Counting tattoos

Don't you thinking "Counting Tattoos" would be a great name for a band?

I wasn't going to write about tattoos--I was going to write about gardening and weeding and our dead tree--but once the concept of a "Counting Tattoos" band name spontaneously fell out of my brain, I had to go with it. One does not ignore the muse.

This could be genius.

Tattooed God: Dude, are you ready for the Counting Tattoos concert?

Tattooed Goddess: Yeah, I hear their set list is gonna include "Wearing My Heart on my Tattooed Sleeve," "Permanently Impermanent," "Blurred (Ink) Lines," "Check Your Spelling," "Removing You is More Painful than Putting You On," "I'll Never Cover You Up," and "You Should Have Put Some Ink on It."

Tattooed God: "I hope they sing their anthem, "Tattooed Grandpa's Gonna Kick Your Ass."

Last week, someone asked me how many tattoos I have. I opened my mouth to answer but then realized I didn't know how to answer. I mean, I have areas of tattoos but not exactly single tattoos...and, how does one count cover ups tattoos? It's like trying to count someone's tattoo sleeve--is it one tattoo or a bunch of tattoos made into a gestalt? Seems like cover ups should count as two tattoos even though you can only see one. I have one on each leg plus one on each arm, two on my chest and....well, a blob on my back. So, that's 2 + 2 + 2 + 1 = 7 tattoos. But, there are four cover ups, so that's technically 7 + 4 =11 tattoos. Since that didn't seem to reflect the number of tattoos I technically have, I went on a mission to secure an answer....

I decided I would count visits to tattoo parlors. 

Even that isn't fool proof, as some people can't get a tattoo completed in a single sitting or have to go back to get a new tattoo touched up. I just went back to get my new blue bird touched up. He (why I think it is a he, I do not know, especially since it is in honor of our female dog) needed a second visit....so, that's one tattoo which would be counted twice in my new approach.

Lucky you--I'm going to count. Indulge me on a trip down tattoo memory lane. While you're reading, you can think of some more hits for my newly created band, Counting Tattoos. (I see them as a rock band but they can have a little country flavor, if that helps. Lots of tattoos, of course).

Counting Tattoos: The start of an era. I got my first tattoo while at an art therapy convention in Denver. (Those art therapist are a wild bunch.) An interesting start to a lifetime of ink addiction. Five

art therapists in a car, driving down a street. As we passed a tattoo parlor, I happened to mutter, "I've always wanted a tattoo." A quick U-turn by the driver and four art therapists in tow, I got that first tattoo. I have no idea what the names of the shop or the tattoo artist. All I know is that no alcohol was involved, that we were in Denver and that it was near a Moroccan restaurant. It was (I say "was" because this little guy got covered up in honor of my 50th birthday) a little cartoon dog with my nickname over the top of the dog--Ziggy's dog, to be exact. (Okay, raise your hand if you know who Ziggy is.) We're talking the size of a nickel, a cartoon outline with no color, on the left upper side of my chest. No reason. I didn't have a plan. I didn't have a pre-conceived notion of what I might actually tattoo on my bod.

Twenty years later, that poor thing was a little blob of a blur. You couldn't even tell the thing had letters in it. It had to go.

Parlor Visits Number Two and Three: What's a little more ink?  I enjoyed that little Ziggy Dog, so I thought I'd add Mickey Mouse on my right ankle (I do love all things Disney) and a little cartoon of my own creating on my left shoulder. At least Mickey, done by the owner at JG's, was big enough not to turn into a blob. That self-made cartoon turned into a mystery blob within five years. Some guy named "Blue Sky" did the little Addi cartoon. That shoulda been a clue. Do you really want somebody named "Blue Sky" making permanent marks on your body? No, no you do not.'

Once, a lady at Walmart professed her love for my rose tattoo on my shoulder. Um, I don't have a rose tattoo. See? I told you that shoulder Addi cartoon turned into an unrecognizable blob.

Four: When in Denver While on a trip out west to a rustic resort with O'Del and Y, we passed through Denver. I decided my new mantra should be, "When in Denver, get a tattoo." I got a little red heart with a flame on the top of my right wrist. Why the top and not the inside, I do not know. I actually had thought about this design for a few minutes.

It was little and my body rejected the red ink, so it got ugly fast. (Yes, ink is sometime rejected. I won't describe what the healing process looked like. It was disgusting.)

Saving me from myself. Parlor Trip #5 was back to JG's to have a cover up of the rejected heart with flames. I got a purple heart with wings to cover up the ugly red heart with flames. That didn't work as well as I had anticipated, so visit #6 was to cover up the cover up. (See? That's three tattoos but you can only see one. Counting Tattoos is a complicated sport.) Since the heart with wings was in an unusual spot and larger than I wished it were (for cover up purposes) and since you usually have to go "darker," I ended up agreeing to a dead-bird-batman-raven-crab tribal-ish design....from none other than....Blue Sky. No, I did not learn my lesson. Because that design was dark, I had to go back to finish it, which is technically visit #7.

This remains my ugliest tattoo. When I asked a tattoo artist about "fixing" it last year, he looked at it, looked at me and said, "Wear a watch."

If I had to pick one tattoo that I regret, it would be this one. That said, I can't regret it as it has various meanings and importance of an era in my life. It is what it is. Besides, it is a conversation piece. Thank god it's not barbed wire. The era was of tribal tattoos and barbed wire. I'll take a dead bird-batman-crab over that any day.

Two Mickey Mice are better than one. Parlor visit #8 was to get a new Mickey Mouse tattoo--this time in honor of my 35th birthday. I was back at JG's and had some young lady ink me proud. She was very talented and Mickey has stood the test of time. If only I knew her name....and, where she went. I guess she was a drama queen and they kicked her out. Too bad. She did some nice work. I'll take a drama queen as long as there is talent.

No. Names. Ever. I have a few non-negotiable rules about tattoos on my body--no names is probably biggest rule (well, that and no tattoos on the face). Still, I wanted to honor the wife with a tattoo...so, for visit nine I went to a place called Delicious Ink and had Tigger (playing the drums) and Piglet (tapping his/her foot) along with the beat. The owner wasn't there but some guy with long blonde hair was and he promised he wasn't a "scratcher." (Word to the wise: ask to see the artist's portfolio.) I love that tattoo (although it needs some refreshing). For the record, the wife is Piglet. Not that you didn't already know that.

It's nice that Tattoo Visit #9 was Piglet as that is the wife's favorite number. I wish I could say it was planned but it was not.

Pain is your friend. Parlor visit #10 was by far the most painful. The LLL and I went to a place in Lake Geneva and I secured a cartoon of Mickey, Goofy and Spongebob, in honor of my nieces, by some guy named "Chicago Bob." It was placed in the just below the center of my shoulder blades and it hurt. It hurt a lot. Three hours of this guy gorging my skin and it hurt. The other tattoos really didn't hurt. I couldn't see what was going on back there but I can tell you it hurt a lot.  I learned later that this guy basically tattooed my back bone. Heck, he might have tattooed the inside of my front rib cage. This tattoo unfortunately scarred. Today, the thing looks like a brand more than a tattoo. At least I know it's permanent.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2006/01/crusty-tattoos-and-more-dog-poop-new.html

The Best Birthday Presents are permanent.  MJagger gave me a gift certificate for a tattoo to a place called Sacred Art, so I felt it imperative to get this birthday present ASAP. I met some guy named Ivan. He was very quiet and super nice, but I don't think I was supposed to know that. His look suggested everyone should stay the f*ck away. I saw through that veneer. During my 11th trip, he did what I call my "coloring book outline" of cartoons relating to my mom, dad and sister. I liked it so much that I went back for visit #12 to get the remainder of my back "piece" (more like piecemeal) done--Ivan added a few more cartoons as part of the project.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2007/07/dont-mess-with-rules.html

I don't think people get it that the cartoons weren't colored in as my attempt to make it look like a coloring book not yet finished. I thought it genius. Still do. It makes sense to me:

My family always has my back and I'm always a work in progress. Bet you didn't think I had a plan, but I did and still do.

Thank you, Baby Jesus of the St. Louis arch. After the wife scared the bejesus out of all of us during the great hysterectomy scare of 2008, I got the word "Gratitude" tattooed under my Ziggy dog. The wife and I were in St. Louis for a vacation. The wife laid down to take a nap...and, I went out to get the tattoo--Lucky #13. I don't know the guy's name but I do remember he had been a psychology major and that he had a family and that he was super nice. That tattoo means the world to me. And, how many people can wake up and find out a tattoo was done in their honor as they took a nap?

Oooooommmmm. The LLL again inspired me to get a tattoo, so during parlor visit #14, I was joined by LLL sister Einsteina Vagina in Galena. I had the word "namaste" tattooed on the inside of my left wrist. This was supposed to remind me that when becoming dysregulated, the good in me could see the good in you. Great idea. Now, if I'd only remember to use the concept.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2010/11/grat.html
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2009/10/report-from-love-loft-nifty-fifty.html

Visit #15: Happy 50th. To honor this most blessed event, I decided to use a nautical star to cover the Ziggy dog (there is an entire blog dedicated to this event), as done by some guy at European Tattoo in Rockford. He was very nice and at least half my age. I think he might have been high, as I doubt his eyes were red from crying with happiness. He did an excellent job and lined the star up perfectly with the word Gratitude, so he won big points, high or not.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2012/06/star-is-born.html

Visit #16: My absolute favorite tattoo--the tufted titmouse by Billy Raike at Roselle Tattoo. This is truly a work of art. If you look at nothing else, look at this link to see the tattoo. It's a testament to what can be done with a tattoo. It remains incredibly beautiful.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2013/01/tough-tufted-tat.html

Visit #17: I Love Lucy--a very meaningful tribute to Lucy, Bark of Poteidaia, completed by Hannah Steele.
http://addiwp.blogspot.com/2015/01/of-moldy-cheese-and-scabby-ink.html


Visit #18: Touch up of the Blue Bird and the addition of Tina Belcher, the cover up of the shoulder blob, by Hannah Steele. Hell, something had to cover that mess of a blob on my left shoulder--might as well be my spirit animal, Tina.

Tina Belcher, to be exact. 

If you don't know who Tina Belcher is, get on it. Google her, Pin her, Netflix "Bob's Burgers." Every time I look at that tattoo, I laugh. That says it all. I laugh! We all need a good laugh now and then. How awesome is it that I can laugh at myself?  Tina is my 7th grade twin. How could I say no to a tattoo of my twin?

And no, we won't share our sweet barrettes with you.

I figure I'll stop once I get to visit #20. That gives me time to get Tigger and Piglet spruced up and save one last tat for Freckles Warrior Princess or some other major life event.

I'm lying. I can't promise you anything. Tattoos are like potato chips. You can't have just one. I promised the wife I wouldn't get a tattoo sleeve and I've stayed true to that promise.....that's all I can promise.

If you're looking for us, Tina and I will be on the road with Counting Tattoos. We'll be promoting this week's mega-hit, "I Love Your Tattoos but I Sure Hate You," as well as the classics "Sugar Skull Shuffle" and "Scabby Ink Grrrrrl Blues."