Snow-body

There is a Dar Williams' song that is named after a certain month of which we are now in.  The story is about the slow death of a couple's love, so that kind of puts a damper on me mentioning the song in this blog. The reason I bring up this deliciously-sad song is that it talks about how it keeps snowing....and snowing....just like here in the great Midwest:

".....and then the snow, and then the snow came,
             we were always out shoveling and we dropped to sleep exhausted,
                    then, we'd wake up, and it's snowing."

I don't need the Weather Channel or even to look out the window to know if it snowed over night. I have the wife. I sense the soft glow of the iPad, open an eye and wait.....

....if it has snowed over night, a guttural, injured-animal sound emanates from the wife. This is my cue to put my boots on and go shovel. Again.

.....if it hasn't snowed over night, a growl of disgust rolls across the room, meaning it hasn't snowed yet but it is coming.

.....if I don't hear anything, I know it hasn't snowed and that it's not predicted it is going to snow in the next 72 hours and that she is reading the Milwaukee paper (I know--we don't live in Milwaukee), which means she will soon be talking about "another co-sleeping death" in Milwaukee.

I kid you not.

The poor wife. She hates winter and she hates snow. She says it's "messy," which I suppose it is, especially if you are trying to keep your car exterior clean (impossible), the car interior clean (semi-impossible), the driveway clean (super impossible), the floors clean (teeters on semi-impossible), the dogs clean (completely impossible since their bellies touch the snow when they are outside, even though we did a trench for them). She disdains over the disgusting grey snow on the side of the road. That's certainly messy-looking.

I asked her why we live here, considering how much she hates winter. As the words are falling from my mouth, I remember that she is no fan of summer heat. We'd need to live in San Diego where the temperature is 72 degrees all year round. I think she could handle 72 and sunny. She says she doesn't hate summer. I reminded her how much she hates hot weather. She denied this, reiterating that she doesn't hate hot weather.....

I need to point out this post to her in late August, when she is melting on the sidewalk, cursing how hot it is.

For the record, her answer why we live here is because of family. I concur.

I swear, every time I check the weather, the weatherman says we are going to get "1-3 inches" of snow.  Just about the time the driveway is clean and dry and ice free (which it now always is, thanks to my tailbone), it snows 1-3 inches. That's not much, it's not worthy of a snow blower and it's very easy to shovel but it's still 1-3 inches more than we already had and that needs to be shoveled again. We've decided to view shoveling as our aerobic activity. We'd prefer to go snow shoeing but that has yet to happen, thanks to my tailbone and the painfully frigid temps.  There's still time because I don't think we're gonna run out of snow anytime soon.

I don't remember a winter where there was perpetual snow on the ground for months at a time. I am used to seeing dead brown grass now and then through the snowy months. I really like snow, so I am all good with it. I am not a fan of below zero weather, though. That means this hasn't been my favorite winter during my tenure on the planet.

The wife says if we make it until March with perpetual snow on the ground, we will break a record. Gee, there's something of which to look forward.

I go out there and shovel any time the wife deems it necessary, which she does often. I drive my car so she doesn't have to drive hers. If she does drive, I make sure to keep my shoes on the floor mat at all times. I try to remember to kick the snow boogers off my car before I pull in to the garage. I take my boots off before tromping through the house. I point out how the new stow covers the ugly grey snow. I point out how the ash borer babies might be killed by the ungodly cold. I do what I can to make snow a little less painful for her.

I don't think it's helping but I'm trying.

The good news is that no matter what the weatherman says, we only get 1-3 inches of snow every time the white stuff falls from the sky. Last night's snow was originally set to be a winter storm with 10 inches....then 4-6 inches....then 3-5 inches....before you know it, it was 2-4 inches. I told the wife not to worry about the forecast, assuring her that we would be getting 1-3 inches.

Guess who was right--me or the weatherman?

The wife is already fretting about next week's predicted a total of 17" of snow within the week. I told her not to worry because the two snowfalls will consist of a total 2-6 inches: 1-3 inches + 1-3 inches = 2-6 inches. That's nowhere near 17.

I may have been an art major but I can compute snow totals.

And yes, it is snowing as I type. We are expected to get.....

.....1-3 inches.

Was there a doubt? I think not.
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The wife lamented....the snow, and then the snow came,
                   .....the snow plows came and blocked in the driveway,
                              .....the salt messed up the exterior of the Mustang.
The wife was always out shoveling. She dropped to sleep exhausted,
        .....asking, "Why? why do we live here?"
                  .....she checks her iPad and sees it's snowing......
                            ......yes, she wakes up, and it's snowing."
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