Ode to the Gods of AV

 
This blog is inspired by today's twenty-something-year olds, as seen from a fifty-something-year old's eyes. Respect your elders, youngsters. (Such youngsters probably think the thing to the left is some weird logo for a fast food restaurant, band or cult.)

It is also inspired by the installation of a Smart TV/Smart board at work on Friday. I cannot wait to get my hands on that thing. I've struggled to stay sane during the era of the white board, knowing that such delicious technology existed but was not within my reach. Today is the day I finally get to use the smart TV. I feel smarter already.

Because this blog will deal with the bygone era of my beloved "technology," I will include many a photo. If you are my age, you will have a smile as you read. If you are young, you are going to wonder what this stuff is and will question how ancient I really am. Let's see how really old YOU are.

As the trainer at work, not only do I have to talk a lot--I have to deal with technology now and then. When I say technology, I mean simple things like lap tops, TVs, VCRs (yes, we still have a VCR--this is a budget production) and DVDs. Last week, I needed to show a DVD as part of first aid training. Prior to last week, I'd just used my lap top to show the DVD, so I didn't have to worry about finding, setting up and using the actual DVD machine.

On this particular day, I made a last minute decision to show the DVD on the "TV on a cart" set up. I asked the three trainees to give me a second while I went and hunted down the TV on a cart. After a short search, I rolled the thing into my office and got ready to show the DVD. Problem is, the person who last used this was either drunk, stupid or stupid drunk. All the chords were jumbled together, things were in the "wrong" places and nothing was plugged in the way they needed to plug in. (Note to self: Planning ahead is a good idea.) There was a VCR/DVD player component, a blue ray component, a TV, a stereo sound "system" with separate speakers and some extra cords...and, two remotes of which were not for the TV. Nothing was fully plugged into the TV--cords were dangling here and there, all tangled and unusable in the current state. I'm not sure which component was most recently used, but neither of them could be used in the way they were currently "set up."  I asked the trainees for their patience as I untangled the chords and moved components here and there on the cart. I unplugged, untangled, tangled, plugged.

While doing this (and getting covered by dust, as no one had EVER cleaned this cart thing and I know I purchased the stereo in 2005, so that was like 10 years of dust), I laughed and said aloud,

"I feel like I'm in the AV club in grade school." 

I looked up at the three 20-something year olds. They had blank stares, aimed at me and my cart. I stopped fiddling with the cords and asked,

"You don't know what the AV club was, do you?"

All three shook their heads "no." I think they looked a wee bit scared. I stepped out from behind the TV and stand and inquired, "So, you didn't have an AV club at school?" Their still-blank faces suggested not.

Because I didn't think before saying anything further, I didn't shut up. Instead of just worrying about the cords and getting the first aid DVD running, I added,

"I always wanted to be in the AV club, but only boys were in the AV club when I was in grade school." Now they didn't just look scared, I'm pretty sure the WERE scared. Adding insult to my self-inflicted injury, I questioned them:

"So, you never got to watch a movie in school on a movie projector--you know, the kind with the movies on reels?"

I might as well have been speaking a different language...because I WAS speaking a different language.

It was at this precise moment that I realized I was really, really old.

As their wise elder, and as old people tend to do, I decided it was my moral obligation to educate them on technology of old and how I had been in awe of the nerds in the AV Club. First aid could wait.

"Boy, did I want to be an AV nerd. They got to roll in the projector and set up the movies and fix things when the movie reel would suddenly spit out the movie film. Oh, to have been a nerd in the AV club!"

I started working on the cords as I spoke. "Man, were we happy when the AV nerd rolled in the filmstrip projector or the movie projector. There was nothing like that." It dawned on me that NO ONE under the age of 45 probably knew what a film strip was. I didn't even bother asking.

(Side note: Can I just say that I remember those filmstrips as if I saw one yesterday? I can still hear the "ding" alerting the teacher to advance the slide. The best film strip we ever watched was in fifth grade, when they showed the girls in my class the film strip warning us that we were going to get this mystery thing called menstruation. That was a doozy!)

I finally had all the cords and components in order. I was stymied for a moment when trying to figure out why there was no TV remote and what the two remotes in hand were actually "tied" to. I stepped in front of the TV to turn it on manually but there were no buttons on the front. One of the three must have taken pity on me because he stood up and pushed a button on the side of the TV.

Wa-la! The TV turned on. Boy, that master's degree sure wasn't helping me today, eh?

I manually turned on the DVD player and shoved in the DVD. I accidentally figured out that one of the remotes was for the DVD/VCR player, so I used that to get things going. Nothing but a blank blue screen stared out from the TV. I tilted my head to one side, considering how without a remote, I didn't know how to change the channels so I could pick the correct channel for showing the DVD. One of the three threw me a bone, noting that the TV needed to be on such-and-such a setting. I wanted to say, "Duh! I know that!" but realized that this information still didn't help me with the problem. Putting my master's degree to work, I figured that if the power button was on the side of the TV, the "channel changer buttons" were probably on the side of the TV, too. Yes! I changed the channel and was super-relieved to see the already-running first aid DVD pop up on the screen.

As the DVD rolled through the "warnings," I asked if anyone had ever smelled a warm ditto, fresh off the ditto machine (or, mimeograph, I suppose). Man, they probably thought I had snorted one too many dittos in my day. I couldn't help it. I was on an AV roll. I explained how the teacher would make the copies using this machine and the purple-blue inked wonders were warm when "hot off the press" and how they had their own distinct smell.

They did not look impressed. Actually, by this point, I'm not sure they were even conscious. They were probably deliriously happy when I shut up and showed the actual first aid DVD. It might be the first time I've ever taught first aid where the students were actually excited to get going on the lesson. I mean, who gets excited about learning first aid in a work training?

I was relieved to find out that they were familiar with an overhead projector. At least they knew of something from my school years. I didn't bother to ask if they had ever used a card catalog.

....I wasn't dumb enough to ask if they had ever used a tape recorder, heard of an eight track or knew life before the VCR player.

.....I didn't mention that the microwave didn't show up until I was in high school and that there was no such thing as a cell phone.

......I daresay I didn't confess to knowing life before MTV or that I used a MANUAL typewriter to learn what they now call keyboarding.

....I didn't note that I didn't use a computer until after college and that the Internet was nowhere to be found until I was well into adulthood.

I sighed and let them watch the DVD in peace. As they watched, I gave a silent nod to the AV nerds of old. I thought of the movie reels, the chime of the filmstrip, the first time I used a microwave. I thought about how I lugged around an electric typewriter in college and how it really sucked when the ribbon ran out. I thought about how we'd listen to the radio and tape songs we liked using an external tape recorder/player.

As the DVD rolled, I gave a nod to the technology of old and a fist pump to the Tech Support of today's world. The IT guy at work is the AV guy of yester-year.

.....maybe the filmstrip will make a come-back. If that happens, I am so ready. Maybe I can show film strips on the new Smart TV/Smart board.....

Genius!