Red light, Green Light

I'm flashing back to my childhood here...must've been inspired by the whole AV Club thing...

Do you remember the game "Red light, Green Light?" It was a lot safer than Red Rover and was a favorite, right up there with "Steal the Bacon" and "Spud." Some lucky kid would stand near one end of the gym while the rest of lined up at the far end of the gym. The lucky kid (after all, whoever has control of the game has the best gig in the gym) would yell "Green light!" and we'd all start running toward the far end of the gym. When lucky kid yelled "Red Light!" we all had to come screeching to a halt. If said lucky kid saw any of us moving upon twirling around, we had to go back to the starting line.

As I face a few "non-problem problems," I feel like I'm playing a game of "Red light, Green Light."

(I'm sure people with REAL problems are disgusted by my fretting over "problems." These are not real problems. These are Addiverse problems of which are of no consequence to the Universe at large. Indulge me, won't you? What's a little whining on a rainy Monday morning?)

Take, for instance, our beloved Green Ash tree. We planted that thing 20 years ago, only a stick of a thing, free from our cousins. It now towers over the house, keeps the south side of the house shaded and is perfect for a sit under its canopy on a warm summer night. I love that thing. We've suspected this favorite tree has had a case of the Green Ash Borer for a few years but had not seen many overt signs....until now. The bark is tattered and the borer-made holes (and, those made by the woodpeckers seeking a tasty borer) are burrowed deep into the trunk. The photo to the right does not even come close to illustrating the issue with the tree--I took this from the ground with my phone's camera. The tree still looks great, considering. Although it seems to be raining bark, it's blooming as I type....

...so, green light--we cut it down now now? Or, red light--stop and leave it alone for another season?

It's six of one, half dozen of another. It's not going to get any better; in fact, it's just gonna get worse. One more summer would be lovely. The woodpeckers would have a feast. The other trees in the neighborhood already look worse than ours, so it's not like we're infecting anything further....

....but, waiting is just postponing the inevitable.

The wife seems to be the lucky kid in the middle and I think she just yelled "Green light!" After all, the wife had a tree guy come out on Saturday and that sounds pretty "green light" to me. Her tree light has been green for several years. The tree guy agrees we have the borer and gave us an estimate to take Mr. Ash down. (Can I just say it takes a whole lotta cash to take down a tree?) Green light it is.

Then, there is heart worm medication for the dog. Freckles is walking the fine line between "I've got a few more years" and "I'll be lucky to get a few more weeks." Heart worm meds are really expensive so I'm giving this some thought. She's never missed her monthly dose...yet, heart worm at this stage of the game wouldn't be like heart worm at age one or two. The meds come in one year packs....she could use one and then leave me with eleven unused ones or she may need yet another pack next year. It's not like she spends a lot of time outside--but, I suppose a mosquito could bite her in the butt as she's taking a poop. Oh, these earth-shattering decisions I must make! The light remains yellow. I've got another week to think about it.....where's that lucky kid when I need him/her?

For the record, I'm having the same issue with dog food. I usually order by the case via the Internet--great prices, comes to the door via Brown. We used the can last week, so I ran to the store and bought a few cans....for almost twice the price. That's because I'm still feeding Freckles the expensive canned stuff, of which is not available at grocery stores. At this stage of the game, I should probably start feeding her the "parts is parts" kind of food. So, do I keep buying can by can or by the bulk? I'm sensing a red light to the "by the case" mentality. I'm also sensing a "red light to the better ingredients than what the wife and I eat for dinner" canned food. Let's here it for hooves and claws, straight from China!

I'm not sure how I sleep at night with all these decisions of which weigh over me. Who has time to think about campaign reform, third world country atrocities when there is such horror to consider?

Then, there is the question of tampons. I'm praying to the Goddess of Menstruation that my ovaries will slowly and gently come to rest and stop shooting out eggs. I usually buy tampons by the gross, in all sorts of "flavors;" it's a great way to save money and cut down on trips to the store. But now, I don't want to buy a whole bunch; after all, doesn't that give my uterus the wrong idea? Oh sure, tampons are easy to give away but I want to keep my body apprised of my intention of not needing to buy enough that I have to give them away. I think I see a "green light go buy a pile o' tampons."

I'd whine more about other things but I think I've whined much more than enough. The light is RED. It's telling me to stop. Stop it! STOP IT!

If you'd like to be that lucky kid in the middle for awhile in the Addiverse, let me know. I daresay there is room for a game or two around here. Your payment, besides the glory, will most likely be tampons and dog food.

You have been warned.