Report from the Love Loft: Nifty Fifty

Before I get to the Nifty Fifty, here's an illustration of the "Boss' Day Dunkin' Donut Overload," as promised in the previous blog. This phone photo was taken before all the donuts had arrived, but you get the idea.

Thanks to Phlange-a-slam for the idea to include more "home taken" photos in my blog entries. My plan is to use my camera phone to capture the moments. Those of you who are creatively challenged stand to benefit the most from this project.

Einsteina Vagina, illustrious member of the LLL (Love Loft) is turning 50 is just a few short days. Now, some of you couldn't care less about 50....for a variety of reasons: because 50 is so far away you can't even IMAGINE being that old; because 50 is so far away from where you are that you can't even REMEMBER that long ago; because 50 is a reason to celebrate with your closest 200 friends; because 50 means you can take a fabulous trip somewhere exotic and get drunk so you don't remember turning 50.....

Ah, but for some of us turning 50 is the perfect reason to get a first tattoo.

To her credit, Einsteina has been talking about getting a tattoo for many years, so this was not a last-minute-I'm-getting-crusty-rash decision. Also to her credit is that she wanted to take me, Queen of the Tacky Tattoos, with her for the momentous occasion. Also Also to her credit is that she thought long and hard about what she actually wanted tattooed on her very being, that being the Anhk, Egyptian symbol of eternal life, which is perfect for such an event. Here is a photo of an Ankh so you can have a visual. Actually, this is the exact photo of the ankh the tattoo assistant suggested, but the size of the planned tat prohibited the detail included here (or, so said the tattoo artist).

Getting a tattoo during the Love Loft is genius in many ways: you have the loving support of dear friends; it's a great way to spend time between meals; it's something none of us will forget; it's something we can make fun of; it's something near and dear to my heart (being that I adore getting & sporting tattoos); it gives you a break from eating non-stop (it's good to pace yourself); it's cheaper than losing all your money on the gambling boat down the road; it's something that leads to story-telling about Love Lofts come and gone.

How can you have a bad day when someone's getting a tattoo? You can't!

Einsteina thought long and hard about where she wanted the tattoo on her body, on how big she wanted the tattoo, how she was going to put her hockey shin guard on the next day after getting the tattoo. She had called the local tattoo parlor and checked it out before coming to this weekend's LLL. Einsteina actually made an appointment and didn't just show up unannounced. She even made sure she could roll up her pant leg so the tattoo could be placed on her being without having to disrobe. I love a grrrrl with a plan.

I love going to tattoo parlors. Call me white trash, call me tacky, call me weird, sick, whatever--I love the smell of tattoo goop, the site of "flash" on the walls, the photo albums of tattoos gone wrong and covered up, the sound of the tattoo machine buzzing in the background. I also love getting tattoos, even though I already have enough tacky ink to satisfy three big bikers. The thought of accompanying a beloved friend to get a tattoo is heart-warming; the invitation to be present during the virgin tattooing experience of a friend is so warming of the cockles that I can barely stand it.

I'm guessing the wife had a pool going with the other members of the LLL that I would come back with a new tattoo of my own. Had I an idea or inspiration, this probably would have been a good bet; however, I don't have any ideas at this moment and I've learned my lesson that spontaneous tattoos are not usually a good thing.

This tattoo parlor was nothing spectacular--it's an "old school," no-nonsense kind of place, which is a good thing in my tattoo book: white walls, lots of flash covering every available space, The two tattoo artists were nicely covered with various forms of ink. There was loud rap music blaring from the stereo. The artist areas were filled with photos artwork they had created. A recipe for an orgasmic experience!

Einsteina was understandably very excited and very nervous. Those of us who know Einsteina know that she is a pretty chatty girl. Okay, she's a really chatty girl. I am here to tell you that she did not shut up once during this whole event, and when I say never once did she stop babbling, I mean she did not stop babbling at all. It was truly hilarious. She asked questions about every detail of the blessed event, she fretted over the design, she spoke aloud her every thought. As she is also one of those "talk with her hands Italian, I'm not sure how she even held still while the guy was tattooing her leg.

Einsteina's gal pal, Pee Pee Peeker, appeared very enamoured with the happening and also asked many questions. I think she was pleased to not see very much blood, as a previous tattoo witnessing had left her woozy from the "leaking of the plasma." I thought she might jump in and get a tattoo of her own, but she left the experience to for the soon to be 50 year old.

The whole ordeal took less than an hour, from design of the tattoo to the last wipe of the plasma, which is relatively short in tattoo time. The result was a fabulous rendition of the exact thing Einsteina had envisioned. (Very reasonable priced, I might add. This made me want to run in there and demand a tattoo. The price was more than right!) Before we knew it, we were in Wally World looking for anti-biotic, non-fragranced soap and some Lubriderm lotion. (Side note: it's really hard to find soap without fragrance; even the old-school Dial has fragrance now. Go figure.) We were soon back at the Love Loft, just in time for dinner, with Einsteina proudly showing off her acquisition while seated at the dinner table.

I know Einsteina is not thrilled about turning 50 but I think the tattoo will make it much easier and palatable. (Fifty. Sigh. Can we really be that old? Is that really grey hair? Are we really in our fifth decade?) I wish her a very happy birthday.....and look forward to turning 50 so I can take her with when I get my own "I'm turning 50 please distract me" artwork of my own.

Yum squared!