Ode to the Mask-less Ass on the Airplane

What. Is. So. Hard?

This is a sincere question.

I need to know.

What is so hard about wearing a mask on an airplane? 

I want to understand because you are holding up our flight.

Is it your machismo? 

“Patriotism?”
The rebelliousness of “no one’s gonna tell me what to do” stance?
Power and control?
Fear of being mistaken as a liberal sheep?
Basic assholeness?

It’s not a secret you have to wear a mask on the plane. You’re told in writing, electronically, on signs, announcements long before you enter an airport. It’s on your ticket that you are to comply with the mask mandate.

Do I want to wear a mask? No. But, it’s required, it's science and it’s respectful to my fellow human beings.

I have a hard time understanding your boldness to hold up a flight because of a mask.

I find it quite self-centered to refuse such a simple request. 

It’s definitely not pro-life. 

It’s a few hours of your life. 

You can wear a mask for a few hours on a plane.

Don’t start with the you “know too much.” 

What is it that you know about mask-wearing on an airplane? 

Let's face it. You don’t know too much. You’re probably just regurgitating what you’ve heard. 

Fine. I won't bring up science.

You can wear a mask for a few hours even if you’re wiser and know so much more than me. I’m not arguing with that. I just want you to put on your mask for a few hours so we can get this flight going.

Selfish. It’s selfish. Yes, you are selfish.

You sat down in the assigned seat. 

You didn't bitch about it is your right to sit wherever you want.

You put your seatbelt on.

You didn't declare it your right to ride without a seatbelt.

You--hopefully--won't jump up while in flight and determine you can open an exit door because it's your right, nor will you light up a cigarette.

Hell, you'll even keep your tray table in an upright position.

But, you won't wear a mask.

Your leader, Mr. Orange, has VERY quietly announced you should consider wearing a mask (followed by a deafening it's your right not to), so I thought that might help you comply with the simple requirement.

Sigh. I am disappointed in human beings.

I may wear a mask every day for the rest of my life just because of people like you. 

Put your mask on for the flight.

No one is going to take your masked-face photo and post it on social media.

No one is going to taunt you for being a libtard while seated in 39B.

No one is going to announce your manhood has been destroyed.

No one is going to ask you to pledge your life to science.

They are just asking you to do one simple thing for a few short hours.

It's not even a surprising thing they have asked you to do for the duration of the flight.

Perhaps you are in your glory.

Perhaps I'll be in my glory if you are arrested for breaking a federal law. 

Ode to the Mask-less Ass.

I'm judging you. 

I bet you are one of those people... 

...who shoves carry-on luggage bigger than their ego into the overhead compartment

...who butts people out of the way instead of politely waiting their turn to exit the plane

...who farts while we're on the tarmac.

Be a hero.

Be a sheep.

Boldly exclaim your rights and your patriotism

But, do it from behind a mask. 

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Is it wrong to have thoughts that this person get COVID and end up on a ventilator for a few days and then recover but then end up a long-hauler? Asking for a friend.

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