Friday, January 06, 2017

Of Mice and Tweets

Exciting news from the staycation. I'm sitting at the local Honda dealer, waiting for them to replace my "puffer," as I call it. You probably know it as an air bag. Now, if sitting at a car dealer isn't fun, I don't know what is. Even better--they are remodeling the dealership and thus I can't even hear my typing. I'm sure the showroom will look amazing but at this point it looks like smoke and sawdust. It's just like being on a tropic beach. Only not.

I'm sitting here with an s elderly gentleman who is being sold services by the service department. I want to scream "DON'T DO IT!" but bite my tongue. Forget the transmission nonsense! Don't let them do those "will eventually need" services. I agree (in my head, of course--besides, he couldn't hear me over the ruckus of the remodeling), he has to get a new air filter because a mouse ate through the current one. At least I can see that (you haven't lived until you've seen an air filter chewed by a mouse) and it is obvious what the problem is. Interestingly enough (to me, probably not you), the guy had brought his car in because of a smell. Turns out it was a rotting mouse. This makes my stay in the waiting room much more entertaining. At least I only need a puffer. He's got a dead mouse rotting somewhere in his car.

Early last summer, I received a recall warning from the car company. Not only did the notice tell me to not have people ride in the passenger side until it was replaced, it noted that I would get another notice when it was time to go get the new, safer puffer. Next thing I know it's December and they haven't alerted me of anything. I've given up on keeping people from riding in the passenger seat (I live on the edge) and I come to the conclusion they are not going to contact me. I call them at the end of the year to inquire of this issue. Result? Here I am, sitting in the waiting room, hoping the installation of a new puffer doesn't take longer than an hour.

I was going to charge my phone using the complimentary phone charging station, but every time I plug it in, the TV goes off. No kidding. I tried a few of the various ports, but every time--bam! Charging on, TV off. Since mouse man is sitting in the same area, I give up and give him the opportunity to watch the news.

Fox News. Perhaps I should plug my phone back in. I'm not exactly sure I can take an hour or more of Fox News.

Usually, my staycations are pretty impressive, quite relaxing and very enjoyable. This one has been a workout of avoiding work. The world of technology has ruined staycations. Actually, I think technology has been the scruge of many a vacation. Unless you are on a remote island with no cell phone reception and no internet access, you are available. I use my personal cell as my work phone--don't ask, it is what it is. Well, my phone has been blowing up, both with calls and texts. It is not like I am a high-ranking official in the company, but you'd think I was the CEO with all the calls and texts. I've checked my emails several times--mainly because I don't want to answer my calls and texts and know that there are going to be emails explaining why people are calling me. This, of course, means I am reading work emails when not at work, which means I am techincally working when I am supposed to be taking time off of work.

This is mine to own. No one said I had to read my emails. But, it appears I have information of which no one else has and thus people are looking for me. I mean, the director HR and the director of services have contacted me, so it's not like people are just asking me stupid questions. I have decided that when we go on vacation this summer, I will not be reading ANY emails and I will figure out a way to block work calls. I'd turn off my phone but need to be able to get calls and texts from family and friends. It's not a vacation if you're working during vacation. All it's done is irritate me, which is the exact opposite of what should happen during a vacation from work.

Back to the car dealership. Since the showroom is full of dust and dirt--no cars to be seen--I can't escape and go car window shopping. Since it is 5 below zero outside (and that's without the wind chill), I am certainly not going to go outside and look at cars. OH.MY.GOD. Fox News is babbling about Hillary and her emails, followed by Eddie Munster babbling as the Head House Guy. I'm going to plug in my phone and I'm gonna tell that guy Fox News is eating my brain, like the mouse was eating his air filter. Now, one of those "animals in torture" ASPCA commercials is on and I can't change the channel, as he's holding the remote. Now I am listening to how using Twitter by the President Elect is wonderful. It works. They see it as "a transparent effort" that the President is able to communicate directly communicate with his people. "It's effective."

Oh, it's effective. It gets attention. It's as effective as inserting a mouse into my brain.

As long-time readers know, my car "screams" when started. I can't wait for them to fire up "Terry" (for Pterodactyl) and thus try to sell me all sorts of things to stop the scream. Little do they know, I like the scream. I am aware of the scream. I've had the scream looked at by my personal mechanic. My car runs just fine despite the scream.

Maybe I should look surprised when they mention it and claim that has NEVER happened before, bellowing loudly, "What have you done to my car?"

No. You know what I'm going to say? I'm gonna open my eyes big as saucers. I'm then going to exclaim, "Oh my god! That guy's mouse must've gotten into my engine! Get that guy's mouse out of my car!!!!"

I will then throw myself on the floor and roll in the sawdust. I can tweet about it when I get off the floor. Can't you imagine the hashtags?
#CarMiceLoveCheetos
#PufferPaws
#FoxMiceScreams
#DeadMiceTellNoTales



Yes. I'm blaming the mouse. This mouse has redeemed my staycation, Thank you, dead mouse. Thank you.
Fox News, read my tweets.
All mice, fear my car.
Co-workers, figure it out.
Pterodactyl, keep on screaming.
Puffer, no puffing without clear puffing need.
Sawdust, be my sand.
#StaycationBlogging, be my friend.

In car dealerships we trust. 

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