What Not to Wear in the Addiverse

(Happy Birthday, Freckles Warrior Princess, 56 years young!)

You know the show "What Not to Wear?" It's one of my favorite shows, which is kind of ironic since I am a fashion disaster. I often fear that they are secretly filming me with my "slob-on-the-job" look. Well, the unthinkable has transpired--I have accepted a job that requires business dress. Not business casual, not casual, not slob--business attire.

Um, I am SO not about "trouser socks." Even the words "trouser socks" sends nausea through my body. I must toughen up, mortify the flesh and make the plunge.

As I am queen of fashion faux paux-ness, I have sought the input of my business-world friends. After all, if you have to have a mentor, get one who has walked the walk. I am awaiting their words of wisdom so I can buy "business on the cheap." After all, I have a strict budget and an aversion to spending major money on any article of clothing besides shoes.

The other day, the wife and I were out shopping for some new business clothes. I put this rather foo foo (at least I thought it to be foo foo) blouse on and stood in front of the wife, wondering aloud if the shirt fit. She starts to laugh. I'm like, "what? Doesn't it fit? Is something wrong?" and she says, "I'm just not used to seeing you in things like that."

Great. Can't wait to hear what my friends have to say.

While in the stores, I try to remember things that Stacy and Clinton have said over the years. I know that:

• PLEATED PANTS ARE EVIL. They are the DEVIL. (If I get nothing else right, I will get this one correct. No pleats!)
• It's pant, not pants.
  
• You don't have to match everything head to toe in the same color; in fact, this is probably a bad idea all around.
  
• Get a nice business suit.
  
• Use a tailor as needed. (Where the hell do you find a tailor? How much is that gonna cost me to hem those pants? Sheesh!)
  
• Spend money on a few articles of really nice clothes (even if no one has handed you a credit card with $5000 on it).
• Dark jeans, fancier in nature than not, are good for those casual occasions...as long as they fit correctly and not worn in business settings of my new employer.
  
• T-shirts, gym shoes and sweatpants should not be worn in public except at the gym. (Not even during a trip to the local Wal-mart!)
  
• Your hand bag does not have to match your outfit exactly. (That is, if you carry a handbag.)

You get the idea.

I think all those gym shoes I own (of which I lust) will have to stay home and not go to the office. Besides, I can't wear trouser socks with gym shoes. (Can I?)

Some of you are saying, "Wait, wait, wait! A new job? What new job?"

And, I will tell you I don't have time for nonsense like talking about a new job when there are dress clothes to be had. Maybe later. Until then, donations to the "Save-the-Addi-Wardrobe- Fund" are gladly being accepted.....

......Unless, of course, you want to send money for a Madonna ticket, who by the way, has had her concert set list sneaked out by some naughty but resourceful tidbit. I have no idea if this is real or fake but it is fun to get a peek at what might be performed at the concert. It looks like she will once again be including "Las Isla Bonita" which she includes in EVERY concert and which I do NOT like. What is UP with her love of that song? If this set list is correct, she'll have a lot of "oldies" included in the show--we're talking old school, first album oldies. While I do not have a ticket, I have faith that I will have sooner than later and that I will be able to confirm or deny the validity of the leaked concert set list.

Let it be known that when I go to that concert, I will NOT be wearing a business suit or trouser socks.....