Sugar-coated Ramblings

T-minus one week until the new four-legged furry friends arrive. Foster mom has sent a few photos and some updated information. From the description, it sounds like the fluffy white pup (now to be known as Rosita) is getting herself into all sorts of mischief, while the scrawny little brown Texas street dog (now known as Bandido) is helping herself to the furniture but otherwise laying low. It appears Rosita likes to swim in her water dish. Can't wait for the wife to see that. Foster mom continues to cook dinner every night for these four-footed friend. Since we don't even cook dinner every night for ourselves, this shall be a new adventure. We can't change their food upon their arrival--they'll already be traumatized enough. So, home-made chicken and veggies it will be. We await the recipe. You know, the wife might want to join them in the home-made chicken and green peas concoction. It's people food, after all.

(Please, baby Jesus, tell me that foster mom has stopped letting them sleep in the bed. Puh-leeeeeease!)

The dogs will serve handsomely as a major distraction from the nightly news. I try to avoid the news but posts show up in my news feed and the wife is forever alerting me that another awful event has occurred. I try not to waste my breath or brain cells on 45. But, in this case I must comment: "Both sides, my ass. You are a bigoted buffoon who embraces--oozes--white, hate-fueled privilege and who is going to get us blown off the map one of these days. I spit on your golf shoes."

Oh, how I pine for the kinder, gentler days.

On the home front, the wife is on the mend, thanks to meds, physical therapy, myofacial work, rest and positive thinking. I'm glad to see improvement as the school year is just about to start and you don't want your professor to be in pain. Personally, I prefer she not be in pain by the time the dogs arrive as that blessed event will most likely not be conducive to her healing--it will be stress inducing, to say the least.

As for me, I suffered an injury while taking a nap yesterday. (I'm not sure which is more mortifying--admitting to taking a nap on such a beautiful day or injuring myself while taking said nap.) I must've been laying on my arm in some weird, contorted manner. Today, my arm is quite achy and useless and I have a giant knot in my shoulder/back/chicken wing. It won't stop me from eating ice cream or an ear of corn today at the county fair, though. I may be achy but I won't be deterred--one must have priorities, take one for the team. Besides, you only need one arm to eat food.

I love going to the county fair, although there aren't many options for a gluten-free vegetarian. That's why I stick to ice cream and corn on the cob. I'd love to smother myself in powder sugar as snarfing down a funnel cake, but that's a gluten nightmare and thus I step away. Cream puffs and homemade donuts are definitely off the menu. At least I'm not sugar-free or dairy-free... one must keep some vices.

Speaking of sugar, yesterday the wife and I had a health screening done--you know, the simple blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar kind of screening. I am pleased to announce that my blood sugar was better than hers, not that we were competing. (Okay, so maybe I was feeling a bit competitive.) I'm always entertained that my blood sugar is perfect, even though I am completely addicted to sugar and always assume it will be off the charts. I was born to eat sugar. My cholesterol ratio was beautiful and my blood pressure was just fine (it's been running high these days--well, at least according to the blood pressure cuff at work).

I believe that my love of ice cream and Dove Dark Chocolate have served me well. 

A new employee tried to convince me this week that there are plenty of dairy-free "ice cream" options in the world. I think she thought I was a vegan and thus was passing on this information. Well, I am NOT a vegan. I refuse to worry about hidden butter in home-cooked meals or when going out to a restaurant or when eating ice cream or when being treated to a delicious meal at a dinner party.

Life is WAY too short to be a gluten-free, dairy-free vegetarian. Bring me real ice cream and screw that fake stuff. I embrace my sugar-coated way of being; I thank the gods of Butter for their glory; I pay homage to the cheese on my gluten-free-crusted pizza. Put some M&Ms on that pizza and in my ice cream. Vegan, my ass.

I've loaded the freezer with some milk-and-sugar-blessed Dove Dark Chocolate so I can keep my sugar level on course upon arrival of our rescues. I'll secure the wife a stash of carbs so she can drown her sorrows in potato chips, potatoes in general and bread. I'll get us several gallons of water and a case of canned food in case of nuclear meltdown.

Stay tuned for photos of the Gotcha Day. It's next Saturday. Until then, stay away from the news. Stay away from vegans. Stay away from dairy-free ice cream. Make sure to get some fair food before the fair season is over. Pray the dogs no longer sleep in the bed. Pray we learn how to make meals suitable for our rescued party pups.

T-minus one week. What a glorious day it will be.