When I saw this, I burst out laughing. This is SOOOO all about the wife. I"m not sure she will find any humor in anything about snow, but she's been on "Oprah's Favorite Things" and she is always waiting for a snow day, so I figure this has got to be the most perfect thing I've ever seen in regards to the winter she is experiencing. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Hell hath no fury like a teacher who didn't get an anticipated snow day.
At the demanding 100-decibel call of the not-so-wild, I got up and let Freckles out this morning--she means business when she starts barking at doesn't stop until her minions get out of bed. It was some ungodly hour because dogs do not respect the idea that one might sleep an hour more on the weekend nor do they care you stayed up later than usual to watch that Orange/Black show. Usually, the wife answers the early-morning demands, but she had already gotten up once so it was my turn. Just as well, as I had to pee. (Side note: One must wait to pee because Freckles does not wait. When it's time, it's time. Her barking is so loud and so insistent that peeing isn't even worth it until she's gone outside.)
And, there it was. I opened the door and was looking out at....
....Snow.
More snow. Big, puffy white flakes falling gently from the sky.
Sigh. It was beautiful but I didn't dare mutter a word, lest the wife have a nervous breakdown before even getting out of bed.
For her, I post this, a gentle reminder to the wife:
Touche, Captain.
I had planned on going for an outdoor walk this morning, but the snow made me re-think my plan. Oh, one can certainly walk in the snow but I'm pretty tentative these days about slippery roads & hidden ice patches. I didn't walk yesterday because it never got above zero degrees and I couldn't fathom walking in that. My boogers and eyelashes would freeze.
Now that my tailbone is very much on the mend, if not mended, I have been taking part in a work-sponsored walking program. It's part of a health initiative so we can save money or something by getting healthier. You pick the number of steps you want as your daily goal, you wear a pedometer, you walk, you enter the steps into the computer. Wa-la! Walking program.
The sponsoring health agency designed this particular walk on the now-underway Olympics and we as a group are supposed to walking to Sochi. Well, I never had any plans to walk to Sochi--the land of Putin is not exactly teeming with love for the gays. I decided: "Piss on Sochi--I am walking to somewhere gay." I'm not sure what the sponsors think of my walking page but they shouldn't have given me a journal to publicly post if they didn't want to hear about big gay walk to Key West.
I decided on 6,000 steps as that seemed doable, especially once my butt healed. I figured I could make up what I wasn't able to do in the beginning of the "competition" once my tailbone allowed me the pleasure of walking instead of waddling. I would have much preferred 10,000 steps but there is no way in hell me and my butt would have ever been able to come close to doing that before the closing of the 2014 Winter Olympics in So-No-Chi.
For the record: I am not averaging 6,000 steps a day--yet. I plan on this week being my catch-up week. I gotta do something with all those dang walking tapes I own.
I set up my page with the following disclaimer:
"I'm not walking to Sochi. I'm walking to South Beach, Florida....then, it's off to Key West. Sochi's president equates the gays to pedophiles. Ain't got no time for that! I'm starting in Portland (gay) and heading to Key West via San Francisco (super gay), Palm Springs (desert gay), Salt Lake City (super surprisingly very gay), Denver (not so gay but I can get a tattoo), St Louis, Atlanta and finally Miama (South Beach!). After a dance at the bars, we'll head to Key West to hang out with Hemingway and his peeps. They love the gays. Happy walking."
By the way, I used a photo of Jodie Foster as my profile. Dream big, I say.I don't think the sponsor expected anyone to be so creative. I'm not sure if they are laughing, scowling, freaking out or posting me on the agency's intra-net bulletin board.
Each journal entry gives me the chance to say something about the city I'm in--historical, factual or totally made up. I hope the humor distracts from the fact that I don't usually get 6,000 steps. I'm just entering Salt Lake City, which means I'm three cities behind schedule. I may have to take a plane from Denver to St. Louis. It also gives me the chance to talk about political things as related to the gays in the Olympics. Don't get me wrong--I didn't think anyone should boycott the Olympics. I just want people educated and want the gays safe and sound while chasing their dreams of gold.
Yesterday, since it was the opening day of the Winter Olympics, I decided to write something about So-No-Chi:
"Oh.my.goodness. I am now going to walk 40,000 steps tomorrow in an effort to get through Salt Lake City and Denver in the next 24 hours. The Olympics have started and I have to get to Key West before they end. Speaking of the Olympics, may we remember Putin's warning that the gays should "leave children alone." I'll do my best not to be a pedophile while walking in my rainbow shorts. What's to worry about? "We don't have a ban on nontraditional sexual relations between people," Putin said last month. "We have a ban on the propaganda of homosexuality and pedophilia; I would like to underline that." Um. okay. The Russian law bans the promotion of gay rights and any public displays of affection among same-sex couples. I'll keep my hands to myself. I promise." :-)
I'll be walking to and talking about Salt Lake City today..........Until then, hands to myself, hands to myself.
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