Friday, November 24, 2017

Things for which I am not grateful

I've gone back and forth about posting this entry. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just feeling tentative, which is quite a departure from the usual. I have some pretty funny photos of the dogs I thought I'd share instead, but this kept surfacing. So, I'll post a significantly-edited rendition. You can always ignore it. That's the beauty of Internet. You can ignore at will. 

....This time of year, Facebook is oozing with gratitude. Memes, quotes, profession of thanks, family photos, blessings and pictures of food. From our house to yours, from Jesus to the Universe. Gratitude everywhere. For shits and giggles, I wanted to list things for which I am not grateful. I know you're supposed to focus on things you want, not stuff you don't want--it's about the positive, not the negative. I thought I'd be an ass and spit on all those positive memes and sappy posts....

Problem was, every time I tried to list things for which I'm not grateful, it was followed by thoughts of how supposedly "negative things" lead to positive things, action and gratitude.

Damn negatives, looking all positive. 

I assumed Asswipe #45, morons with tiki torches and obscenely-rich white men dedicated to oppressing/screwing/shitting on everyone except for themselves would be easy "no-gratitude-from me" targets. (Seriously, who carries tiki torches and wears khaki pants when trying to prove their superiority?) Yet, such buffoonery, ignorance and fear has led to more women getting involved in politics. It's sparked people to become civilly involved, to stand up and speak their truth. It's led to people talking about topics of which they've not spoken before.There is more action, less sideline. Less complacency, more awareness. Survivors are looking perpetrators in the eye and saying NO MORE. People are realizing how much they took for granted, assuming everything will still be "there" for them without effort. Heck, tiki torch manufacturers had a record year.

Sometimes it takes something pretty big to spark a movement. We've got a whole fireworks show going on. How can I not be grateful for that?

Dang. If I can't even muster up a giant, slimy ball of ingrate for 45, my attempt to be ungrateful is a complete failure. And, for that I am grateful, too.

So, I thank 45 and the fear-driven for reminding me that I have the power to make a difference. I am glad I can stand for what is right and good and moral and compassionate. I am grateful to find my kindred spirits. I am delighted for all the good and beautiful and sacred in the world. I am thankful I can be bold and strong and fierce.

I celebrate the fact that I don't have to wear white polos and khaki pants because I am afraid.

I am grateful I am not not grateful. 

I hope you had a fabulous Thanksgiving, whatever that means to you. Perhaps it's the kind that requires you to unbutton your pants because they are too tight after dinner. Maybe it's the kind that leads to sharing the table with those you love. Perhaps it's football or shopping or walking or solitude or napping or eating something other than turkey. Maybe it's a good shift while working on the holiday or holiday pay or making a difference for those who weren't having a fabulous Thanksgiving. However you define fabulous, I hope you found it.

And, so I don't end up being too serious....

This Thanksgiving, I say to you: May you live long and prosper. Unless you own a cat. Then, may you live long and prospurr.

Gobble Gobble.




Saturday, November 18, 2017

Tres Meses

It's been three months with the new pupitos. (I am going with the notion that pupitos is Spanish for puppies. I think it's only for one puppy--pupito--but, my Spanish sucks so I'm going with it.) On one hand, I'm like, "it's ALREADY been THREE months?" On the other hand, I'm like, "It's ONLY been three months?" 

I think the wife would vote for "it's ONLY been three months?" view. 

Side note: Don't you think Bandido's ears make her look like "The Flying Nun?" 

At the three month mark, they know the sound of a peanut butter jar being opened, the jingle of their leashes, the flushing of the toilet in the middle of the night. They bark at just about anything, including the chime on my laptop, doorbells on TV, the actual doorbell, the opening of the neighbor's garage, the damn squirrel taunting them on the deck, the sound of the UPS truck. They've figured out that when the wife or I go to the basement it means we might be getting them a bone to chew. They survived their first taste of snow--just a dusting, but a new experience for them, to be sure. They've made it known they don't exactly love wearing their winter coats. Bandido no longer tries to pee on her sister (yes, ON her). And, they have made it perfectly clear that the only food that isn't going to come shooting back out of them (literally shooting shit out the back end) is that expensive prescription food. 

I've tried just about everything to change their food.... slowly, surely, one thing at a time... microscopic changes. Such nonsense is met with the most foul of greetings. I swear, the more expensive the food, the worse it is. (Well, besides the prescription food. That's expensive and not included in this equation.) Highly-ranked no-grain food= shit. Highly-ranked higher-fiber food= shit. Pumpkin = shit. No pumpkin= shit. I'm getting ready to try some low-ranked-crap-filled food, as maybe I'm feeding them too well. The ingredients of the prescription food looks like crap--lots of fillers and such. So, maybe I should go with fillers instead of healthy.

Or, as the wife suggests, maybe I should just stick with the prescription food and call it a day.

They are certainly yet to be sold on the importance of sitting in the back seat when riding in the car. They weasel their way into the front seat by any means possible. Even having the "hammock" type thing to keep them safe and in the back is no challenge for them. They sneak to the floor and then pop up like a gopher in the front. 

They hate squirrels. They are obsessed by squirrels. They are driven mad by squirrels. If only they could catch those damn squirrels. They hate the one that sits on the deck and laughs at Bandido. That is one naughty squirrel. 

I think the biggest surprise for me at the three month mark is that Bandido's hair continues to grow--little tufts here and there. It's basically only growing in the front and in the back--the middle has stayed the same. I never thought a groomer would be in her future. 

The second biggest surprise at the three month mark is that we haven't been able to catch the "Ninja Pooper." Someone finds it necessary to poop in the living room every once in awhile. Even though we are sitting right there  with us in the kitchen... someone manages to leave us a warm turd in the living room. 

The third biggest surprise at month three is how hard it's been to teach Rosita (1) her name and (2) how to sit. She FINALLY learned to sit on command two days ago. I'm not sure she actually gets it but it looks very promising. I believe she knows her name, especially if it is accompanied by the word "treat." 

In three months, they've certainly gained weight. I'm going to have to research how much they should weigh because I think I've crossed that threshold. I don't want Bandido to gain too much weight, seeing as her front legs are pencil thin. I've got to make sure her legs can hold her up without snapping. I mean, LOOK at those skinny legs! You have to feel how thin they are to believe it. Having extra weight makes her peanut head look even littler. 

Rosita has definitely crossed into the land of double digits. I used to pick her up with one hand. She is now a two-hand lift. Fluff needed to gain some weight and grow some hair. She's done fabulously on both accounts.

Today, we will take them shopping for their Christmas outfits. I'm sure they'll look spectacular. Something festive is a must. It'll be nice to get out of the house, as it's been raining and we haven't been able to go for walks. I'm sure Bandido will mark her territory at the store. That's her calling card. She'll lift her leg and pee on a pole. Rosita will look terrified until finding the treat aisle. Neither will remain in the back seat to or from the store. Perhaps we'll take a look at seat belts. That'll teach them to be ninjas. 

Three months. Fluff and Scruff: tres meses. Already or only?

Yes.



Sunday, November 05, 2017

Oh, what a relief it is

Hear that sound of relief? No? Sense that feeling of relief? No? Well, I do and I'm so gonna make you hear about it.

The implementation of the new electronic health record at work went about as good as it could. Praise the baby Jesus, nothing came to a crashing halt. Nothing blew up. Everyone kept working. Lots of glitches and snags but nothing not anticipated. Incredibly to me, there weren't any big headaches (knock on wood). The problems experienced were mainly my errors, so I was able to fix them without too much angst. We are far from done but today is my first day of relief since August. I had to work a few hours this morning but that's better than working the whole Sunday. I might actually watch football without multi-tasking. Well, besides preparing for tomorrow night's class. But, that's fun and not stressful at all.

The weight is off my shoulders. I think I heard my neck muscles sigh in relief this morning. I feel like I've walked out into the sunshine after a brutal, lengthy duration of blackness.

You don't truly realize the magnitude of stress until you are released from its grip.

The wife is experiencing some relief as the dogs are only blessing the flooring every three days or so and it's usually because we're not paying attention. You can't yell at a pooping dog when it's your fault. It appears prescription food will be a staple for the time being because every time we try and cut back, the poop starts flying.

I'm sure the dogs sense relief at not having so much gastrointestinal distress. I know they vote for continued prescription food. I am so not going to argue. They deserve some relief.

The wife announced that rescue dogs are more work than puppies. I'm not sure I totally agree but they are a lot of work. They have lots of baggage, most of which we don't know anything about. We make up stories about their pasts as part of our evening fun. They don't seem to care as long as we give them treats. They are 100% food driven.

Come to think of it, I am, too.....

Speaking of the dogs, we are very entertained by the growth of Bandido's hair. We thought she wouldn't need to be groomed beyond some nail clipping. As 45 would say: "WRONG!" She is a scruffy, tufted hot mess. All we can do is laugh. Personally, I think she's preparing for the Yankee winter. It looks even weirder than can be described as it's the "front" of her that's growing, not the back. How is this even possible? It's like her "rottweiler back end" is the same while the front end is sprouting. Photos will definitely be posted in the near future.

I've started calling them "Scruff and Fluff."

The dogs and I had to have a conversation this morning as they certainly did NOT get the memo about the time change. They wake up around 4:30 AM , so it took some convincing this morning that it's not okay to get up at what is now 3:30 AM.

There is potential that the title of this blog will lead unsuspecting googlers to this page. I assume at least some of you remember the commercial from which this phrase comes from. It not, google it and see if it brings you back to this page or to the advertisement.

I'm going to watch football. I'm going to watch a movie. I'm going to take a nap. I am going to go out to eat. I'm going to eat ice cream for enjoyment, not for stress relief. I am going to relish in this first day of relief.

I've missed you. But, here I am. All yours. Kiss kiss.
***************************************************