Xena-fied at the Convention

I touched Lucy Lawless' boob.

Well, actually her boob touched me, but it's all the same in the end.

It happened during the photo shoot. There I was, ready for my fifteen seconds of fame with Lucy. I wasn't vomiting or shooting shit or dizzy or anything. For some reason, I was strangely calm. I walk over to Lucy, as directed by the uber-nazi convention staff. Lucy gives me this big hug--I kid you not--a real hug, not some wimpy straight girl hug, and says "Hello Sweetie!" She then accidentally touched my hair (right side, above the ear, but who was paying attention?) and she says, "Oh! Don't want to flatten your spikes!" She then laughs, faces the camera, smooshes her head down toward mine (she IS taller than me, after all), strikes a pose (in those leather chaps) and I put my arm around her (just like the uber-nazi would like) and then it happens: her left boob touches me.

Um, I don't remember having the photo taken but I'm sure it will be fine. I just hope I was looking at the camera and not her chest.

(Dearest blog reader: I adore you. I really do. But this blog is going to be all about ME. ME AND LUCY. You are SO going Xena-fied by the end of this you won’t know what to do with yourself. Indulge me with this dissertation on the Warrior Princess’ convention.)

Back to the beginning, before the boob touch: Our journey to heaven began in the wee hours of the morning, with Argo Warrior Princess arriving via Xeus (a mother or a Toyota Tundra), sword in hand. I’m not kidding about this—she has a real, live collectable Xena sword. Incredibly, Argo had her nails done for this occasion—possibly the first time she has ever done this in her forty-something years of life. We loaded the car and went off into the sunrise, with Xena seated on the dashboard for good luck.

We arrived early at the convention, only to find our hotel is in the landing pattern of O’Hare. I mean, REALLY REALLY in the landing pattern—I can basically kiss the people on the plane as they go buy. This is heaven to me, as I grew up in the landing pattern of O’Hare and thus this is truly like a homecoming for me. Interestingly enough (to me, anyways), we are directly across the street from “Café La Cave,” the restaurant where I ate my homecoming dinner (in 1979). Long story. But, who has time for hotel thoughts when there are Xena moments to be had? We incredibly got a room by 10 AM by schmoozing the front counter grrrl. Is this a great convention or what?

Once in the hotel, it wasn’t hard to find where to go—um, let’s just say that the Gold ticket crowd is made of approximately 90% lesbians (the other ten percent appear to be lost souls from the Star Trek convention down the hall) and thus finding the convention area was relatively blatant. This was quite entertaining—I’ve never seen so many spiked mullets in years—truly, “Dykes are Us.” Argo and I look positively feminine around this crowd (no offense to anyone in attendance--but girls, lose the mullets!). We joined the pack of grrrls, waiting in line to get our “Gold Pass Wristbands” (SPARKLY PURPLE!!--see photo above) and have breakfast with the stars.

Argo and I stacked our plates with all sorts of tasty tidbits at the Gold Ticket Breakfast with the Stars, ever mindful that we might not see food again for many hours. As we ate, we craned our necks in an effort to watch the stars enter the room. Steve Sears, one of the major writers for the series, entered first. He snarfed down his breakfast and then went table to table, visiting with all us gold pass nerds. Steve was so friendly and approachable it was almost unbelievable. Next came Adrienne Wilkinson, the actor who played Livia and Eve on the show. She, too, joined our table and posed for photos. She was so normal and wonderful that I wanted to weep. Both let us take oodles of photos of them.

Then enters Joxer the Mighty, Ted Raimi. Ted has his uber-nazi lady guard, who none-so-politely told me that I was NOT to take photos of Ted. Damn! This did not make my gold-pass heart warm. Ted came over and sat down at our table. Argo got him good with her quick wit and all he could basically could do was acqueise--touche! (I am so proud to know her. You're a god when you can one-up a famous comedian.) As he sat talking to us, Ted picked up a half-drunken glass of orange juice, made a funny comment about it, put it back down. Needless to say, the young man (one of like two guys in the place) seated at our table picked up the glass and literally put it in his backpack! Now, THAT’S a true stalker! I have photos to prove this actually happened. See above--that's the glass! I was rather irritated about not getting Ted's photo but Argo made it all okay when we decided to get our photo taken with him tomorrow (for an additional fee, of course).

The rest of the day was a blur. Joe LoDuca came on stage and started talking, only to be joined by Lucy within minutes (using the stage name Chewy--just go with it). She sang a song from "The Bitter Suite" while he played the guitar. Then, she says something about needing a little help from a friend (to sing the Beatles song of the same name) and out pops Renee O'Connor on the stage. She's singing, Lucy's singing, Joe is strumming and I am swearing at my camera as it can't take very good photos, even tho I am in the fourth row. I decide to screw taking photos and just stay in the moment. I figure I can get photos from other people in the crowd.

I am here to tell you: Lucy and Renee are absolutely, positively hysterical. I mean pee-in-your-pants funny. They told hilarious stories, both about the series and about life in general. Lucy is all about her new singing career, so there was much banter about that. Lucy's story about "laced" brownies was absolutely snort-worthy. They seem to genuinely enjoy spending time with each other and they were spectacular with the fans. .....and they are two of the most gracious people on the planet. No big headed stars here...

......And, embrace all those queers they did! They obviously know who there fan base is....well, 90% of them, anyway. It was a very empowering adventure, to say the least.

Lucy left the stage and Renee took over the show. She wandered into the crowd, which I found very wonderful of her. I mean, I could have been spit on by her when she was talking--that's how close she was. I reflected on how the price of the Gold Ticket was actually worth it.

Once Renee left the stage, Argo and I raced to get our photos taken professionally with Lucy. You've already read how that went. I can't believe how approachable and genuine and down to earth Lucy is. You could tell she was having a great time--not as great a time as me, but close.

The rest of the day was filled with spending money (what else?), watching Xena bloopers, attending an auction and listening to fans talking about their interaction with Lucy during the photo shoot. One fan whom we met at breakfast (she sat next to Argo--a decidedly normal looking lady from Dearborn, Michigan, definitely not matching most of the crowd in her looks or demeanor) had a tear in her eye. She came over to me, sat down and said, "I have to tell you about my incredible interaction with Lucy." She then talked about her experience--Lucy had stopped right in the photo shoot and commented on how beautiful this lady's eyes are (and, for the record, she does indeed have very beautiful eyes). The lady was overwhelmed by this--understandably so (although I would rather have a Lucy Boob Touch than be told my eyes are beautiful but I'm shallow). Thus, she wandered through the rest of the convention activities with tear-filled eyes.

Now, it's time for bed. It's an exhausting day, all this oogling, smiling and laughing. There is so much more to look forward to tomorrow. Can't wait to show you all the photos....can't write any more right now--I have to go to sleep and dream of Lucy's left boob.....