Down on the Farm(ville)

I wanna talk about my "eye bulbs" and my thoughts on Arm-Under for women but I am too distracted to start with such things....

By what, you might ask?

....By my wheat that needs to be harvested.

Those of you who are sucked in to "playing" Farmvillage on Face de la Book understand what this means. Those of you who do not partake in this bizarre agricultural action do not. (That's a picture of my farm, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about. Uh-oh! My cherry tree needs to be harvested!)

There were were, eating dinner with the gaywad neighbors at Lobster de la Red on Friday night when I realized I had to get home or some of my unharvested crops would wilt and die. I actually said something out loud about this, which really illustrates my unhealthy relationship with the world. Instead of worrying about word peace or thinking about Jillian Michael's abs, I am thinking about non-existent crops.

This is indeed a sad, sad statement on the current condition of my brain.

On a different note, I went to an opthamologist surgeon guy for a consultation yesterday. I've worn glasses since first grade, so the thought of being able to see without glasses has always been one of my dreams. For shits and giggles, I thought I'd find out what options I might have about corrective eye surgery. With my awful vision, I figured it would be very expensive and come with no guarantees. I did some homework before going, so I had an idea of what he'd probably say and how much he'd probably choke out it would cost.

Suffice it to say, my only real option is to have my lens removed and have them replaced with new, fake lens. Yes, this is exactly what they do for cataract surgery, only I don't have cataracts. As my homework had suggested this is exactly what the opthamologist guy would have to say, I was prepared with a plethora of questions.

No, the surgery doesn't change the shape of my eye, so technically I'd still have my blind-as-a-bat eye bulbs. No, it wouldn't lower my chance of having a detached retina (which is something of a concern with how myopic my eyes are). No, there is no guarantee my eyes wouldn't get worse (but, as he noted, I could always have surgery or wear glasses and get that corrected! GREAT!). Yes, I'd still have to wear "cheaters" or "readers" or whatever you call those glasses to read things up close. Good news is that I'd never need cataract surgery (because I would have basically HAD cataract surgery and cataracts don't "grow" on fake lens). Of course, because I don't have cataracts (which I am all good with), insurance does not pay for this elective surgery; so, technically....if I waited to have surgery when I do eventually have cataracts, the surgery would be covered. Hmmmmm.

Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my current lens--they aren't the reason I can't see. So, I'd be removing one of the working things in my eyes and would be "elective-ly" replacing them with a fake product. Double Hmmmmm.

Also, there is the price tag. Sit down, cuz the quote was $7200.00. We're talking car payment here. (I drive cheap cars. If you are driving an Escalade, you do not relate to that last sentence.) Thankfully, my homework had prepared me for that quote--it was almost exactly what I thought it would be.

Elective surgery with few guarantees besides no cataracts. Sigh. I'll stick with my $500 a year glasses and funky-shaped eyeballs for now, thank you.

Finally, Arm-Under--the wonder material that is supposed to be God's gift to athletes. The wife's brother, Tommy Hilfiger, wears it ALL the time. ALL.THE.TIME. The wife found me a a long-sleeved version (at her favorite store, the MAXX) to try out for this fall when walking with MJagger. Seemed like a good idea--wick away the persperation, feel nice and dry while walking. Yum!

I tried my new Arm-Under shirt this morning, as it was a bit cooler today. The result? Yes, it did seem to wick away the sweat, which was indeed very nice. The problem? My bra, which is not made of Arm-Under material but rather some cheap nylon product from Wallyworld, was all wet and yucky and thus the Arm-Under really didn't make much of a different. Who wants to spend all that money on Arm-Under when you're walking around with a soggy bra?

I bet Tommy Hilfiger never has to worry about a soggy bra.

I suppose this means I have to buy a Arm-Under bra to go with my Arm-Under shirt in order to feel fresh and pretty and dry. I'm not sure I'm ready to drop money on a special bra. I have to choke up money to help pay for the washing machine repairs--special bras are not in the budget. I can't go braless, so it's either soggy bra or soggy bra. I think I'll stick with the soggy bar for now. I'm thinking an investment in Arm-Under pants for the winter make more sense...

....but, then won't I have soggy underwear? Oh, the madness!

Well, I'd love to write more but my artichokes are waiting for harvest and I've got a pig ready to be shoot out some truffles. If you don't hear from me for a few days, come look on the farm. I'm the one with purple hair, glasses and a soggy bra.....
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