I was hoping my "clothes in a box" would have arrived by now, as the fodder for this blog will be OFF.THE.CHARTS! Yes, I am awaiting my first order from a company that takes your measurements, asks you about your style and then sends you five articles of clothing that you will supposedly love. Well, I want YOU to be part of this fun... I guarantee we will be hooting and hollering about what is in that box. It's called "unboxing" and I plan on documenting the entire thing. I told them no skinny jeans, no high waist jeans, no foo-foo jeans. I warned them not to send me shoes, jewelry or accessories. I was clear that I am not the dress clothes wearing type.
On-line-probably-a-computer-program Stylist: Heeled Shoes?
Me: No.
Stylist: Sun Dress?
Me: No.
Stylist: Dangling earrings?
Me: No.
Stylist: How about a brown peasant blouse?
Me: How about no?
Stylist: Is it the brown or the peasant part that is wrong?
Me: Yes.
Stylist: What do you usually wear?
Me: Jeans and a t-shirt.
Stylist: What do you wear to work?
Me: Jeans and a t-shirt.
Stylist: What do you wear when you are out on the town?
Me: Jeans and a t-shirt.
Stylist: Why are you using our service?
Me: Because it'll get my sister-in-law 25% off her next order.
Stylist: What on earth do you actually want?
Me: Some of those short pants.
Stylist: Short pants?
Me: Yeah. Jean kind.
Stylist: You mean capris?
Me: Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.
Stylist: What kind of top would you like with your capris?
Me: A t-shirt?
Stylist: [blank stare]
Me: Maybe I should've ordered from the men's department.
Stylist: I'll add a little lace to the...
Me: No lace. No frill. No nothing.
Stylist: Sparkles on the pockets?
Me: No sparkles.
Stylist: Glitter?
Me: NOW YOU'RE TALKING!
The clothes are supposed to arrive in two days. I'm following the package... right now it is in Indiana. I'm warming up the camera and am ready to share the fun with YOU.
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Summer is here, as evidenced by the 90+ degree weather and the long days. June is by far my favorite month of the year. The lawn is still lush and green (as opposed to brown and straw-like in August), the days are long, the allergies are settling down, the winds are warm and the lightening bugs are sure to surface. The yucca plants are busy yucca-ing. The bugs aren't too buggy. The weather gives me opportunity to share my tattoos with the world. June can also be cold and soggy but this year we're off to a warm, sunny start. Bring on the tattoos.
I spend a whole lot of time outside in June. Yesterday, I broke every single fingernail I had while digging in the dirt and creating a "new" area for some ground cover. (No, I don't wear gardening gloves. What is the point of that? I want to feel the dirt--experience the earth. Broken finger nails are a small price to pay when gardening.) I thought the wife might not agree with my vision of filling the "grass isn't going to grow here" area with some mulch and ground cover, but she found it appropriate and the project was approved. Score!
Okay, maybe I employed the "better to ask for forgiveness than permission" mode of being during this project. I started digging when she wasn't looking and by the time she got out there to ask what I was up to, I had already laid out the design. Since she has difficulty picturing things, this illustration of the plan worked to my advantage. Not a peep of dissension.
She did poo-poo my idea of putting hostas in that area but she did go along with the pachysandra idea. The wife tends not to be a hosta person. I don't understand this, as they are perfect for the shady areas of the lawn. Maybe they are too boring for her taste. Maybe she's sick of them. Maybe it's because the bunnies keep eating them and they end up looking like green sticks instead of plants. Maybe she was killed by a hosta in a previous life. Hard to say.
Pachysandra rocks because it's low maintenance, it spreads like wildfire, it doesn't need a whole lot of sun, it doesn't need maintenance and it looks great once it takes root. I'm sure the newbie sprigs will look like poop this year but that's okay. They will be out of control by the time next summer arrives. (I did some research on this ground cover... who knew it was Japanese and that there are different types? I thought pachysandra was pachysandra was pachysandra. Bad gardener.)
The wife spends oodles of time outside because she is watering all the hanging baskets and planters she has strategically placed around the yard. Everywhere you look, there are hanging baskets. That's a lot of watering, especially when it's so warm and sunny out. If I can't find her, I just look at the planters. Or, I listen for the squishing sound of her Crocs. All that water gets her shoes squishy and they make a very distinct sound as she walks. I can hear her anywhere on the property. Her goal, besides being aesthetically pleasing, is to attract hummingbirds. (Oh sure, my obsession with Baltimore Orioles is ridiculous but her hunt for hummingbirds is just fine.) She's already been successful, as a hummingbird was flitting around the back yard yesterday. Bitter, party of one.
There is one big difference in my gardening efforts in comparison to my gardening prowess of ten years ago: now I stay in the shade whenever possible. When I have areas of which need to be weeded that are always in the sun, I do those areas before or after the sun is at its full glory. Before, I would have used that as an opportunity to get a tan. Now, I'd rather poke my eyes out than weed in the full blast of the sun. It's not that I don't like being tan... it's because I don't like being miserable and weeding in the full heat tends to be miserable. I'm done with misery. I can get a tan when I'm not working like a dog, thank you very much.
I hear it's supposed to be in the high 90's today. That's a bit much for being so early in the year, not that I mind. I will gladly sit out side when it's that warm, just not in the sun. It's been windy the past few days, so sitting outside borders on overwhelmingly delightful....
....maybe there will be some shorts in that "clothes in a box." Even some of those "short pants." That'd brighten my day, keep me cool and certainly fancy up my wardrobe game. But if I see one frill, one piece of lace, one accessory... that stylist of mine is gonna hear from me and you.
...She COULD make it up by sending me some glitter on a t-shirt.....
...or, by sending me something from the men's department. I do wish I could just wear the manly man's obligatory blue shirt with khakis and call it a day. Maybe she'll send me a blue t-shirt with khaki pants.
Oh, the fun we are about to have........
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