Saturday, January 27, 2018

Video Dogs Killed the Addiverse Blog

Ah, the first video ever played on MTV. I was there when the MTV kicked off, astronaut on the moon. Yes, so the Buggles had the first video. But, who had the second? No fair googling the answer.

Okay, so it was Pat Benatar. She never seems to make the August 1, 1981 trivia list.

If you're bored (and, I know you aren't but just in case), take a gander at the first videos from the original broadcast day. They are HILARIOUS! No budget, cheesy and dated. It makes me giggle in delight. After all, I am the age of MTV, of new wave, of the Pretenders.

I like the old MTV videos. As time went on, they got too expensive, slick and dedicated to something other than the original art form found in the early days. Give me cheesy.

Speaking of cheesy, I've been using an app to make videos of my dogs giving the weather reports. It's kept me busy. Weird, I know. But, they don't do any worse than the actual weather persons on TV. (No offense to weather persons. And, Godspeed to John Coleman, the original rock star weather man. If you grew up in Chicago, you know what I'm talking about.)

Okay, so making dog weather reports doesn't really keep me busy. It takes about two minutes of my day. But, it feels busy.

I'm kind of sick of doing the weather, so I think I'll branch out and get them to do all sorts of talking. Perhaps some Haiku. Or, maybe reading the news. Or, making commercials. Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll be laughing. Hell, I crack myself up.

Perhaps they need a video blog. That would be something. I'm gonna need a more expensive app if it comes down to them being video stars.

I've been toying with a video blog for myself. The written blog is somewhat like old school MTV. Cheesy and rather out of date, soon to be a lost art. But, I'm not very photogenic like those video bloggers with 500,000 subscribers. So, writing it will be. At least for now.

The dogs are photogenic. And, they are hams. They'd be an instant hit.

Wait--I have a better idea. What if I use the app I use for the dog videos to make videos of myself?

Oh, you know what's coming next......




Sunday, January 14, 2018

Firing Up with Furry

Yes, that's supposed to say Furry.

The Addivere Dog Furry Olympics (see previous blog) continue as scheduled. The "find the food under the cup" event has become a staple of the training. Rosita hasn't quite figured out that she should eat the food once she knocks over the cup--she carries the cups around in triumph, leaving the treats for her mighty smart sister. I'm not sure how Fluff will do when it comes to today's training for "Firing Up Fetch Furry and Sprint." Perhaps the obstacle course (yet to be built) will be her specialty.

Speaking of firing up and furry-ing... on the day it was available, I purchased that 45-related book about firing up. To be honest, I didn't buy it because I wanted to read it. The nightly news is bad enough. I don't need a play-by-play of the ridiculousness. I purchased it because 45 was babbling about a cease and desist. Someone didn't want any of us reading a book that might not be of Faux News flavor. Um, wow. There's this thing called freedom of speech... that thing used willy nilly by today's hair apparent. No, there was no way I wasn't going to buy that book. It was my big middle finger about the stupidity of ceasing and desisting anything of which was perfectly legal.

I think buying the book makes me more of a patriot, not less.

As for the actual book... I found it interesting, easy-to-read, never surprising (nothing surprises me about politics these days), sometimes tabloid-sounding but always interesting. I'm not surprised ol' alt-right Bannon scooted off into the sunset, tail between his legs, after that book was released. (He'll have lots of free time to hang out with the Tiki-torched boys now that he's been given the boot from his own publication and from the house of 45.)

I don't think it's going to make any difference as related to 45. The guy's untouchable. His 30% love that he's a racist pig and the book didn't bring up anything not already known. Perhaps his son-in-law should be shitting in his pants but 45 is in no worse for the wear.

Personally, I can't figure out if the guy is as disgusting as he appears or if he's a genius... nor can I tell who is really running our government. I was hoping the book would shed more light on this. Maybe a tweet will be tweeted and my answer will be given, but the book didn't answer my questions.

Enough of that dribble. I shall now cease and desist on that subject.

It's supposed to snow again today. That means I am going to have to step up the Winter Games. We've already enjoyed Breakfast of Champions and the half-mile walk. Next up: the swimming events (a 7 AM bath), followed by the sprint semi-final heats (running around the couch after getting a bath). From there, we'll move on to the king kong marathon (who can devour a Kong in the shortest amount of time). I know another half-mile walk is scheduled before the snow flies. The day will close out with the bully stick chewing competition, right after we complete the drug testing (no furry friends may use performance-enhancing drugs). If we don't watch closely enough, Rosita will pee in the house and we can use that for her sample.

All we have to do is take Bandido near a tree, bush or mailbox to get her sample. She is all fired up and furry when it comes to urinating on outdoor objects.

Very furry. She's ridiculous furry, hair sticking out all over the place. Although she is not fond of "swimming," I'm sure the swimming competition will enhance her look.

Rosita can win the swimming competition. She loves a good bath. This is her time to shine, to go for the gold. This gives her the edge on the post-swimming sprint. I see glory in Fluff's near future. Fired up and curly.

....as long as she doesn't poop on the track. Pooping on the carpet is a definite disqualification.

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Friday, January 05, 2018

Rising, Shining, Olympian-ing

Today, we take our lives back. We are determined to rise--AND SHINE--when WE want to rise and shine.

This is not political or philosophical....

....This is about the DOGS. We are taking back our lives from the dogs.

Since their arrival, we have allowed the rescue pups to dictate our morning routine. Perhaps we allowed this to happen because we thought going with THEIR flow was THE way to go. Perhaps we thought we were doing the "right" thing by getting up when they were ready to get up. Perhaps we got so used to getting up with geriatric Freckles (because she couldn't go the entire night without going outside to pee) that we forgot that's not the "usual." No matter. The issue is that I didn't train good ol' Rosita that 4 AM is not exactly the perfect time to rise and shine time.
But, no more. NO MAS, perritos. We stand firm and we will get up when we want to get up. WE will determine when we will rise AND shine, not YOU.

Today was the first test. At 4 AM, little alarm clock Rosita started crying and barking and scratching at the gate. I got up and barked with the most barking-voice possible. Actually, I'd call it yelling. I yelled down the stairs: "NO! GO BACK TO BED!"

I heard a small peep and again yelled, "NO! GO TO BED!"

Silence. I heard silence. I went back to bed and laid there, unable to sleep because now I was awake and I because I was sure I'd have to get up and yell again. But, I was determined to stay in bed and "show" her who is "boss." The training had begun.

Incredibly, she went back to bed until I was ready to get up at our planned time of 4:45 AM.  Why on earth didn't I think to do this three months ago?  Those were 45 glorious "extra" minutes, even though I was awake.

So, we'll see how this goes over the next few weeks. I plan on holding firm. I'm guessing there will be an extinction curve, but that I can handle. There is nothing more powerful than me, my little pups.

Well, the wife is more powerful than me but we'll ignore that fact.
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For those of you not living through the current cold snap, allow me: the wind chill has been below-zero every day for the past two weeks. The actual temperature has been hanging out in the single digits, even at the warmest part of the day. That's mighty cold for people-walking, let alone dog-walking. Add to that the snow that continues to fall... neighbors not shoveling.... the streets white with salt.

Senoritas Rosita and Bandido love walking. They thankfully don't exactly understand wind chills. They don't seem to give one care about snow. They WANT to go walking. They NEED to go walking. But, poor Rosita's paws hate the salt (it must hurt) and both demonstrate the "frozen little paws-in-the-air" movement as we trudge through the just-deep-enough-to be a pain-in-the-ass snow. (Remember, these are little dogs. Big dogs don't think twice about a few inches of unshoveled snow.) They have no love for their coats of which they must wear. Yet, they demand their daily walk.

Because we've been able to squeeze one 11-minute walk per day (that's how long it takes to get around the half-mile circle), we've been saved from certain doom. (I pick up Rosita and carry her over the salty streets, so if you see us and you're wondering what the hell is going on, that's what's happening.) But, an 11 minute walk is not enough for the two energetic pups. Now that my vacation is ending, we won't be able to walk in the middle of the day when it is the warmest, which makes it even more difficult for Scruff and Fluff to expend energy....

So, at the suggestion of a friend, I am setting up the "Indoor Winter Dog Olympics."

The first event was held yesterday. Actually, it was the time trial for the "Find the treats under the Dixie Cups" event. This go-for-the-gold event requires the Olympic Committee to place a few pieces of kibble under dixie cups scattered around the room. The goal is that the dogs have to find the cups, knock them over (or kick them or whatever) and find the treat. A bit of cognitive stimulation along with fun and use of energy.

Bandido understood the game immediately and crushed the competition. Poor Rosita only got to one dixie cup while her sister devastated the nine remaining cups. In fact, Bandido was carrying empty cups around the room while Rosita stood there, stymied about what was going on. Round Two went a wee bit better, as we separated the competition. In the second time trial, Bandido set a world record. Rosita scored a bit better than the first time but unless the cups were right in front of her, she didn't understand the game. I have faith that today will bring better results for her.

At this moment, I'm planning the "Indoor Olympian Canine Steeplechase," with time trials taking place at 3 PM. Speed, agility and grit will be required. There will be stairs, hurdles and turns and.... well, I think I'll skip the water jumps. I don't think the wife is ready for that. I'm not sure how I'm going to teach Rosita how to "do" this event but I know Bandido will shine. Perhaps I'll dress Rosita in her winter coat and leg warmers and let her sit in the stands instead of steeple-chasing.

No matter what transpires, I'll need the wife's help to run this event. I can't keep the dogs on course by myself. It's a house-long track. Besides, someone has to help Rosita learn the ropes. Bandido will be done and having a snack by the time I get Rosita through the first leg of the race.

I'm not sure who will be more tired by all these events--me or the dogs. I'm more out of shape than usual due to my vacation training of Netflixing-for-hours, serial napping, marathon book reading and Amazonian shopping. I'm well-rested and relaxed but I'm definitely not in Olympian shape.

There are a few events that definitely WON'T be held: Olympic Carpet-Peeing and High-jump-Table Surfing won't be on the docket. I feel a wee bit bad about this as those are two events that Rosita has mastered. Perhaps she'll excel at the Neighborhood Half-Mile Marathon--she's mighty fast but does she have the endurance? She's got the sprint speed.... as long as there's no salt, I think she'll give Bandido a run for the money.

Hmmm.... maybe I should have a weather-inspired dogsled race. Bandido can drag the sled and Rosita can sit on it. I can drive the car behind them to ensure they stay on course. (The hell if I'm running behind them. The only place I'm running is to get another snack between TV shows.) I'll sew little Olympic rings onto their coats.... take videos.... cheer loudly....

That's it! I'll make them uniforms.... complete with the American and Mexican flags. Rosita is the fashionista of the two, so a uniform might propel her to glory. Bandido's disdain for clothing might slow her down enough so Rosita can find TWO dixie cups during this evening's quarter finals....

Maybe I'll make the wife an Olympic Committee uniform, too! 

Or, maybe not. Don't want to press my luck. I need her to help me run events. I can't risk an Olympic boycott....

Let the games begin!
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