Of Mice and Muggles

I had to stay far, far away from blogging and other modes of communication for the past few weeks as, due to safety reasons, I was not to speak of my upcoming trip to "Harry Potter World" until after the trip was completed. My mother taught me well: do not let the robbers know you're not home. The wife also taught me well: "I'm going to be home when you're not, so don't announce to the robbers that you're not home because they will come get ME."

It was really, really hard not to talk or post about it. After all, I was going to hang out with Harry Potter! I was going to be at Hogwarts! I'd be wandering the cobblestone streets of Diagon Alley! The wand was going to pick ME!

Now that I'm back, my code of silence is broken. And, I am here to tell you that Harry is a whole lot of fun!

For those of you not in the know, Harry hangs out at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. Official referred to as the "Wizarding World of Harry Potter," it's not a bad place to be when you're from the Midwest, especially during the winter months.

For those of you thinking about that first paragraph.....
YOU: "Wait a minute, the wife wasn't with you?"
ME: "Nope."
YOU: "What? Why not?"
ME: "Because she has never read a HP book or watched an entire HP movie in her life. That's why."
YOU: [stare at me]
ME: "That's how I roll."

As you know, I am a much, much bigger nerd than she is. I am all about science fiction, fantasy, cartoons, cosplay. She is about screaming housewives and "famous" people whose last name starts with "K." It's probably best she stayed home. It's hard to hang with the nerds when you are outnumbered.

I've wanted to go to "Harry Potter World" (my nick name for the two sections at Universal, henceforth referred to as HPW) ever since learning about the opportunity. I've wanted to fly in a quiddich game, drink butter beer, taste an actual chocolate frog and be sorted by the sorting hat. I've dreamed of seeing Hogwarts, wandering down Diagon Alley and riding the train from Station 9 and 3/4 with abandon. I enjoyed the movies and loved the books. What more could a muggle ask than the opportunity to cast a spell with a bunch of cosplaying nerds?

Two friends (henceforth to be referred to as Thing #1 and Thing #2) and I planned the trip many a month ago. We invited a bunch of people to join us but we three muggles were the only takers (along with thin #1's daughter and friend). Thanks to Thing #1's research, we scored reservations for one of the "slowest" (lowest attendance) weeks of the year. We made reservations to stay on the grounds so we wouldn't need a car and so we could get one hour early entry to the parks. We decided to live large and thus purchased unlimited Express Passes and park hoppers.

The two 19-year old girls who joined the fun definitely did not know what they were getting themselves into when the decided to come along for the ride. I think they are scarred for life. Hanging out with such energetic, nerdy, unreserved 53, 55 and 57 year old women can be traumatic. I daresay they could barely keep up. More money is needed for their therapy funds.


I am not exactly known for my love of roller coasters but one must do what one must do when it comes to Harry Potter. I decided I would suck it up, take Dramamine and go on as many rides as I could. I purchased a thingy to keep my glasses on my head and made sure to wear shoes that were comfortable AND that would stay on my feet. I bought a new rain coat, as it was forecast to rain. I stuffed everything into a book bag-sized back pack and hit the road with Thing #1 and Thing #2.

Before I profess my love for HPW, I think it's important to note that Universal is NOT Disney. You must embrace this fact before stepping foot into the park. Although both are based on fantasy, they are quite different in many aspects. To be honest, you can't really compare the two--it's like comparing mice to muggles. They are two completely different beasts. Both are very special places, but they are not the same.

Disney: attractions, mystique, time-honored happiness.
Universal: experiences, behind-the-scenes-Hollywood and current day heroes.

Disney: adult soft pop, with a kid's sound track thrown in.
Universal: rock, cranked up for good measure.
Disney: mouse ears.
Universal: wizard robes and house colors.

Disney: a big hidden Mickey, wondrous and inviting.
Universal: a big wand-interactive treasure hunt, challenging and familiar.

Disney: huge, sprawling--massive in scale.
Universal: small, compact, condensed, verging on claustrophobic at times.
Disney cast members: happy, calm, never-ending smiles--the Stepford Wives for mice.
Universal cast members: "normal" amusement park folk--nice enough, dressed in theme, lacking that Disney trance. (Hey Universal--I'm all good with that. It makes sense. Please don't change this.)

Of course, the two parks have similarities. Everything costs a fortune. They both sell rain ponchos (thank god). They strive for customer satisfaction. They reward those who purchase park hoppers, fast track/express passes, tacky souvenirs. They have crowds. They provide "free" transportation to those who stay on site. They have kid/family-friendly attractions as well as adult-sized opportunities. They provide an experience.

As for HPW, it was wondrous. Dare I say magical? When I walked through the entry way of Hogsmeade, my mouth literally dropped open. I stood there, looking fully the geeky HPW tourist that I was. To enter the area was to enter the books and movies.  The details were incredible, true to the books. I'm sure J.K. was proud. Riding the Hogswart's Express was just like being a "first year" with Ron, Hermoine and Harry.  Gringotts couldn't have been more true to the movie. I was stunned by the fabulousness of the whole thing.

If you are looking for roller coasters, HPW will let you down. There is one major ride in Diagon Alley (Escape from Gringotts) and two major rides in Hogsmeade (Forbidden Journey, Dualing Dragons). If you are look for experiences that let you live in the world of wizards, you have come to the right place. I suppose people have puked on the rides but I didn't find them to be terrifying or disorienting in any capacity. Perhaps it's because they scare the shit out of you when you are waiting in line. I was sure my clothes were going to fly out and that my glasses would be sucked off my face. It was nothing like that.

A liking of 3-D attactions is a definite must. If you're not willing to wear 3-D glasses, you might as well stay home. If 3-D movies make you nauseous, this might not be your cup of tea. Most of the attractions are 3-D in nature. Remember: this is a movie studio making rides. It's a visual feast. Wear the damn glasses over your glasses and keep your eyes open.

Try the butter beer. It is surprisingly good. I was prepared to hate it. I loved it. You can get it cold, hot or even frozen like a slushy. It's like drinking pure sugar, so be warned. I have no idea if it has gluten in it. I pretended that it does not as I didn't want to waste time trying to find out.

I'm here to tell you: if you are going to ride all the rides in the two parks, pay for the UNLIMITED EXPRESS PASS. It's worth the cost. Although you can't use it for the three HP attractions, you can use it everywhere else in the park. We never waited longer than 15 minutes in any line when using that pass. If you are going to go to both parks, get a park hopper, lest you don't ride the train between parks.

Ride as single riders. Who cares if you are riding with your friends the second time around? If you get in the "single riders" line, it cuts the waiting time down to almost nothing, including on the two HP rides. (Dang, now you'll all be doing this and the wait times will get longer.)

Watch the kids wave their interactive wands. Really--why buy a wand when you can watch others do the work for you for no cost to you? Yes, the interactive opportunities are really fun but I say save the money to buy more butter beer.

Wear your house colors proudly. It doesn't matter what house you belong--wear your red, yellow, blue or green with abandon. Don't own anything? Bring your charge card and splurge. Want to wear a wizarding robe from your house? Trust me, you can buy one. You can buy socks, scarves, hats, robes, shirts, blah blah blah. I chose to wear Slytherin colors, which led to many a fun conversation or two with park employees.

Listen for the dragon on top of Gringotts to make noise...then, look up! He makes a ruckus before he spews fire.

Don't bother looking for Luna or Snape. Never saw or heard them. Sigh.

Don't listen for Hermoine's voice. It's not a very convincing voice-over used to say her lines. Ugh. At least Ron and Harry sound true to life.

Find Nockturn Alley. Movie fans will find it quite...delightful. You have to look for it.

At least watch the first movie or read the first book before you go. The parks won't be as exciting to you if you don't know what's going on. The references on the train ride won't make sense. The gremlins in Gringotts won't be as spectacular. Tasting Bernie Bott's beans (without looking) won't be as terrifying.

If you don't like or understand Harry Potter, you can still enjoy the parks....but, what's the point? Be a nerd and join the fun. Be a wizard. Fly a broom. Eat an earthworm bean. Pray for light rain so the parks are emptier than not.

Did I mention you should drink the Butter Beer?