Crown Me Royal

Great news, sports fans! My self-swab was negative. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to deliver this news because after a week I still didn't get my results. After 8 days, I called. The delightful person working the phone indicated me my results were negative. Thank you, N-95 masks and clean hands. 

Besides that, I feel like we are living Groundhogs Day, 2020-Hell style.

Me: Masks still political?
The Wife: Yes.

Me: COVID still raging?
The Wife: Yes.

Me: Is COVID real?
The Wife: I think it's like the flu.

[insert head shakes from both of us]

Me: Anyone conceded?
The Wife: No.

Me: Any more lawsuits?
The Wife: No. Just more golfing. 

Me: Half the country still think it's rigged?
The Wife: Yes.

Me: GOP wearing masks yet?
The Wife: No.

Me: More golfing?
The Wife: More golfing.

Me: My menopausal pooch look bigger?
The Wife: [no answer]

Me: Same shit, different day?
The Wife: Same shit, different day.

So, here we are. Caught in the loop. I don't have to watch the news. I don't have to read the paper. I don't have to do much of anything because it's the same--same as it ever was.

The Wife continues to watch the news. I can barely stand hearing it in the background. It makes me sad. Not angry. Not depressed. Not confused. Just sad. I've decided that watching the news fuels the sadness, so it's best I step away for a little bit and wait for something to change.

I've been working on our Christmas cards. So far, they are black. That's it. A black square. I mean, I'm no fan of 2020. I know there won't be a Christmas letter recap. What would I say? We are all living in the same Twilight Zone episode, no matter our beliefs. 

I'm sure things will lighten up but right now a black square it is. 

Although... there IS a new development in the Addiverse. I need a crown. 

Of COURSE I need a crown. I'm a goddamn princess. 

Okay, not that kind of crown. I have a cracked back tooth and thus the dentist said I need a crown. I've never had a crown so this kind of intrigues me and it gives me something worthy of spending my flex money.

Dentist: You have a cracked tooth, way in the back.
Me: I do?

Dentist: Yeah. It's on the backside. I'll have the hygienist take a photo so you can see it.
Me: It's cracked?

Dentist: Yeah. 
Me: Do I have to get a crown?

Dentist: [shrugs]. The tooth might last that way the rest of your life. It might break tomorrow. 
Me: I've never had a crown before. 
Dentist: [politely does not point out this to be true as he was just looking in my mouth]

Dentist: Does it ever hurt?
Me: No. I had no idea.
Dentist. It's your decision. 

Hygienist takes a photo, of which was indeed difficult to get as the back side of the back molar is way back there. She shows me the photo. Yup, that's a crack. Huh. 

Dentist: Do you want gold or porcelain?
Me: What's the difference?

Dentist: [Stares at me. I think he thinks I'm kidding.]

Dentist: They cost about the same right now.
Me: I've always wanted a gold tooth!

Dentist: [stares at me again, but I see a smirk. What middle-aged white girl says that?]

Me: Is one better than the other?
Dentist: [Shrugs.] It's up to you.

Me: Really?
Dentist: Well, the gold is easier for me to work with but you're the one who needs a crown. You're call.

Me: LET'S GO WITH A GOLD CROWN!

I've earned a gold crown. I think it will be hilarious to have a gold crown. I will indeed show people my gold crown. I thought about leaving well enough alone, but it's 2020 and you know how that'll go. I leave my cracked tooth cracked and it will crumble in my mouth by 12/31/2020. I will NOT give 2020 that pleasure. 

I'm getting myself a crown. I. AM. GOING. TO GET. A. GOLD. CROWN in honor of kissing 2020 adios.

Besides, I have a lot of flex money. Enough for a crown and a pair of new glasses. I'll be able to see my new gold crown with my new glasses. 

Me: you have any crowns?
The Wife: Yes.

Me: You have any GOLD crowns?
The Wife: No.

Me: Well, I'M getting a gold crown.
The Wife: Okay.

Me: That's it?
The Wife: [shrugs]

I'll let her watch the news. I'll enjoy my new crown instead of watching the news. 

Crown me royal, bitches. Crown me royal.

At least I will have something new to write about. Perhaps I can feature a photo of my new crown in our Christmas card..........

*************************************************************