Pink Squared

Last blog entry, I was concerned about the wife's health status. She was having neck issues, leading to a numb hand and LOTS of pain here and there. She had a cold and a totally clogged ear. She was in dire pain, looked like shit and felt even worse. Having a summer cold is miserable enough. But, pain and numbness and hearing loss? Ugh.

To be honest, I liked the ear plug issue. It meant she couldn't hear me when I was standing on her left side. She didn't complain once about me clearing my throat (an unfortunate issue as related to allergies).

Good news is that the wife went to the doctor AND that she took the photo of her  lower back herniated disks that led to permanent nerve damage in her foot. (It's always good to emphasize the failings of the medical system so they actually listen.) I was afraid she wouldn't go to the clinic but she was miserable enough to jump into the "medical loop." Poor thing was diagnosed with a nasty ear infection, arthritis and neuropathy. She was allowed an x-ray but not an MRI, as the "medical loop" requires she goes "in order" (x-ray, medication, physical therapy, THEN an MRI).

The doctor gets bonus points for asking the wife if she has been under a lot of stress lately. Good catch. My faith in the medical system increased a wee bit because that doctor recognized and mentioned the stress. Yes, the wife has been under a lot of stress. (Perhaps she should send her pharmacy, doctor and insurance bills to the cause of her stress. Or, I'd be happy to drop the bills off in person. I'm always up for a road trip.)

Since her doctor's visit, the wife has been a walking pharmacy. Better living through chemicals, I say. From painkillers to antibiotics, she is a pill box's dream.

She didn't think it could get worse. Then....

.....she got double pink-eye.

Pink squared. When it rains, it pours.

The wife still can't hear, she's stoned on pain meds and she's got two bloodshot, goober-crusted eyes. She looks like a bad party in the early 1980's. (Or, a good party, depending on how you look at it.) Despite just being at the doctor, she had to go back to get eye drops for conjunctivitis--to "prove" she actually had pink eye. I told her she should have sent the doctor a selfie so she could see the issue. Anyone within a 50 mile radius could see the issue was pink eye.
So, now there are eye drops added to the pharmacy on the kitchen table. 

I SWEAR TO YOU I DID NOT FART ON HER PILLOW. (This is an urban myth. But, I should probably not fart on her pillow, myth or not.)

Since the implementation of the pharmacy, I've been begging her to go get some yogurt. I offered to go get her some yogurt. She finally gave in and purchased a tub of yogurt.

Why have I been so adamant about yogurt? Because the way things are going, she is 100% guaranteed to get a yeast infection from the antibiotic. 

As for me, I remain cold-free, pink-eye free and pain free. Hear that sound? It's me knocking--pounding--on wood. Thank you, Universe for my continued health and happiness!

For the record, I've been taking pink-eye meds, too--preventative measure so I don't get the dreaded eyeball issue. The doctor gets bonus-bonus points for thinking of me and my eye balls. That kind of makes up for the fact that the doctor wouldn't prescribe pink eye medication without seeing her, despite having seen her just 24 hours earlier.

Humorously enough--well, humorously enough to be--we are going to see PINK in concert tomorrow night.
Pinky will be with Pink. 
Wait--is that Pink Cubed? Two eyes + one Pink = Three pinks. Pink Cubed.

I hear that pink eye isn't contagious after a certain amount of time and after the initiation of medication. Here's hoping. After all....

...Pink doesn't need pink. Hell, I don't need pink. Come to think of it, no one needs pink unless it's Pink. We all could use a little Pink in our lives.

We are supposed to go to a birthday party later today. I don't think we're going lest we "pink up" the party. This is a super-drag as it's a very beloved good friend's surprise party (hope she's not reading this yet... Um. Surprise?). I don't think the wife's eyes are contagious any more but how can we chance it? I told her she could wear sunglasses and no one would be the wiser. She could stay far away from people and not touch anything. Still....

Pink cubed is bad enough. Exponential pink eye growing, expanding, invading... not good. Not good at all.


It's time... Dear Saint Jude, patron saint of lost causes: Please swoop down upon the wife and free her from her ailments and pinky ways. Keep her from pinking up a party or concert. Pinkify those at concerts but not in our home. Pinkify yourself but pinkify us not. Help her unclog her ear, feel her hand and not look totally stoned. Take her pink eye and keep her yeast. May her cheeks be pink but not her eyes. In this we pray in your hopeless way, The Addiverse.

A pink St. Jude. Seriously. I am feeling hopeful. Amen.