Turkey Trot

Yes, I've been purposefully avoiding you. I'm not proud but I am honest... with both you and with myself. Like the young monk in the lesson about letting go, I've had trouble leaving behind the turkey load of which I've been carrying for a week. (If you don't know that little diddy, you should look it up. It's a goodie.)



A walk is always a great way to clear the head--empty out the brain, leave the heavy stuff behind. I do love a good walk. So, I went for a walk, focusing on all the good, all the love, all the beauty, all the gifts, all the blessings in my life. It was wonderful to be out and about, humming and singing and whistling.

As I'm walking, I see a flock of turkeys headed my way. Neighborhood turkeys--the kind that wander around the neighborhood now and again, the kind that don't care about traffic or people. Big turkeys. Scary killer turkeys. The turkeys usually saunter off when people come near to them but they are never in a hurry to do so. Heck, they barely rush as cars come zipping their way. They are crossing the street, about a block ahead of me. Five of them. Definitely on the move but not interested in me.

I have to take you back to Thanksgiving for a second. Imagine me seated at the kiddie table. The four-year-old seated next to me corrected me on my gobbling prowess. I gave my best gobble and he said to me, with the most serious of faces:

"that is NOT how a turkey gobbles." 

Since he seemed to be the turkey-gobbling-professional of the party, I asked him how a turkey gobbled. I think I'm a pretty good gobbler. He thinks I am not. I ask him to demonstrate what a turkey REALLY sounds like. He made this noise which made me laugh quite loudly. God Bless America--he did indeed sound like a real turkey! We gobbled our way right through dinner and I've been gobbling ever since.

Do you see where this is going?

So, I take a gander at these real-life turkeys and think," I wonder if his gobbling really works?"  I let out my best turkey gobble, just as he taught me. Of course I gobbled. Those are real turkeys. This is his moment of glory. I gobbled just like that kid taught me....

 ...the turkeys turned toward me...and, started RUNNING at me!

I obviously gobbled something of which they did not like. They were jumping over each other to get to me. Their necks were shuffling back and forth, they were running and they were MAD.

At first, I thought something must have spooked them but there was nothing anywhere near me. No cars, no other people, no dogs, no beeping, no barking. Nothing but me. I kept my eye on them, walking backwards as they raced closer. The chick in the front wasn't slowing down. 

I began to panic. Do turkeys attack? Do they poke eyes out? What the hell DO they do when they attack? I'm talking to them in the most calming of voices I can muster. I'm telling the turkeys that everything is all right and that I'm not threat and that it's fine for them to turn around and go back to their original mission, whatever that might be. 

Four of the five stop in their tracks, but that leader of the pack.... she's now walking next to me.

I speed up, she speeds up.

I start to trot, she starts to trot.  

I stop walking, she stops walking. 

I start walking, she starts walking. 

Her pals have stayed put, quite to my relief. She's definitely the pissiest of the group. For some unknown reason, she FINALLY turns around. I breathe a sigh of relief.

You know what I did, right?

I gobbled again.

I HAD TO! I wanted to know if it had been my gobbling that riled up those feathered friends.   

For the record, it was indeed my gobbling. Those birds were PISSED OFF. They were knocking each other out of the way in an effort to get to me. That lead bird was on my ass. My walk began to feature a bit more cardiovascular action than originally planned.

Thankfully, I was able to escape unscathed. Well, I was physically unscathed. I'm in need of therapy from the event. I will see turkeys in my nightmares for many nights to come.

It is no mistake that turkeys were chasing me, seeing as the load I'm carrying is from Thanksgiving. I couldn't carry that load while running from frantic fowl. Everything had to be left behind, lest eyeballs be poked out. I thanked the Universe for the message AND for letting me keep my eyeballs. See? I was meant to stay away from you for awhile. I wasn't ready for the Universe to send me a flock of killer turkey until this very day. 

I think I learned my lessons (it's important to let go AND it is good not to gobble at actual turkeys), but just to be safe, I'll stay out of that neighborhood for awhile. 

No gobbling, no carrying outdated loads. Leave the burden behind, leave the gobbling to the actual animals.


Well, no carrying outdated loads. I can't fully promise I won't gobble. Maybe Santa would like to hear me gobble. 

What sound do reindeer make? Hmmmm.....
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