Friday, January 05, 2018

Rising, Shining, Olympian-ing

Today, we take our lives back. We are determined to rise--AND SHINE--when WE want to rise and shine.

This is not political or philosophical....

....This is about the DOGS. We are taking back our lives from the dogs.

Since their arrival, we have allowed the rescue pups to dictate our morning routine. Perhaps we allowed this to happen because we thought going with THEIR flow was THE way to go. Perhaps we thought we were doing the "right" thing by getting up when they were ready to get up. Perhaps we got so used to getting up with geriatric Freckles (because she couldn't go the entire night without going outside to pee) that we forgot that's not the "usual." No matter. The issue is that I didn't train good ol' Rosita that 4 AM is not exactly the perfect time to rise and shine time.
But, no more. NO MAS, perritos. We stand firm and we will get up when we want to get up. WE will determine when we will rise AND shine, not YOU.

Today was the first test. At 4 AM, little alarm clock Rosita started crying and barking and scratching at the gate. I got up and barked with the most barking-voice possible. Actually, I'd call it yelling. I yelled down the stairs: "NO! GO BACK TO BED!"

I heard a small peep and again yelled, "NO! GO TO BED!"

Silence. I heard silence. I went back to bed and laid there, unable to sleep because now I was awake and I because I was sure I'd have to get up and yell again. But, I was determined to stay in bed and "show" her who is "boss." The training had begun.

Incredibly, she went back to bed until I was ready to get up at our planned time of 4:45 AM.  Why on earth didn't I think to do this three months ago?  Those were 45 glorious "extra" minutes, even though I was awake.

So, we'll see how this goes over the next few weeks. I plan on holding firm. I'm guessing there will be an extinction curve, but that I can handle. There is nothing more powerful than me, my little pups.

Well, the wife is more powerful than me but we'll ignore that fact.
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For those of you not living through the current cold snap, allow me: the wind chill has been below-zero every day for the past two weeks. The actual temperature has been hanging out in the single digits, even at the warmest part of the day. That's mighty cold for people-walking, let alone dog-walking. Add to that the snow that continues to fall... neighbors not shoveling.... the streets white with salt.

Senoritas Rosita and Bandido love walking. They thankfully don't exactly understand wind chills. They don't seem to give one care about snow. They WANT to go walking. They NEED to go walking. But, poor Rosita's paws hate the salt (it must hurt) and both demonstrate the "frozen little paws-in-the-air" movement as we trudge through the just-deep-enough-to be a pain-in-the-ass snow. (Remember, these are little dogs. Big dogs don't think twice about a few inches of unshoveled snow.) They have no love for their coats of which they must wear. Yet, they demand their daily walk.

Because we've been able to squeeze one 11-minute walk per day (that's how long it takes to get around the half-mile circle), we've been saved from certain doom. (I pick up Rosita and carry her over the salty streets, so if you see us and you're wondering what the hell is going on, that's what's happening.) But, an 11 minute walk is not enough for the two energetic pups. Now that my vacation is ending, we won't be able to walk in the middle of the day when it is the warmest, which makes it even more difficult for Scruff and Fluff to expend energy....

So, at the suggestion of a friend, I am setting up the "Indoor Winter Dog Olympics."

The first event was held yesterday. Actually, it was the time trial for the "Find the treats under the Dixie Cups" event. This go-for-the-gold event requires the Olympic Committee to place a few pieces of kibble under dixie cups scattered around the room. The goal is that the dogs have to find the cups, knock them over (or kick them or whatever) and find the treat. A bit of cognitive stimulation along with fun and use of energy.

Bandido understood the game immediately and crushed the competition. Poor Rosita only got to one dixie cup while her sister devastated the nine remaining cups. In fact, Bandido was carrying empty cups around the room while Rosita stood there, stymied about what was going on. Round Two went a wee bit better, as we separated the competition. In the second time trial, Bandido set a world record. Rosita scored a bit better than the first time but unless the cups were right in front of her, she didn't understand the game. I have faith that today will bring better results for her.

At this moment, I'm planning the "Indoor Olympian Canine Steeplechase," with time trials taking place at 3 PM. Speed, agility and grit will be required. There will be stairs, hurdles and turns and.... well, I think I'll skip the water jumps. I don't think the wife is ready for that. I'm not sure how I'm going to teach Rosita how to "do" this event but I know Bandido will shine. Perhaps I'll dress Rosita in her winter coat and leg warmers and let her sit in the stands instead of steeple-chasing.

No matter what transpires, I'll need the wife's help to run this event. I can't keep the dogs on course by myself. It's a house-long track. Besides, someone has to help Rosita learn the ropes. Bandido will be done and having a snack by the time I get Rosita through the first leg of the race.

I'm not sure who will be more tired by all these events--me or the dogs. I'm more out of shape than usual due to my vacation training of Netflixing-for-hours, serial napping, marathon book reading and Amazonian shopping. I'm well-rested and relaxed but I'm definitely not in Olympian shape.

There are a few events that definitely WON'T be held: Olympic Carpet-Peeing and High-jump-Table Surfing won't be on the docket. I feel a wee bit bad about this as those are two events that Rosita has mastered. Perhaps she'll excel at the Neighborhood Half-Mile Marathon--she's mighty fast but does she have the endurance? She's got the sprint speed.... as long as there's no salt, I think she'll give Bandido a run for the money.

Hmmm.... maybe I should have a weather-inspired dogsled race. Bandido can drag the sled and Rosita can sit on it. I can drive the car behind them to ensure they stay on course. (The hell if I'm running behind them. The only place I'm running is to get another snack between TV shows.) I'll sew little Olympic rings onto their coats.... take videos.... cheer loudly....

That's it! I'll make them uniforms.... complete with the American and Mexican flags. Rosita is the fashionista of the two, so a uniform might propel her to glory. Bandido's disdain for clothing might slow her down enough so Rosita can find TWO dixie cups during this evening's quarter finals....

Maybe I'll make the wife an Olympic Committee uniform, too! 

Or, maybe not. Don't want to press my luck. I need her to help me run events. I can't risk an Olympic boycott....

Let the games begin!
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