Drug Lords and Swine Flu

Ah Mexico.... I'm going to put the thought out that some Mexican Massage Lady (a legitimate massage lady, your corrupt tidbits) is going to offer me this service at no charge because she likes my tattoos and heard that I'm a good tipper. It won't be the wife giving me a massage as she can only give a massage for about one-point-two seconds and then she whines that her hands hurt. (I say, "Mortify the flesh!") Mexican Massages: come to me free and legit! Come on, Universe! Like Madonna says, "If you want it, you already got it."

I can feel that massage already. Yum!

This upcoming trip to Mexico has led to interesting reactions from friends and co-workers....the response (or lack of, I suppose) has been quite intriguing:

Friend: "Where you going on vacation?" I reply, "We're going to Riviera Maya in Mexico."

Silence.

The silence is followed by a slight smile, followed by a bit more silence.

Drug lords. It's the drug lord stories that have them reacting with silence. Not palm trees; not white, sandy beaches; not Montezuma's Revenge; not skin cancer from sun burns.....drug lords, kidnapping, murder--THAT'S what comes to mind.

(I suppose we should worry about Pirates while we're snorkeling, too, but no one ever seems to think of Pirates in relation to Riviera Maya.)

I'm not too worried that some drug lord is going to swoop down upon the Tulum Ruins and hold me hostage.....in fact, I think there is a MUCH bigger chance that I'll get a free massage before I'd ever be in trouble due to a Mexican Drug Lord (no offense to the drug lords, of course).

Then, there's the Swine Flu. That seems to be the second portion of the "Mexico-silence-friend-response." I hear there has been some trouble with Swine Flu as related to Mexico; in fact, our Canadian neighbors all in a titter about it. It's not from eating swine, so being a vegetarian isn't going to help here. It's that coughing and sneezing that is spreading the wealth. I'm feeling pretty confident about this concern....but, the wife is in the other room, television blaring a story about Swine flu. I hear the words "swine flu," "Pandemic" and "Mexico" all in one sentence. It's hard to ignore. The announcers warns of "a global epidemic that can't be contained."

I don't have time for this little piggy.

The announcer goes on and on. It's then when I have a thought!

All the drug lords are going to come down with Swine flu and they'll be too sick to do much of anything while we are in town.

Genius!

I'd be of no use as a hostage, anyways. Thanks to new glasses (hey, I'm blind--have to have them--trifocals, no less), a trip to the dentist (since when does it cost $200 for a cleaning, some bite-wing x-rays and a 30 second exam?) and paying to have the lap top fixed (of which those techies did not do--what a scam--I am going to chase them around with a Blue Screen of Death til the scream "uncle"), I'm worth about $1.57. They'd be better off going after the massage therapist.

Me? I'm going to focus on palm trees, warm breezes, delicious Mexican food and my free massage on the beach....that and sneezing, wheezing, swine-filled drug lords.

I feel better already.

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