You might be a stalker if.....

 Okay, my stalker-ness has NOTHING to do with the President-elect, so don't get all secret service on me. I just loved this photo, as passed my way by China Mama Grrrrl, and wanted to immediately share it with you. I would have saved the photo for a more appropriate moment, but I liked it so much I couldn't wait. Yo go, 'Bama family! Side note to "She Who Must Not Be Named:" Don't let your advisers get your down. I don't care if you know where Africa is or not. They are being very naughty and should be spanked. I don't care if you are a terminally right winged republican...they need to stop it. BTW, don't really get serious about 2012, cuz then you are on your own. 

No, my stalking has to do with--oh, here's a surprise!-- my beloved lady chiropractor. 

I think I may qualify as a stalker as I most recently found myself studying her Book de la Face page. 

It all started with my quest to make 5o Book de la Face friends by Christmas. I'm pretty weinee when it comes to internet site friends and a goal of 50 friends is really lame but I'm old and probably shouldn't even have the 28 friends that I do have so I don't want to set my goal too high. I mean, what the hell are all of us old people doing on Book de la Face? (Shout out to band nerds from 1980. Love that we've found each other!) So, I started entering names of people that I thought might be on Book de la Face. This is hard because when you are from an era where typerwriters were the way of the day, it takes some time to think of people of the same era who might actually have made the leap from typewriter to computer and then you type in their name and...sigh. I know my niece is on there and she has like three million friends but I am not going to ask her to be my friend--some things need to be private and she deserves not to have her old, crusty aunt reading her page. I have some scruples. I tried co-worker names, I tried friends' names, I tried college-peer names.....

....and then, for some reason, I typed in my beloved lady chiropractor's name.... .......and, her profile popped up! 

I gasped. 

It felt wrong but I didn't let it deter me. After all, if one makes his/her page public, all bets are off. I took a gander, was disgusted that she has over 300 friends (I'm such a pathetic loser!) and then....I enjoyed her wedding photos. 

THAT is definitely when I crossed the stalker line. One should not be looking at profile pages of those who have the potential to rip one's head right off the neck. I wanted to turn away, click a button, go back to my own profile page. But, I didn't. I stayed until I digested the wedding photos, THEN I turned away. May I add that she did indeed make a beautiful, blushing bride? Of course I can. I promise to stay away from her Book de la Face pages as it really is no place for me to be, so my stalker-dom is short-lived. 

Speaking of my beloved lady chiropractor, my knee has been hurting again. It was my shoes. I love my shoes but I can't wear certain pairs any more--the heel are too high and make my knee ache. That so sucks. (I guess this gives me more reason to go out and buy more shoes, so that's good but still--it sucks when the shoes you like and that are comfortable are no longer part of the wardrobe options due to pain issues.) So, there I am on that funky chiropractor table and I'm all about my knee and I'm all ready to have my hips cracked from here to Atlanta.....but after adjusting my pretty perky patella, MBLC adjusted my neck. 

If you have never had your neck "adjusted," you have no idea what this is like. Basically, it is like putting your head in someone's hands and letting that person RIP your head off its base. Picture a trained killer snapping someone's neck. NOW you get it. I have never had my neck adjusted until today. I am here to tell you that when she ripped that neck to the right, the cracking of the bones (or whatever cracks when one is adjusted) was so loud that I'm thinking people in the parking lot heard it. 

Holy smokes! And, I thought my hips made a lot of noise when they cracked. The only thing better than getting one side of your neck adjusted is to get the other side of your neck adjusted. It was just as good--and as loud--as the first time. The heavens parted, the angels sang and I was in chiropractic glory. My neck felt like butta! I am one with chiropractic treatment, waiting for the next adjustment..... 

Not only do I qualify as a stalker, I qualify as a crack addict. Great. Not only am I a stalker, I'm a crack addict. Think that will help me make more friends on Book de la Face???