Flamingo Friday

Let me tell you, the last twenty four hours gave me so much blog fodder that I will need weeks to write about all of it. Even the wife was like, "where are you going to start?" because it's been a busy, bizarre day.

Before I go further...a few disclaimers. (1) No flamingos were harmed on Flamingo Friday. (2) Master Reiki will be fine, albeit one hurting pup. (3) All parties are aware of the pending blog posts that are about to inundate the Internet. (4), Yes, we really do have the finger. Like, the missing finger--which isn't really missing if we know where it is--maybe I'll say detached finger....

And, an FYI for blog readers wondering about MJagger & her bat woes: (1) Round three of the Family Rabies shots went swimmingly. (2) The bats in her house WERE filled with rabies, so it is a very, very good thing they went through with the rabies shots.

So, there I was at Flamingo Friday at work, standing there in my pink pajamas, pink undies, pink socks, pink everything when I get a phone call alerting me that Master Reiki had been in a lawn mowing accident.

Hearing the words "lawn mowing accident" is never a good thing. I finished my work as fast as possible, skedaddled my sorry pink ass outta there and headed home to learn more. (I digress: Flamingo Friday was a special event for the seniors at the place I am now employed. The flamingo above was saved from certain doom at a recent garage sale by Chick-a-hello and DZ, god love 'em. After all that pink yesterday, I'm not sure I ever want to see a flamingo again.)

Back to the mower. Master Reiki managed to accidentally catch her gloved hand in the belt of her riding (and very fancy) John Deere riding lawn mower. She was home alone and had just finished mowing the very large yard. Like a good little mower, she was cleaning some grass on the mower deck.....when her garden glove got sucked in by this big belt and literally sucked her hand into the mower and promptly ripped off phlanges.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Not the blade. A belt. The blade would have simply sliced off the fingers. This? this belt grabbed hold and ripped the fingers off.

As she was home alone, Master Reiki had to get to the phone. Thankfully, she is not a very messy bleeder (which is of importance to this story as I was on "blood clean-up patrol later in the day) and was able to get to the phone and call 9-1-1.

Problem (well besides her ripped off fingers)? She had to call 9-1-1 FOUR TIMES and had to wait TWENTY FIVE minutes for the ambulance to arrive. Her fingers could have walked to the hospital faster than that. Thankfully, the mail lady and a neighbor came running and stayed with Master Reiki until the ambulance finally pulled up.

Imagine you are someone's neighbor and you go running up because you know something is very, very wrong....and, your neighbor says, "You've got to go find my fingers!" when you approach her.

That is exactly what happened. Master Reiki said this and the neighbor went and found her fingers. Literally.

Fingers and all were finally transported to the ER. God love the mail lady and neighbor. They put everything away in the garage, neatly parked and lined up. They locked up the house. They stayed with Master Reiki until she was finally able to get some real medical attention.

Side note to Master Reiki: Thank you for not driving yourself to the ER.

I am going to skip ahead and get to the fingers. I can go back and catch the rest of this unfolding story later.

Now, there is a really, really funny story about the fingers--although some of you will not find the story funny at all. You'll be the ones trying not to throw up.

See, the finger parts--of which were not salvageable in any capacity--were still in the garden glove. The hospital didn't need the phlange parts, so they were just going to throw them out. Well, thankfully one of our gang (whom shall remain anonymous lest she be asked to save other disconnected body parts from certain doom) secured the finger and glove and stuffed them into a Tupperware container. I kid you not. She thought that Master Reiki might want to do some ritual with the finger--a going away part of sorts--and that having the finger would mean a lot to MR. (You have to know Master Reiki to understand this and how much she will appreciate having that finger. )

Well, having a finger in a Tupperware container really isn't that shocking. Knowing that the phlange-freer put it IN HER CAR on a hot summer afternoon is rather shocking.

More shocking? Probably the smell when she opened the car door.

Here is a photo of Master Reiki's arm propped up & hanging in her hospital bed. This photo is NOTHING in comparison to the photos Chick-a-hello got--she got full view shots of the injured hand. It is grossly amazing. Various angles, various poses, various looks at the injuries. Can you say bone sticking out? WOW! She is offering to email me the photos for the blog but I'm not sure some people would live through it, so I may keep the photos for my own viewing pleasure and spare you readers. (Note to Grand Canyon Black Toes: I'll email you the photos. You'll love them!)

Back to the bloody house. Master Reiki had made it sound like there was blood everywhere. I went prepared for a "crime scene" looking blood bath. I pictured blood on the walls and having to call a professional company to come clean the disaster. I had extra clothes, gloves, bleach--the works. I told the wife stay in the car while I surveyed the damage....

....I hate to admit this, but I was SO disappointed when I got there. There were some drips of blood in the garage, obviously from Master Reiki walking from the house to the driveway. In the house, there were only a few drops of blood on the tile and on the phone. No bloody towels, no puddles of red goo, nothing. She is the neatest bleeder I have ever seen. She didn't even get any blood in the kitchen floor grout, so it was incredibly easy to clean up. I was so confused, I walked through the house several times and even went through the garbage, laundry and washer looking for evidence of blood. Nada.

I'm going to stop here and write more later today. There is a ton more to report but I must pace myself.......stay tuned and keep your fingers to yourself.