Here's the Scoop

Since I don't have time to fully blog right now (well, at least not today), I thought I'd share the scoop. I didn't write this stuff but I sure wish I did. This first diddie is from "Poopie Poems," which features the tag: "The Largest Collection of Poop Poems on the Web." 

You can find Poopie Poems at www.poopiepoems.com

These poop poems are very timely, as we are currently living in "The Poopatorium," where our dogs shoot the shit just about on command. Bad idea for me to try and wean them off their special, expensive presciption food. (Dang, it's the only thing that allows for solid poops.) It's an expense of which we can embrace because I'd rather pay money than clean up dog poop all over the kitchen.

With that in mind, I give you three of my favorite Poopie Poems. Thank you, poopers.

Dog Poo

 I know it sounds disgusting, but its a thing you have to do,

If you live with mans best friend you have to pick up poo!
They come in different sizes, thats the poo's not the dogs,
That's why I chose a little pooch, I don't want to pick up logs!

Now if my fury friend goes to toilet in the garden,
I tend to get sense of joy, if I find a harden.
Because picking up the soft ones is really quite a task,
Especially if the lawn needs mowing, your bag fills up with grass!

I like to try and keep my lawn, tidy, short and trim,
I can then spot poo's a mile off and get them bin.
Autumn makes things tricky when the leaves fall to the ground.
Its like playing spot the poo in the different shades of brown!

Now if your doggy likes to run to do his poop in peace,
Finding it to pick it up is frustrating to say the least.
In the winters frosty air, its not so difficult as it seems,
The poop will show you where it is, just look out for the steam.

I get in quite a pickle if my dog poops in a place,
Where other dogs have done their business, a dilemma I must face.
Poop Identification, is it mines, or is it not,
But I know if I get the right one, as I grab it, its still hot!

Now the most important thing of all, is if you own a dog,
When they go to toilet, poop scooping is your job.
Don't ignore the doggy mess, it may end up on someones shoe,
Make sure you always pick it up, the responsibility is down to YOU!

"Julie H-P"  

Flight of the poo

 I can imagine you sitting on the toilet right now.

Your brown baby makes his way out of the belly button of your ass.

He peeks through, and looks into the majestic waters he's about to enter. 

He glides out of you like a graceful bat, in the night sky. 

His little pellets plunge into the water like ducklings.

They sink to their shallowy grave, 

never again to be seen by man kind after the flush.

The struggle is real for fecal matter.

...and, finally....

“The more you stir it, the more it stinks.” – Brazilian proverb

The more that you stir it, the more it will stink –
The higher it’s piled, the deeper it sinks –
The more you proclaim it, the less that you know –
The greater the load, the more pompous the show –2

When you throw it, it splatters –
When you crush it, like jam it spreads out – 
When you fart, there’s always a danger that some might come out –

Go home, and it’s with you as you walk through the door –
If you don’t have enough, you can always make more –
Give it to someone you love, and they’ll soon send it back –
Released in your undies, it leaves a brown track –

Now doctors won’t tell you what any turd knows –
The more that you eat, the bigger it grows –
If it plugs up your butt, it can ruin your day –
When nature comes calling, it’s best not to delay –
So don’t blame it on God if your bowels should protest –
For to him, what we call shit is in fact one holy mess.

-Venerable Moneyya