Crack goes the Hip, Bring on the Whip
Okay, how can I NOT post all the "She Who Must Not Be Named" fodder that's going around the Internet right now? It's like she was BORN to be the politician of my dreams. Thanks to Harmony China Grrrl for the continued email forwards. I am loving every minute of it. (If you are S-W-M-N-B-N fan/supporter/fellow hunter, I am sorry....not for posting this stuff, but for you. I know that most politicians are pretty much the same, but this lady takes it to a whole 'nother level. At least she's cute. Maybe she'd be my friend despite my chosen sexuality....although, I don't S-W-M-N-B-N is exactly looking for a bleeding-liberal- vegetarian- lesbian-tree-hugger-who's never shot a child out of her womb and who can certainly NOT see Russia from the Addiverse on her friendship list. ) 

One: Monday is Madonna. Woo Woo! Let's see: If today is Thursday evening, that means I only have to wait through Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Whatever will I wear? Will my knee hold out through all that dancing? Will I be able to sneak up closer to the stage? Will I get my period? (TMI) I AM READY, MATERIAL GRRRL! 

Two: Dos Marias are getting married!!! I am very excited to alert Addiverse readers that our Californian friends Dos Marias will be getting married right before election day. Why then, you ask? Because on November 4th the great State of California may vote to get rid of that nasty gay marriage thing, so they "have" to get married before November 4, 2008. That doesn't give them much time to do anything but slap on a few nice close, jog to the courthouse and say "I do" but it's a huge, wonderful, amazing thing that they can actually legally get married. I hope there is time to clink some glasses and smooch along the way. Good luck and congrats, grrrls! Three: I had a delicious appointment with My Beloved Lady Chiropractor (MBLC) this morning. When I woke up today, I was indeed a wee, wee, wee bit sad because I had no knee pain but happy I had no knee pain. (No pain equals less visits equals less face-to-face time with MBLC but it does equate to more money in my checking & savings account). I did notice an incredibly ridiculous tightness in my hamstrings, so I figured that had to be good for something. I waddled my tight leg muscles to the office, Dr. Jesus nowhere in sight. (I have since learned he comes in later during the day, so if I play my cards right, I won't have many Dr. Jesus sightings over the next few weeks, although I do owe him because his business partner is fabulous. Praise the baby Jesus for that. I am all about the Baby Jesus.) 

MBLC is all a-glow that I am still pain free. I feel like I've won an award or something-- maybe an Olympic gold medal--as she seems so pleased by my progress. I mutter about my hamstrings and so, after shooting my knees with the activator thingy, she takes a look (or, a feel I guess) at the hammies and agrees quite strongly that they are indeed very tight. She assures me she can fix this. I am sure she can. 

  I am proud to say that she stretched those puppies just about over my head and into the next county. She is leaning into it and proclaims, "this is incredible!" It is incredible, I decide. I am the new poster child for Chiropractic treatment. I am ready to testify. She assures me not many people are this flexible, adding that she is very flexible but many people aren't. 

I am smitten with my flexibility. Now, for the best part. You know, I like that little electrode thing that makes my knees buzz and I don't mind the whole activator part and I'm good with the stretching thing but there is nothing.......NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING.... nothing better than a chiropractor CRACKING your parts. (Well, besides ice cream and chocolate. I mean nothing better in the medical world.) Orgasmic! I can't exactly recall the position MBLC had me strike for the move of the century but I do know it involved my hips being in one place and suddenly being SLAMMED into another place. As I don't have my glasses on during any of this (and as I am so damned blind I can't even see the table without them), it is difficult to comprehend what is totally going on. One minute, I'm in this weird contorted position, the next, every vertebrae in the nation CRACKS-SCREAMS-FIRES with gluttonous delight. CRACK CRACK CRACK! It sounds like a damn machine gun is being fired in the room. I'm not kidding--I'd bet ten things cracked during that one delightful maneuver. Heaven. Heaven. Heaven. (If this is what the Baby Jesus had in mind when he brought me to this office, I am all good with it. Put your hand on the TV screen and be SAVED!) I am impressed with the move not only because it worked and because it feels so good but because it requires the chiropractor to basically THROW themselves on top of you while adjusting the targeted area. Talk about coordination and brute strength and a strong knowledge of bio-mechanics. One wrong move and I'm peeing in a catheter. 

How does one follow up with such a fabulous move? Why, you do the OTHER side. Ready... set.....SLAM! CRACK CRACK CRACK. I want to weep! Why have I waited so long to do this??? This is followed by more stretching/cracking/activating of my legs/hips/knees/lower back. By the time I left that office, I could have won a triathlon. I could have raced She-Who-Must-Not-be-Named up the Washington Monument and back. I could have wrapped my leg around my head twice. I could have danced circles around Jillian Michael's abs. I could have danced all night at a Madonna concert..... .....hey, now THERE'S an idea! 

  Get ready, Madonna & Baby Jesus--I'm ready to get into the groove!