Xena meets the Pleurisy Pounds
OH...

......MY......

....................GOD!!!!!

I am going to have my photo taken with Lucy Lawless!!!!

Now, to you not of the Xena cult, this may not sound like a big deal. To me, the professional Xena stalker, this as close to an out-of body experience I'm ever going to have.

It's all the fault of Argo Warrior Princess, co-queen of the upcoming Xena convention in Chicago. See, Argo WP aptly determined that the opportunity to meet Lucy in person and have Lucy shake your hand, put her arm around you, smile into a camera while her arm is around you is the way to go--after all, she said, this IS a once in a life time opportunity. I had originally poo-pooed the idea pf spending another pile of money to have a photo op with Lucy Lawless after the sucking of my money via the tie-rod fiasco. Argo decided that I would have to have this experience and thus offered to pay for my photo opportunity.

I wet myself when I got her email indicating this.

She's right, of course. It IS a once in a lifetime thing and we ARE already going to be there and WHEN opportunity knocks, you SHOULD open the damn door.

I decide that I will bite the bullet and pay for my photo, despite this most generous offer. I waited about ten milli-seconds and then hopped on the web, securing us two photos with Lucy.

This is getting to be as costly as those Madonna concerts in June 2006.

My new hesitation is this: a Pile of Pleurisy pounds plus ten pounds added on by the camera equals one damn shame. So, not only do I have to worry about what the heck I am going to wear and what I am going to do with my hair and how I am ever not going to blink or make some stupid face...I have to worry about Lucy meeting my Pleurisy Pounds.

Okay, so it's only 15 seconds of fame (literally--you get to walk up, shake hands, pose, shake hands, walk away), but it's 15 seconds of GLORIOUS fame and thus I must look my best. I don't have time to lose the pleurisy pounds, so I'm going to have to go with fashion camouflage. The company taking the photos suggest not wearing white, as it doesn't photograph well, but they didn't say anything about black. I'm afraid I'll fade into the background if I wear all black (well, you'd be able to see my hair and my face but that's about it) but I look pretty good in black and black is a slimming color and I certainly wouldn't clash with Lucy if wearing black, as how can black clash with anything and if I fade into the background wouldn't that look slimming in a big way?

There is only one answer: I am going to have to go shopping for something new to wear for this momentous occasion.

(Screw Dave Ramsey. I have no time to pay bills when I have photo ops to prepare for. My bills can wait, can't they? Dave, I promise I'll get back on the ball as soon as Lucy leaves town. I can still be debt free by January 31, 2008 if I don't eat through the end of the year...)

You know what's going to happen when it comes my turn to have my photo taken with Lucy, don't you? I am going to be unable to create a coherent sentence, I won't be able to choke out my name, I'll pee on myself, my Pleurisy Pounds will be gawked at by Lucy, I'll have the photo taken and then I'll pass out.

I will CERTAINLY get my money's worth if all that happens.

(I better let Argo WP get her picture taken first. After all, why would she want to stand in my pee and what if Lucy stops having any further photos after said pee has been excreted out of my urethra?)

I am open to suggestions/consultation regarding wardrobe options. No leather, no Xena costumes, no white. Otherwise, I'm game. Of course, I'll need new shoes, too--who can buy new clothes without new shoes? And, if I'm going to pee on myself, I might as well pee on new shoes, right?

Right.