End of Suffering, Soon to end...via gift Donuts. What else?

Here is a photo of my dog-sitting prowess. I am mighty impressed with myself that I was able to get all four dogs lined up like that. I wish you were looking at their faces instead of their butts, but it was hard enough getting them lined up and focused on their own bowl of food, let alone turn them around for a candid cell phone shot. For those of you wondering who is whom, that's Brown Dog, Freckles, Lucy and Bitty Bichon (who is definitely much less bitty every day).

Today, in true holiday fashion, I was outside painting the garage entrance door (what the hell do you call that door? It's not the big over head one; it's the regular sized door you go in and out of when not opening the big door). Due to the proximity of the door and the angle at which I was painting, I was unable to see around the corner of the house toward the driveway. Imagine my surprise when two men came around the corner and almost walked right into me. In true surprised fashion, I yelled out,

"JESUS!"

...I clutched my chest and fell backwards away from them.

They scared me and I definitely scared them. They couldn't see me, either and had no idea I was standing there. Despite my surprise, it only took a milli-second to recognize who these well dressed (over-dressed for the weather) middle-aged men were....the Jehovah Witness van had pulled into town.

The fact that I yelled "Jesus!" when they scared me made it all the more rich. I mean, what could be better than yelling, "Jesus!" when the Jehovah witness van pulls up to your house?

The Jehovah peeps have come to our house many a-time before. In the past, I would have (a) snarled at them and told them to hit the road; (b) told them I was a pagan-witch-lesbian-abortion-performing-hedonist; (c) toyed with them and THEN told them I was a pagan-witch-lesbian-abortion-performing-hedonist; or, (d) run quickly away from the door and hid in the lower level. But, today was a whole different day. Today, I was well armed with all my newly-gleaned Bible information (thank you, "working-hard-to-save me work people!").

These two guys didn't know who they were recruiting, that's for sure.

I am all about freebies--I need bingo prizes for work. So, when I saw they had a free Bible book to hand out, I was all about it. First, they gave me the "All suffering soon to end" pamphlet, which I readily took. I was still eyeing the free book but knew I'd have to "earn" it. I knew there was nothing they could say or do that I hadn't heard a bazillion times before at work, so I really didn't care about their recruiting at all. I focused on the free book. Then, they opened their Bibles to point out a scripture from Isaiah...and, incredibly enough, I had just read that passage yesterday (yes, I am serious--I get a nice little diddy every day via email from "The Daily Word," which is a delightful way to start the day) and so I was even more armed with Biblical facts and knowledge than they could have ever anticipated. When I was actually able to quote the scripture, they were very impressed.

Ca-ching! Free Bible Book!

The more-official looking one proclaimed I did indeed look to be someone who was very familiar with "the good book" and thus there didn't seem much more to say. Of course, I wasn't done--I thought they might have more freebies--so, I asked what church they were from. How mean was that? Like I didn't know! They got all proud and puffed up and exclaimed they were Jehovah Witnesses.

Damn, not another freebie to be had. Well, besides how happy they were by the end of all this. I guess they figured their work was done and thus they were on their way in no time....

.....on their way to the Gaybor's house!

Cheeseball neighbor never misses a beat. She waved them off (thankfully, she didn't run them over as she pulled out of the driveway) and zipped off to her unknown-to-me destination. She, too surprised me....just a few minutes later, she pulled up and handed me the "All suffering, Soon to end" pamphlet...and a bag of donuts from DD. "All suffering soon to end, thanks to donuts!" she said.

Amen to that!