Just Desserts

Now that it's June, it's time for me to return to the doctor for a check of the ol' cholesterol level....last December or so, I was given 6 months to get my cholesterol numbers down or I'd be looking at medication. You would think a vegetarian would not have elevated cholesterol levels, but I am living proof that it is possible. I did great for awhile, even implemented my Jillian Michaels/Less-is-More intensive workouts; in fact, I am still working out at least 5 out of 7 days a week. In fact, here is a photo of what I now look like:



















Ha ha!

No, really, I am still working out lots. I think--if you look REALLY REALLY closely and if I stand in JUST the right way in JUST the right light and I SQUEEZE my stomach in a certain way--you can see that I now have ab muscles. Not exactly a six-pack but there is a teeny bit of definition there. While most of you would be thinking, "she's kidding, right?" I am here to say that it's the first time in my 46 years on the planet that I can make a statement such as that (meaning: oh my gosh, I almost have ab definition.)

No, I am not going to lift my shirt up and show you.

Back to the cholesterol. In addition to my Jillian torture routines, I was really worked on what I was eating.....

....then, I went on that cruise.

I'm not sure eating ice cream at EVERY meal qualifies as a cholesterol-lowering measure. (Nothing much qualifies as cholesterol-lowering on a cruise except for the wife's oatmeal and I was NOT wasting my time eating oatmeal.) Tasty, but bad for the heart. Today's consumption of a donut and bowl of ice cream is probably NOT going to do me any favors during tomorrow's cholesterol blood test. A donut! I haven't eaten a donut in months.


I eat a donut and then the doctor calls about lab work. Coincidence? I think not. What a cruel universe we live in! (Or, should I say what a cruel, cruller universe)

I've spent the afternoon trying to convince myself that all that working out has made a difference in my health and blood work and thus my exercising will have led to improved cholesterol levels, donut or not. Only time and the lab results will tell.

On a side note, I would like to add that I purchased Jillian Michael's "30 day shred DVD" this weekend. I have done the level one workout twice and I am here to tell you that my thighs have some words for Jillian and they are not thank you. I've been mixing it up a bit, but still on a beginner level for all intensive purposes. I do sweat a lot, so that should count for something (besides smelly clothes).

Since we're talking about unhealthy food products, I am drawn to an email recently sent to me by my 13 year old niece, who (much like her aunt) is baking- impaired. The wife and I have been laughing out loud about the various emails she has been sending since the arrival of summer vacation. (One email proclaimed that she loved how her new bowling ball smelled.) This week, she was assigned a mission to bake some brownies (which, by the way, if made with apple sauce & egg beaters, are really not that bad for your cholesterol), as evidenced by this email below. I did not edit it because the way it is written is exactly perfect. Niece DS Grrrl writes:

"I am NOT a baker! You need to remember that.

Ok, so my mom asked me to make brownies. I thought I could do that but it turns out I can't. This is what happened: I was trying to open the brownie mix and I couldn't find any siccers, sizzers, scizzers. (How do you spell sizzors????) I was opening the bag when all of a sudden KABOOM! The bag opened on the side which made about half the mix go all over the counter, in the sink and on the floor. (Eldest Sister cleaned up after me.) After that problem was fixed I went to put the mix in the pan but I forgot to greese it. (Eldest sister fixed that too!) When I was done putting the mix in the pan I realized that I forgot to preheat the oven. While I was waiting for the oven to heat up I was getting an oven mit out of the cabinet. I dropped it into the browines. What could possibly go wrong when I take them out of the oven? I can cook not bake.

There is a huge difference.

Even with all my screw ups my brownies are still pretty good.

Even though I forgot about them like twice."

She can't bake but she can tell a funny story. Definitely a relative of mine. The wife has forbidden me to bake. Really. I wrote back to my niece, "that's why they invented McDonald's Chocolate Chip cookies--so we don't have to bake."

Oh, man! I forgot about those. I've eaten a truckload of those puppies over the past few weeks and they are dripping in cholesterol.

Um, I can't write more--I have to go consume a vat of oatmeal and do seven hours of Jillian Michaels work-outs before tomorrow's lab work....