What the Beep

Yesterday, I came home for lunch and I heard a "beep." Not a loud beep but obnoxious, just the same. I yelled hello to the dogs but only one greeted me. Hmmmm. Lucy's there, doing her "hello-happy-dance," but there is no sign of Freckles.
Beep.
Another beep. What IS that? I call for Freckles several times and she finally slinks my way, tail so far under I can't even see it. Beep.
She piddles. Literally. Almost on my foot. I'm confused and don't know what the heck is going on. I look up toward the sound and realize it's the smoke detector on the second floor, in the hallway.
Beep.
Every thirty or so seconds it beeps. Poor Freckles. If this has been going on all morning, she must be close to a heart attack. I reassure her and try to give her a treat but she wants nothing of it. I decide to take matters into my own hand and get a ladder out of the garage. I then realize that the smoke detectors in our house are "hard wired;" meaning, they are electric and not battery operated. This means playing with live wires while home alone is probably not a good idea. It's not like the dogs can call for an ambulance.
Beep.
I am not deterred and get closer to the thing. Yup, this is where the sound is coming from. I go down to the fuse box or whatever they call it and take a gander. Everything is labeled but nothing says "fire" or "smoke detectors" or whatever. I go through each circuit, one by one, turning them off but every time...I wonder who the hell ever thought to hard wire smoke detectors? Stupid!
Beep.
Nope, not that one. Not that one. Not that one. Now, I am thinking this hard wire set-up is even more stupid. I finally decide the only answer to be: call my sister as she is married to a fireman.
His advice was simple: take the cover off the beeping detector, replace it with another and then see if it beeps.
Beep.
I also called the wife and knew she would soon be home to help with this enigmatic situation. While waiting for her, I look at the circuit box and realize the only way I'll get this thing to turn off is to turn off the main breaker. All. Electricity. Off. I shrug my shoulders and throw the switch.
Beep.
The wife enters, Freckles is peeing, the beep keeps on beeping. I am fighting to get the cover off when the wife gets home. She, of course, gets the thing right off, while I was unable to get it even to budge.
Beep.
DAMN! It's still beeping, even though the wife is holding the smoke detector in her hand AND the power in the entire house is off.....

Wait a minute, how can that be? It's not connected....I yell at the wife, "PUT IT UNDER A PILLOW!" For some reason, she does it-she puts the disconnected alarm under a pillow.
Beep.
We look at each other, quite confused. The sound is still in the hallway but nothing is attached. Suddenly, it dawns on me. I look a little lower and take a gander at the carbon monoxide alarm. The display says ERROR and is blinking. I wait, wait, wait......
Beep.
It's the damned carbon monoxide alarm, not the hard wired smoke detectors...

So much for two master's degrees.

I RIPPED that puppy right off the wall and threw it right away.

P.S. Hasta la vista, Marlee and Mambo King. Can I be honest? I didn't watch this week's elimination episode of Dancing with the Stars as I knew what the outcome would be. I couldn't bear the pain.....I am sad to say my grrrrl was voted off but it had to be. I must say it is kind of stinky that Marlee was voted off during the week of the Mambo, as her partner is literally the Mambo King of the world. (TV Magpies and the wife are dancing as this means their picks for top dancer are still alive and mine is out of contention. Sigh.)

Beep.