.  She has been up and down the stairs with only some crawling, so that's good, too.  There has been no attempt at leaving the house, so she has not seen a doctor, chiropractor, acupuncturist, massage therapist, bartender, pharmacist, herbalist, healer, midwife, Reiki master or shaman.  I am hoping she will pick one or two of those professionals and at least have an MRI to make sure she didn't blow out a disk. She thinks she will be able to go to work on Monday, but she will be hunched over, won't be able to carry a thing, will need a driver to get her to/from work and a lot of medication to keep from bursting into tears while teaching classes. I am already looking at my schedule trying how I can get her to/from school. 

As part of my effort to add to the wife's healing, I will go to church tomorrow and get the prayer circle going.  You gotta love when you go to a church that asks the Universe for things and then delivers the goods.  I know the prayers shooting out of that place will have the wife sprinting down the block in no time.  You also gotta love a church where you get to wear your team's colors (as evidenced here) and where the Master Pastor Reiki says, "Go Pack" instead of "Amen" at the closing of the service.  Seriously.

As for taking care of the "bigger picture," my hope is that the wife see a holistic healer in addition to any traditional medical help she might seek.  This problem must be addressed or it will keep coming back, and I know I don't want to see this again.  It's awful to watch and I'm absolutely sure it's much, much, much worse to experience.  I don't care if it's acupuncture, energy work, whatever....I think this needs to be a double whammy.  Like the Double D's of Dunkin Donuts....sometimes you need two of one.

Of course, the wife might want to wait to take such action until AFTER the Super Bowl, because the angst and tension and all consuming anxiety will negate any medical treatment she secures.  The Super Bowl is serious business.  I better stock up on a cocktail of pain killers, muscle relaxers, Diet Coke from the Golden Arches and bread-like carbohydrate products of all kinds to keep her in shape for the game.

I'd write more but I have to go see about buying a franchise of donut shops........

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Sigh.Attic.Ugh.

Lest you think I am hiding in the wake of the Bears embarrassing showing, I thought it best to alert you that I am busy playing housewife and thus have no time for blogging banter.  Seems the wife has a horrific case of sciatica and she literally has not been off the floor since 5 AM on Monday.  She reached for her toothbrush and BAM! Down to the floor she went, a scream and sob along the way.  It's been awful.  She can't walk, she can't sit, she can't lay down, she can't straighten her leg.  To get to the bathroom, she literally crawls.  It's not an easy crawl; in fact, it looks absolutely heart-breaking.  Crawl, crawl, sob.  Crawl, crawl, sob.  Actually, the only time she hasn't been on the floor is when seated on the toilet and when there, dear reader, it leads to a painful, wailing sound you never want to hear.  I made her a bed on the floor comprised of a rug, two sleeping bags on top of one and other, two dog beds (yes, dog beds, I am desperate), topped with two blankets.  I've surrounded her by pillows so the dogs can't get to her.  (Poor Freckles is beside herself with worry.  She sits guard all day.)  The wife can't get into bed because (1) she can't get off the floor; and, (2) even if she could get off the floor we have one of those giant beds that you almost need a ladder to get in and there is no way she could get in and out.

A shower? Not since Sunday and that was before the big game. Television? Doesn't have one in that room.  Food? Only if I am home to get it.  Ice? Well, where DO you put it? Her back doesn't hurt.  It's her entire leg, the one she can't straighten.  Heat? Not appealing to her and probably not a great idea.  Meds? Oh, I found a bottle of her old muscle relaxants in the back of the closet and so I am feeding her them like candy.  They don't fix the problem, they don't stop the pain but they do help her sleep for an hour or two at a time.


I want to take her to the ER but I can't get her out of the house.  I've thought about calling an ambulance but I know she'd never forgive me.  I can't get friends to help because I don't think we can carry her out without a whole bunch of screaming and the ride would be an absolute nightmare.  She has until tonight to get at least a bit better or I will indeed get her to the ER one way or another tomorrow.

She will be mortified I am blogging about this but it is what is happening in the Addiverse and I am powerless, helpless to do much of anything besides play housewife and blog for mercy. I'm told time will help with this infliction but if I'm her, I'm going to throw something at whoever says something like that.  If ANY of you have ideas about helping with sciatica, please feel free to send the ideas my way.  I am desperate.  She is desperate.  I will rub oils, I will chant, I will do massage, I will make special concoctions, I will go shopping for any food, I will do whatever you say because I really am that desperate.


The Packer win doesn't matter right now.  Even she doesn't care that the Packers won.  That says a lot.

Waving the white flag,
Addi Warrior Princess

Saturday, January 22, 2011

BIG.GAME

Well, it's only 30 or so hours until tomorrow's big game.  Just an update to tell you the wife is still breathing, standing and functioning....although she has had to stop reading all those nasty comments on Book de la Face.
I can't help it the majority of my FB friends are from Chicago.

This photo is from an email I received.  I would give proper respect and recognition, but I don't know where it really came from.  It is too cool to not include.  I do not own rights to this photo but I'd love to know who does cuz I'd like to say great job!

I've noticed the Packer fans seem to be lying low (laying low? Dang, I missed that lesson in grammar) on FB.  Maybe they are up to something.  Maybe they are smart. Maybe they are too nervous to speak.  Maybe they are saving up all their collective energy so it can be output during the game.  Maybe they are waiting to STOMP all over those nasty Bear fans after Sunday's game.  Maybe they are busy praying in church and thus don't have their laptops or iPhones.  The Packer fans at work are not quiet but the Packer fans are quiet on my page. 
I'd hate for any of you to miss such Bear Fan taunting posted on my FB page, so I've included some of it below.  
WARNING TO WIFE and PACKER FANS: STOP READING NOW.  This will only hurt you.  I mean no disrespect.  I'm just sharing a few of the naughty and naughtier things posted on Book de la Face wall.  Remember: I too believe it the "Sports Illustrated Cover Curse," so I believe the score will be Packers 28, Chicago 24.  That said......
"It has been said that the British army wore red coats so that if they were shot their opponent would not be able to tell that they were bleeding. I guess that explains why the Packers wear yellow pants!" 

A teacher tells her class she's a PACKERS fan.The class agrees with her except one little girl. When asked who she likes the girl said THE BEARS.The teacher asked why she liked the BEARS and she replied because my mommy and daddy are fans. The teacher replies that's not a reason to like them. What if your dad was an idiot and your mom was a moron,then what would you be? The little girl replied A PACKERS FAN!!!
A Bears fan, a Packers fan and a Seahawks fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more. The Seahawks fan insists that he is the most loyal. "This is for the Seahawks!" He yells, and jumps off the side of the mountain. Not to be outdone, the Bears fan is next professing his love for his team. He yells, "This is for the Bears!" And pushes the Packers fan off the mountain... GO BEARS!!!!
Our Father who Art in Chicago , Football be Thy game. Let Forte run, 1 Super Bowl won, on earth as it is in Soldier Field. Give us Sunday a playoff victory, and forgive us our penalties, as we defeat those Packers who play against us, lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to Dallas ! In the name of the fans, the city of Chicago , and the good Bears ' name, Amen 
(I dunno about you, but I get kinda creeped out when people use the "Our Father" as the basis of a football prayer.)
Question - What do you call 47 men watching the Superbowl? Answer- The Green Bay Packers!!!
Q: How do we know the Tooth Brush was invented in Wisconsin?
A: If it were anywhere else it would have been named a Teeth Brush
This just in....the main library in Green Bay has burned down...both books were destroyed. The tv guide and the how to make Venison sausage for dummies 2nd edition hard cover.
Ouch! 
There is a huge chance this blog will not be one bit funny after Sunday's game.  I suppose which side you are on.  If the Packers win, then Packers fans can make fun of all these ridiculous rantings and rub it in Bear Fan faces.  If the Bears win, the Packer fans will remove me from their blog bookmarks and the Bear fans will re-post these as their status and add even more obnoxious banter for the next thirty years.
Thirty more hours, boys and girls.  Time.will.tell.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Trouble in Paradise

Well, it's happened!  The Bears are going to meet the Packers in the game of the century. No game since 1941 has been this monumental.  As a NFL football fan, I am WAY excited about the Monsters of the Midway meeting the Land of the Frozen Tundra Cheeseheads for the chance to go to the Big Show.  I am proudly claim my Chicago-land roots as the Pack march in to Soldier Field.  Why, here I am in 2009, standing in front of the ever-so-infamous Soldier Field. Growl!
 
As the partner of a cheesehead, this is problematic.  You can't root for both teams.  Per the wife, that would be ridiculous.  As the partner of a cheesehead who will gladly don the green and gold (as evidenced here), I am conflicted.  While I love a good trip to Lambeau Field (home of the vegetarian brat) and I enjoy the wife's passion for the game and I support the wife in all her misguided adventures--er, I mean her passion for the Packers, I need to pick a side in this house divided.
 
There is trouble in paradise.
 
Understandably, the wife is a nervous wreck about this big game.  Packer fans aren't JUST fans.  This is THEIR team.  This is THEIR game.  This is THEIR life! As I have said before and I will say a billion times again, they ARE their team.  They are ONE with their team.  They don't say "The Packers;" they say "we," as in "we have to win this game....we look great today....we might be developing a running game." They live and breathe with their team.  I've never seen anything like it.  The priests in the Catholic churches pray aloud for the team....

For the record: Don't EVER say that "it's just a game" to the wife.  It makes her delirious.  It is NOT just a game.  It is her reason for being.

Losing this game would be devastating to the wife and to her people.  The wife wonders if it would have been better--easier--if the Packers hadn't made it this far.  That way, they couldn't lose this game.  Of course, if they didn't play the game, they couldn't potentially go to the Super Bowl, so this confuses me. I find being in the playoffs amazing, electrifying, entertaining.  To the wife, it's painful, stressful, angst-filled.
 
God help us all if the Packers do make it to the Super Bowl and lose. I'll need to buy stock in anti-depressants. 

And so, it will be a very long week.  Every time I look at the wife, she looks distracted, worried.  I can tell this is weighing heavily on her....and, it's only Wednesday.  By Saturday, she should be a puddle on the floor.   

Me? I am going to enjoy the banter and the festivities and the excitement.  I'm going to taunt both sides and be taunted by both sides.  For fun, I think I'll wear my Bears coat today and my Packers coat tomorrow.  That really pisses both sides off.  It's a game!  It's a game and it should be fun! Pass me a vegetarian brat and give me the Super Bowl Shuffle.  May we all enjoy a good cheesehead....may the wife and I chuckle at the memory of that sloppy-drunk, frustrated Chicago fan who fell on his head when we were at the game....may we all continue our existence, no matter what the outcome....
 
Yup, it's gonna be a really long week in the Addiverse.  May Vince Lombardi be with all the cheddar heads this week.  May George Halas look down fondly upon his Bears.  May the wife not beat the snot out of me when I accidentally cheer for a great Chicago play. 


Amen.
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Saturday, January 15, 2011

A House Divided

Before I speak of the house divided, let me just say that I received MORE OB TAMPONS in the MAIL!!!  Five little bullets of love found their way to my mailbox early this week.  I was smitten!  Lest you think I am being inundated with ob ultra Tampons from strangers, let me assure you I am not--although I am not averse to that--these, as well as the first mailing, are from school chums of olden days.  The first mailing was from a high school friend, while this bundle of five from a college friend.  I am indubitably indebted to both.  (The rest of you peeps, take note: they have set a pretty high bar.  Don't let that stop you from sending ob Ultra tampons my way.  Just know that you have your work cut out for you.  Remember, I will drive extraordinary lengths to pick up any ultra ob tampons you might have--road trip!)

The five tampons were accompanied by this hand-written note:

'I can't think of something suitable to say in a personal note. "Enjoy" seems a little too personal; "Good Luck" lacking in confidence.  Have a nice day!'

Suffice it to say, I didn't just have a nice day--I had a GREAT day!  Thank you, Tampon-sharer of the East.

I'm pacing myself when using the ob Ultras as once they are gone, they are gone.  One tampon day at a time.

Now, to the house divided.

As you know, the wife is one of the hugest Packer fans on the planet, out-ranked only by members of her immediate family.  Remember, this is the family who burst into tears when a new player caught his first Packer touchdown.  This is serious business to them.   This is the family that changes the time of the Thanksgiving meal to work around the Packer schedule.  This is the family who wears Packer regalia to any and all functions.  This is the family whose moods are dictated by the win or loss by their beloved green and gold.  Suffice it to say, when one is faced with an entire--and, I do mean 100%--in law side of Packer fans, one must make a choice......survival, safety, love, treason.

I was born a Bears fan--after all, I am from the Chicago-land.  I don't think I know any Chi-town people who are anything but Bear fans in some way or another.  Oh, I've loved the Oakland Raiders for the duration (for various reasons over the passing seasons), but I believe deep down inside it is my birthright & heritage to sport orange and blue.  That said.....

I am a Packer Fan by obligation.  Well, I suppose I should say choice, but it is more out of being a smart grrrrl and dedicated spouse.  As noted above, I have no allies on the wife's side of the family.  Every single one of them lives north of the Cheddar Curtain.  One.Hundred.Percent.  There is no wavering of love or passion for the Packers.  Good or bad, the Pack holds all the cards.

Call it obligation.  I call it smart.....safety....survival.....and, of course, love. 

If my willingness to wear green and gold doesn't scream of love, I don't know what does.

Don't get me wrong.  I have really enjoyed outings to Lambeau Field.  I have enjoyed Packer banter.  I have enjoyed wearing the wife's Packer coat.  I'm basically a football whore.  I love football.  But, it is still treason. I am a marked woman when I return to my land of birth.

This weekend, both the Packers and Bears are playing in the playoffs....thankfully, they are not each other.  As wrong as it might sound, I want BOTH teams to win.  Trust me, I have my motivations.....

...the wife will be in a MUCH better mood for the duration of the weekend if the Pack win;
...it will be fun to have two victories in the division;
...it means the Packers and Bears will meet next week for the NFC championship and the right to go to the superbowl.

If those two teams playing each other for the right to go to the Super bowl doesn't light up this house divided, nothing will.

Can't wait  to see what colors I'll be wearing next week.
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Saturday, January 08, 2011

Sharing the Love

Oh my achin' buttocks--has it already been a week? I've been so busy searching for ultra OB tampons and hating my phone that I hadn't realized how long I've been away.  Well, you haven't missed much.  The most exciting thing going on in these parts is that I am in the process of developing an unfortunate case of acute viral rhino pharyngitis....aka the common cold.  How do I know this is developing?  The scratchy throat, the start of ear "roaring," very subtly snotty nasal passages, strangely tired, ever-so-slight feverish aching and sinus pressure inklings are dead give-a-ways.  Although I have yet to sneeze or hack fur balls, I can tell I am in for every-so-popular cold. I know you know what I mean.  Everyone can relate to having the common cold.  That's why it's called common.  We all get them.

Did you know that Ben Franklin was the guy who figured out what was going on with the common cold? According to pbs.org, Franklin decided that the common cold was not caused by wearing wet clothing or dampness in the air. "Franklin observed that sailors, who were constantly wearing wet clothing, remained healthy. After considering the matter on and off for several years, he eventually concluded: "People often catch cold from one another when shut up together in small close rooms, coaches, &c. and when sitting near and conversing so as to breathe in each other's transpiration." Before the knowledge of viruses and germs, Franklin had determined that the common cold was passed between people through the air."

What didn't that guy figure out or invent? What a man!

I am at day 1/2, which means I have about 13.5 more days to go. Technically, I haven't really started the entire cold process but it is looming, with just enough of those subtle symptoms setting off warning bells.  I've been surrounded by people hacking and moaning and nose-blowing and eye-watering for the past three weeks at work.  And, I do mean surrounded.  It was destined to be my turn sooner or later, despite my best efforts to clean my keyboard, sanitize my doorknob, refuse to shake hands and use the force of positive thought.  While I thought I was positively-focused on how I would not get the cold despite being surrounded by it (I envisioned myself glowing and happy and healthy), I think I was positive I would eventually get the cold...and, thus set my own destiny into motion.


It started last night while we were out to dinner.  I had thought about taking the wife to a local restaurant of which she was quite interested in, but a quick drive by suggested that the place was already packed and I knew I didn't have the patience to deal with waiting for a table.  I've been pretty patient these days, so I found that to be a rather odd feeling.  We decided on a local barbecue house (what IS the meaning of all this meat in my life these days?) as it is usually tasty, it was something different, it didn't look crowded and they have a fabulous baked potato covered in sea salt (always important to this vegetarian).  While waiting for our food, I suddenly realized that I wasn't feeling "right."  I wasn't sick.  I certainly wasn't nauseous. I wasn't feverish.  I just didn't feel "right."  It was like a soft wave coming up on shore...it was in motion, it was a wave, but it wasn't overwhelming or crashing or anything.  It was a gentle, ever approaching wave.

Side note: The last time I didn't feel right during a meal in a restaurant was in 2003 when I ended up having my appendix out.  This was NOTHING like that.  Besides, I only had one appendix, so I knew I was good to go.

 I mentioned it to the wife, who thought I meant I had a stomach ache or such.  "No," I assured her, "I just don't feel right.  Like I'm getting a cold."

DAMN!  Did I just mention that I think I am getting a cold?

And, so it begins.

For the record: If the worst thing that happens to me this month is that I catch a cold, I am all good with it! 

I don't think I've ever blogged about having a cold, so this is your lucky day.  I figure I best write about it now before the "real" symptoms set in.  You know the ones: eyes watering so much you can't see the monitor; sneezing loudly enough to wake the neighbors; chunks flying out of your nose that you are afraid part of your brain just exited the building....ad nauseum.

You know, when I think about it, I figure I've had two colds a year for the past...oh, let's just say 40 years. That means I've got 80 episodes of experience with the common cold.  Even if I only had one episode a year, that would be 40 opportunities to enjoy the ride.  That's mighty common.  Out of those 80, I'd say only ten have mosied on to become sinus infections, so having a cold is really not very life changing.  Just a pain in the.....nose. 

I don't know about you, but I approach a cold like battle.  At the first inkling, I stock up on kleenex, cold tablets (both day and night kind), zinc tabs, Vitamin C, vapor rub, zinc stuff to shove up my nose and chocolate.  (Feed a cold, feed a fever.  That's my motto.)  I suck zinc like there is no tomorrow.  There is supposedly no scientific proof this will make any difference in helping my cold, but I believe it does so that's what really matters.  I will do anything to make the cold last even seven minutes shorter or lessen the severity of symptoms by 0.00001%.

I don't whine.  I fight.  I understand why we stay "fight a cold."  I stand my ground and fight.  Take that, you nasty cold!

And, I nap. Can't forget to nap.


Today, I am on-call for work, which is the perfect day to start a cold.  You may find that to be weird, but to me it's almost genius.  I lay on the couch and wait for the phone to ring.  When it's not ringing, I eat chocolate and nap. When it is ringing, I eat chocolate and answer it.  If it doesn't ring, I've had a great day because I spent it eating chocolate and resting.  It truly is the perfect on-call day.  I figure, if I truly am getting a cold, tomorrow and Monday will be the "sucky" days, as those for me are traditionally the "I'm sick with a cold" day--the fever, the aching, the overwhelming tiredness. If that doesn't develop--whether it's because I was able to use the power of positive thinking or if it's because the five bags of zinc I sucked down or if it's because I had an episode of scurvy and not a cold--I will celebrate and eat chocolate.  It's win-win: no matter what does or does not happen, I'll be eating chocolate and napping.  Is this the life or what?

So, today there will be no swearing at my phone or searching for ultra OB tampons.  Today will be spent with a power-shopping event at the local drugstore followed by a nap....

....did I mention I'd be eating chocolate?
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