Of Graduates and Educators

Dear Graduate,
Congratulations on your accomplishment. I'd like to share a few words of wisdom now that you've secured that degree. I know no gradate wants to hear what the elders have to say. Perhaps that's why I'm putting this forth electronically--I've got a lot bigger chance you'll read something on an electronic device than I do of you listening to me in person. Don't worry--I'll put photos and memes and snippets in this entry. I'm not so old that I don't recognize that today's youth has been brought up on visual snippets and sound bites. This is not a condemnation of your way of being; after all, it's the elders that created this way of being...besides: Who do you think invented M-TV? 

We did. We brought you the computer, the cell phone, 24-hour sports channels, sports drinks and the microwave. There was no Google before us. 

Respect Us. Without your elders, you'd still be watching antenna TV, making popcorn on the stove and looking for the encyclopedia. The only cutting and pasting going on had to do with a pair of scissors and some paste out of a container. I know you find this hard to believe this, as there are days the professor wrestled with the room's technology and you sat there rolling your eyes. Respect, graduate. Respect. Those teachers paved the way to you have an easier time at work.

Dear Educator,

It's summer vacation. Need I say anything else? I think not.

Dear Graduate, 

There is no syllabus in life. You have to make your own plan. Good luck with that.

Dear Educator,

You won't have to talk about the syllabus or lesson plan for at least 12 weeks. Be brave. They never read the syllabus, anyway. 

Dear Graduate,

Look up. My fear for your generation is that you are all going to have permanent neck damage from always looking down at electronic devices. I also fear you are missing the beauty of a friend's soul because you are looking down instead of into anyone's eyes. I was struck by this while on your campus a few weeks ago. All the students walking down the sidewalk between buildings were looking down at their phone while walking. No one said hi. Heck, no one even saw each other. They walked with the "I'm reading my phone" gait. I could have been a naked psycho mass murdered and no one would have noticed. 

What on earth can be so important that you can't walk without looking down? I love a good text or email or message or status update as much as the next person and I have a hard time ignoring my electronic devices, too but there is so much "stuff" around that we are all missing because we didn't want to miss that last tweet.

So, graduate: Look up. Look up at the sky. Look at the way the sunlight makes shadows on the building. Look up at dinner and see who's enjoying the meal with you. Force yourself to talk to each other when in person. Take a stand and refuse to support the demise of looking up.

Besides, your boss--just like your teacher--knows you are texting. Your date knows you are texting. Everyone knows you are texting. No one looks at his/her crotch so much without reason. You're reading your phone, which is in your lap. You think you are a ninja but you are not. 

Dear Educator,Look up and look out. That text-walking is for the young. Look up so you don't get hit by a car, walk into a wall or fall down a curb while texting. You're too pooped to pop. Texting and walking is going to be too exhausting, anyway. By the way, did I mention it's time for Summer Vacation?

Dear Graduate,
Your head and your cell phone are full of stuff but that's not what counts in life. I hate to tell you but all that stuff in there won't matter to you when you are a quarter century older. Cell phone photos won't matter if you didn't take time to enjoy and live the moment the photo was taken. I know you scoff at me. The big special events, the vacations, the epic college parties are easier than not to remember (well, not the epic college parties but you get my drift). Make sure you etch into your brain a few of those "little moments" of which there are no photos and of which did not make the status update. Make room to remember that 3 A.M. conversation with a friend, that time you found a piece of pizza under your bed and ate it, that snowball that found its target. Selfies and tweets do not make a memory.

Dear Almost-retirement-age Educator,
You understand this. You are my people. You know what one of my favorite childhood memories is? Playing "against the wall" baseball (with the awesome and infamous pinkie ball) in the summer. I can still see the chalk strike zone drawn on the red brick school wall, that ever-famous pinkie ball, the really bad wind-up that I thought was perfect, pretending to be Don Kessinger while pitching (even though he was a short stop). I can hear me and Artie arguing if the pitch had been a ball or a strike. (There's a lot of arguing during "against the wall.") This memory has no bearing on my life today except that it makes me smile and if I'm not smiling, what's the point? I encourage you to make sure you burned those memories into your brain a long time ago. After all, your brain is probably on the edge of blowing up by now.You might want to close a few of those open tabs.

Dear Graduate,
If it's potentially fun and you want to do it/try it/taste it/be it/wear it and it's legal, you are free to say "yes." Well, as long as it's not during a job interview. Saying "yes" on a whim is not suggested for job interviews, work hours or while living in your parents' home after graduating. 

Dear Educator,
Say yes to eating carbohydrates, especially when said carbohydrates come to you in forms of cookies and pizza. What is wrong with you? You're on vacation! There may be a bus out there with your name on it. Eat the damn cookie. Well, eat the damn cookie as long as you know from whence it came. No offense to students, but there are cookies you probably shouldn't eat. If it's debatable, go out and get ice cream. Did I mention it's summer vacation? You're closer to the beginning of your vacation than to the end of vacation. 

Dear Graduate,
 If it detrimental to your goals and dreams, you may have to say "no." You say no to driving while drunk and to texting while driving because it keeps you alive so you can reach your goals (well, and so you are on compliance with the law), so why not say "no" to things of which prohibit your growth? Of course, there are exceptions to this....it is frowned upon to saying "no" to paying a stipend when living with your parents after graduation or saying "no" when asked to do a job-related task during that entry-level job. Put that degree to work.

It will behoove you to learn when to say "yes" and when to say "no." There is no other way to learn who you are. Words of wisdom when learning when to say yes or no:

Don't be a dick.

Dear Educator,
It's summer vacation. You can say "no" to whatever you damn well please.

The students have graduated or moved on or moved back or stayed right where they were. It's time to eat cookies, plant a garden, catch up on some sleep. I know you are thinking about next year but you need to say "no." Be refreshed. 

For heaven's sake, say "no" to anyone who tries to remind you that July 4th is approaching. You know it's the half way point of your vacation and it's totally inappropriate for anyone to remind you of this. If anyone has the audacity to do this to you, say "no." Don't share your cookies, crayons or cell phone with them. Poke out their eyes. Sign anything you give them in red pen. Correct their grammar in public. Point out that they are staring at their crotches. Put those back to school ads right where they belong......

To graduates and Educators: Happy Summer. Best of luck to the both of you.