Sugar Sugar

Day Four of Fourteen. Ten more days to go. Ten long, ugly, blood-curdling days to go.....

One of my clients is preparing for surgery, which includes a mandatory two week liquid diet. I thought that sounded absolutely horrible, almost impossible, certainly miserable. (I did not say this aloud. I'm an unempathetic counselor, not a cruel one.) As she spoke, I thought about how we could best support her. She has come so far--I figured there must be something we can "do" to show her we are behind her effort.

While sitting with her, I pondered aloud my musings. Suddenly, in a moment of weakness? Glory? Stupidity? Psychosis? I blurted out, "You know what? In solidarity, I'll give up sugar during your liquid diet!"

Those of you who know me grasp the severity of my sugar addiction, so for me to say something as incredible as that means something. It is the ultimate sacrifice in the Addiverse. You're talking about a person who puts a piece of dark chocolate in her mouth immediately upon waking, someone who runs on sugar. This would be the ultimate show of support. 

Thankfully, the client knows of my pathetic sugar addiction. Her eyes got wide. "You'd do that?" she asked, most definitely incredulous.

"Yup." I replied, sounding much more confident than my insides actually felt.

I didn't tell the wife of my plan; in fact, I didn't really tell anyone except the client and her case manager. I figured life would go on, I'd live through the fourteen days and no one would be the wiser. I figured this was between me and her. Fourteen days without solid food sounded a hell of a lot worse than sacrificing some sugary products.

Oh dear, dear, dear. It is only Day Four and I'm ready to chew the arms off every chocolate Santa on the planet, pour powdered sugar over my head and  swim in a sea of candy canes. I don't even like candy canes.

For the record, it is a really stupid time of year to be a sugar-free, gluten-free vegetarian. At least I still have caffeine at my disposal.

Had I just said "chocolate," that would at least have been easier. I would have been miserable but at least you can see chocolate. Sugar--damned substance that it is, is in everything. EVERYTHING. It's a real pain in the ass.

It is impossible to avoid sugar, so I had to go with the rule "No obvious sugar." This means no products such as candy canes, peppermints, candy bars, caramels, ice cream, cookies, pies, muffins and sugary cereal (you know, like Chocolate Chex). Protein bars also made the no-go list, as the ones I eat have more sugar in them than actual candy bars. (Hey, they are gluten free and vegan and full of protein--a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.) No adding sugar to products.

Day One was okay. The biggest problem I had was remembering what I was trying not to eat. I had to put a lot of thought into my food intake. My intake of chocolate is automatic. Get out of bed; eat a chocolate. Enter my office; eat a chocolate. Leave my office; eat a chocolate. Get home from work; eat a chocolate. After dinner, eat ice cream and a chocolate. It's like smoking--chocolate is a habit. Midday, I realized I didn't have any snacks without sugar. Being a snacker, I knew this would equate to failure, so I ran to the store and grabbed some mixed nuts, blue tortilla chips and a bag of gluten free pretzels (which I'm sure just turns to sugar once in the body, but I can't go that far in this sacrifice). The day time was relatively easy. it was the evening that brought me grief. I never realized what a habit sugar is--after dinner was definitely ugly. I was uncomfortable, but it was the thought, not a physical craving, that was problematic.

Day Two was about the same as Day One, only longer. I became even more aware of my addiction. I also became increasingly aware of how sugar really is in everything.

Day Three was ugly. I remember little of it beyond being miserable. I didn't have a head ache. I didn't have the shakes. I didn't really 'feel' anything in a physical sense; my anguish was mental. I didn't feel sad or angry or evil. I felt more like a caged animal. I felt like if I didn't get some sugar, I was going to claw my eyes out.  Let's face it: I was mired in misery.

Day Four brought hallucinations of ice cream. My car tried to veer through a drive-through to go get an ice cream cone. I had to fight back with all my strength, white knuckling the steering wheel. I ordered an iced tea at lunch but didn't drink it because they only had a certain canned tea product with more sugar than tea. I purchased what I thought was a peanut butter low sugar bar. Imagine how happy I was when I opened it to find a chocolate-covered, chemical-laden sugar bar (I purchased the wrong bar, obviously).

Bet you can't wait until Day Five.

I hate having to think so much. If I'm too succeed, I have to utilize my brain cells, which are not firing too well. They are very sad without their sugar boost. They want to help me but they are little grey balls of doom and gloom. I'm really struggling with breaking the habits of my sugar consumption. I've found myself pacing today. I dread the evening. Maybe I should go to bed at 6 PM.

The client texted me today. She kept it simple: "Conclusion--Day Four is the worst." I can't imagine. At least I get to chew solid food things. I texted her back some positive affirmations. I'm sure she's thinking things other than thank you.

Ten more days. That's a lot of fodder for blogging. Thank goodness this effort ends on December 19th. I'm not sure I could hold up my end of the bargain had it been during Christmas Eve and Christmas. I'll do a lot for my clients but there is only so far I'm willing to go. I'll see in person on Day Eight (if my calculations are correct). We should both be a hot mess by then.

Ten more Days. I admit I am powerless. My sugar is unmanageable. My advent calendar is the work of the devil.

One sugar-free day at a time, Sweet Jesus.  Ten more-one-day-more sugar free day at a time.
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