Here Come the Brides

Before we begin, here is a commercial message:

Dearest Three Hawk,
You don't need no stinkin' uterus.
Love, the Addiverse


They’ve always said you shouldn’t tell anyone when you are going on vacation, but I am going to tell you we are just about to go on vacation. I can tell you with confidence, as we have two dog sitters staying on the premises, the dogs will be on the premises and the neighbors will be watching the dog watchers. Safety all around us.

We are preparing for our trip out east, to visit Dos Marias (formerly of San Diego) and to attend Suzuki DeFranco’s wedding. We love traveling with Dos Marias as they are the perfect hostesses and incredible tour guides. We visited them three times (or, was it four?) in San Diego and once in Puerto Rico….I can’t believe they actually, purposefully invited us to visit their new abode in Connecticut. Travel plans include a visit to New York City including Time Square, Central Park & Grand Central Station. The wife is in for a treat as she has never been there. Suzuki’s wedding is in Massachusetts but those states are so small out there that it’s only an hour from where we are staying in Connecticut. The wedding will be at Amherst College, Suzuki’s alma mater. We’ve visited the school before but not when Suzuki was there (how weird is that?). As blog readers might remember, I am very happy we are flying on a big plan, none of those ridiculous puddle-jumpers they tried to get me on. I need at least 100 seats and a beverage cart.

This is how I get ready for a vacation: Stare at closet. Go update Facebook status. Stuff clothes in school-sized back pack. Shove chocolate in back pack. Stuff flight itinerary and travel information in backpack. Write a blog. Scribble out directions for the dog sitters. Go to the bank and get some money. Paint toe nails. Eat lunch. Finish blog. I’m a simple girl.

The wife’s preparation is much more complicated and includes making lists of lists of the lists she has made. Study weather channel. Identify perfect wardrobe. Bathe the dogs, wash the dishes, change the sheets, mow the lawn, pay the bills, wash all the dog bedding, wash every morsel of clothing in the house, pack the bag, re-pack the bag, get a bigger bag, re-re-pack the bag, write dissertation for dog sitters, clean the house, make a new list, water the plants, find world peace, get money, reconsider what has been packed and re-re-re-pack, wash the car, go to the store, etc. The list is too long to truly write in one blog. I need a nap just thinking about it.

We will spend several days with Dos Marias, do our touristy things, then move on to the wedding events. I am very excited because this will be the first same-sex wedding we have ever been to. Of course, now I have just “outed” Ms. Suzuki De Franco but I’m sure she’s all good with that; after all, this is a “real” wedding with real heterosexual guests and real invitations and real flower girl (or, perhaps a flower boy). Both are brides, so don’t be asking me any silly questions about “who is the guy in the relationship?” Grandparents, parents, step parents, siblings, step siblings, partners of said siblings. Long lost friends and family…all part of the shindig.

Just think, our friend Phlange-a-slam (Suzuki's mama) is "Mother of A bride." Can't exactly call her mother OF the bride.

It’s wild that big ol’ gays can legally get married in Massachusetts. We, being from the flatlands where such evens are not legal, are quite curious about this. We are also quite curious about how the “I’ve-never-seen-two-girls-kiss-before-crowd” will react to all this. After all, it freaked us out the first time we saw such behavior and we are gay, for pete’s sake.

My biggest concern for the entire vacation is what to wear. It’s hard to stuff enough clothes in a school-sized back pack to cover the spectrum of weather that might occur. It might be 50 degrees; it might be 100 degrees. Hell, I’ll just buy what I need. (I plan to wear my high school alumni sweatshirt as part of the trip so I can post photos of myself on FB as a reminder of the upcoming event.) I'm not worried bout the wedding, as I would guess anything goes. I do have a fabulous pair of white capris that will be quite the hit, I am sure. We are not checking bags, so we really are stuffing things in. If my back pack bursts, I'll be sure to take a photo.

I hope they aren't gonna make me take my shoes off at O'Hare; however, in the name of safety, I will do as I am told and be very happy to do so. If they ask me to open my back pack, tho....it won't be pretty. There is NO way I can get that stuff back in there.....