Shooting the Poop, Part I

Trust me when I say there is no delight quite like the infamous colonoscopy prep.  Yes, I am in the midst of shooting the poop.....and, you.are.there!

(Spell check does not recognize the word "colonoscopy."  It thinks it should be kaleidoscope or cloudscape.)

Prepping for having a garden hose shoved up your patooty is different than it was ten years ago when I first had this pleasure.  Back then, you drank--literally--a gallon of this god-awful concoction and then hoped for the best.  Since I have a very slow moving system (do you really need or want to know this?), it took me FIVE HOURS after consuming a gallon of liquid to have any "motion."  FIVE HOURS with a gallon of liquid in me.  An.entire.gallon.of.stuff.in.me.  (Plus all that poop still in there!) I was absolutely miserable.  I went to bed because I got tired of waiting for something to happen and tired of being upright while sloshing.....

This time, I had to take three laxative pills (early afternoon) and now have to drink two bottles--only 10 ounces each--of this terrible-but-tolerable tasting stuff. To catch you up to speed: I drank one bottle around 2:30 PM and have to drink another one tomorrow morning.  Over a five hour period I have to drink a 1/2 gallon of Gatorade.  I suppose it's only 1/2 less than before, but it is making a huge difference in my comfort department.  Here's a photo of what I've drunk so far. Yum!

For the record, I was supposed to wait until 4 PM for the pills and 5 PM for the bottle of "stuff," but I didn't want to end up with another "waiting for five hours at night" episode due to my slow system; thus, I moved up the time frame.  At this point, it seems genius. It also seems to be to be a great equalizer--it's kinda like how they stagger the runners in track meets to make it equitable.  I look like I started ahead of the pack but really I am with the pack.  My 5 PM is someone else's 7 PM.

I also think it's genius that Gatorade now comes in a "clear" form--it has flavor but not color.  This helps a lot...although, I am quickly developing an aversion to Gatorade, no matter what the color or flavor. 

Another development is that I can "eat" (and I do use that term loosely) jello, as long as it's not red.  Jello is NOT a vegetarian food but at this point, I'm thinking a little jello won't hurt my vegetarian ways (well, as long as I don't think about it).  If you are wondering why jello isn't a vegetarian food, you obviously do not know what you are eating when you eat jello.

I hate jello.  Never been a fan.  But, I will slurp some down if it settles my stomach or helps me with my overwhelming hunger (of which still exists despite being full of this liquid nonsense). I purchased some orange and some green jello, neither of which sound appetizing in any capacity.  But, it's there if I need it.

I will spare you the "real" details...which is really, really hard for me.  It's early in the game and I've already seen some amazing things from long ago.  I just saw remnants of last Tuesday's bagel (I kid you not) and I am awaiting arrival of corn.  If I see corn, I'm taking a photo of it because I can't even remember the last time I ate any corn.

I will not post the photo of the corn.  I will just email it to MJagger and call it a day.
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Stay tuned for a report on the actual procedure.  I know you can barely wait.
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