Coming Home

Ah, yes--homecoming weekend. A tradition for many, a trauma for some, a non-event for most no longer in school. Eldest niece, a junior in high school, will be going to her school's homecoming this weekend. Hope she has lots of fun and no drama. High schoolers today have the right idea--if you don't get asked to the dance, you go as a big group. Even if you do get asked to go to the dance, you can still go with a big group. No sitting home and feeling sorry for yourself, no getting left behind, no feeling like a loser or lonely girl. It's equal opportunity dancing. What a great concept!

To all you high school homecoming participants: Be safe! Have fun! Don't drive drunk. Don't chew gum when wearing braces. (I just threw that it there for my niece. As I was an orthodontic assistant in a previous life, I believe it is my moral obligation to warn braces-wearing persons of dangers related to gum-chewing.)

It's my homecoming weekend, too.....I'm dragging the wife to my 25th college reunion/homecoming weekend. As you can imagine, she is so excited she could just pee. (I think going to this event is right about "gouge my eyes out with hot pokers" on her things to do list.)

I know, I know--you just cannot believe I am old enough to have graduated 25 years ago. Well, I did start college when I was seven years old....

To get you in the mood for college homecoming babbling, I've included the photo of our senior year dorm t-shirt. Please ignore the stain on the shirt--after all, the shirt IS 25 years old AND survived a year in college. I drew this image, which features our Resident Assistant and a flock of unexplained farm animals (complete with a pig with a wig). Notice the chickens are drinking TAB soda--I am truly aging myself. For those of you who are wondering: I will NOT be wearing this shirt to this weekend's homecoming activities at the college. Yes, it would still fit--I weighed a lot more in college than I do now, so that's a good thing....I gained the "Freshmen Fifty" instead of the Freshman 15, which means I have plenty of room in that shirt if I wanted to wear it now. Maybe the wife will want to wear it....

High school homecoming meant marching in the band during half time at the football game (which was awesome, I might add). We'd do a special marching routine designed to make a big heart around the homecoming queen. I know--gag. Worse than the heart, the band captain would lay this gross, wet, obscene kiss on the poor queen. How or why that tradition started, I do not know. I think we also did a rendition of "Let me call you sweetheart," but I might be delirious. Anyway, the game was awesome....the homecoming dances were the traumatic part. I was only asked to go to the dance my senior year dance and thus had to sit home and mope the other three years. I think the pain of not being asked to attend the high school homecoming dance was exasperated by hormones AND because I could see the high school out our back window...which means I watched the people in their formal wear entering the school to enjoy the dance. You didn't go to the dance unless you had a date and I can't say dates were flocking to my door.

Side note: You could NEVER pay me enough to return to high school age. NEVER. Don't even get me started on the whole homecoming court trauma.

I have never gone back to high school to attend any high school homecoming events. I suppose there is still time, but if I haven't done so in 29 years, I don't think I'll be starting this year. Maybe I'll ask my Book de la Face friends if any of them return to the Mecca every year.

When I went to college, homecoming was much different. We didn't have a football team--we had a soccer team--we didn't have a band, no one was slobbing kisses on the homecoming queen and there was no painful dance to not be invited to. I can't say I remember many alumni ever showing up for homecoming weekend back then, but that doesn't mean they weren't there--it means I was too drenched in alcohol to notice. Being that it was such a small college and being that there was no official dance that I know of, homecoming was a fun event. I even got to be on the Homecoming Court--that's how little the school was.

I have been to many college homecoming/reunions, as I always partake in the softball alumni/student softball game (see previous blogs, complete with photos). I am way too smart (and too old) to play, so I spend my time coaching one of the bases, harassing the current students, and making obnoxious announcements on the loud speaker. It's a great event, not only because it's fun but also because softball is how the wife and I met and thus it's always nice trip down memory lane. (It's always those damned sports.)

When the wife is less than enthusiastic about the homecoming/reunion dinner, I remind her that I paid $20 a person for us to eat cafeteria food, so we are going and we are eating and we are going to have a good time. I don't think I'll see many alumni from my era, so that's not the draw. I already can see the college whenever I want--the wife works there and it's only a few miles away. I still see the people I'd like to see. There's still no marching band, but....

......there IS a football team.....

and, there is a homecoming queen....

and, one of my peers will be flying in from New York, so it will be nice to see her..... (Actually, we are the only two people from the class of 1984 to register for the weekend)......

.....and, the wife and I will have the chance to eat dinner in the cafeteria, which I find super romantic......

....I don't have to wear a dress.....

.....it will give me oodles of good fodder for the blog.....

....and, it will take the wife's mind off of the upcoming Packer/Vikings game this weekend. THAT makes it worth every minute. Suck it up, Purple Favre.
***************************************************************
Happy Homecoming, DKM! Kiss kiss.
***************************************************************