Loafing

Yesterday, I was sent to a local bread-making company to pick up a bunch of bread for our agency training. I wouldn't call it a bakery as they make bread, bread and bread. While driving there, I found the humor in sending the gluten-free person to pick up gluten-dripping bread.

I don't usually miss bread; after all, there are many gluten-free bread products. Oh, the substitutes aren't as delicious or nutrition or what not, but they serve to fulfill the need for bread.

I walk in to the bread place and I'm immediately SLAPPED in the face by the smell of baking bread. Hundreds and hundreds of loaves, slapping me all at the same time.

It was warm and delicious and comforting and wonderful and overpowering. I stopped for a second before approaching the counter as to inhale a most deep breath of bread air.

The owner saw me and laughed. She then assured me that reaction happens all the time.

I came to my senses and alerted her of my mission. She said the last loaf of bread was still in the oven. I indicated I was in NO hurry. One should never hurry when bread is baking.

It was then she said the words of which I did not see coming....

Baker Lady: Would you like a piece of chocolate chip pumpkin bread while you're waiting?

Me: blank stare.

Baker Lady: It's still warm.

Me: eyes wide open.

Baker Lady does't wait. She takes out the bread knife. I open my mouth to say "no thank you" (without saying anything about being gluten-free--just politely declining)...

...but, out comes, "SURE!"

Gluten-free, be damned. I've gone two years without knowingly eating gluten. I've been very good. In fact, I've been stellar. I've avoided gluten with gusto. But, that warm smell of dancing carbs and that chocolate melting in the sea of pumpkin--it was just.too.much.

She handed me the warm piece of chocolate chip pumpkin bread. I think I might have shed a tear. I look at it with the most loving of eyes. For one millisecond, I questioned what I am doing....

Can I say that one millisecond might be giving it more time than it was?

I took a bite. I closed my eyes. I completely melted into the moment, just like those chocolate chips melted into the loaf.

That was the best gluten-laden product I have EVER eaten in my life. EVER.

I didn't care how long it took for our agency bread took. I was in another dimension.

I tried to eat it slowly but it was impossible. I tried to savor every morsel but it was like torture. My only goal became not shoving the entire piece into my mouth at one time.

Since going gluten-free, I've felt much better. My thyroid numbers improved and I stopped having my weird lower intestine pain. I stopped having headaches (besides the regular sinus headaches of which I'm okay with and understand). I thought about those things when taking the last bite of that orgasmic pumpkin bread. And, you know what?

It was worth EVERY.SINGLE.ISSUE that might pop up during the next 24 hours. Every single one.

When I finally opened my eyes and licked my fingers to ensure I had not missed one crumb, the baker lady laughed. She assured me that, too was often the reaction.

Suffice it to say, I woke up the next day with a headache. And, you know what? I smiled. SMILED. I smiled ear to ear. I've never smiled when having a headache but today it was like I was honoring that most indescribably delicious pumpkin bread. I knew I'd be back on the wagon today. I was all good with one cheat day in two years.

I totally owned that headache like a boss.

I'm back on the gluten-free wagon. I no longer have a headache and my body parts are just fine. I'll keep up my efforts to remain free of that most fabulous gluten. And, I'll remember that piece of warm chocolate chip pumpkin bread for the rest of my life.

Perhaps in two years I should go back and have another piece.

Perhaps in one year I should go back and have another piece--two years is a long time to go without a cheat day.

Perhaps I should politely decline the next time my boss sends me to a bread store.

Piss, I'll say yes again someday. But, this time I'll bring some butter. Just in case.
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