Do you chat with a snap? I had some youngsters ask me if they could send me some snaps. I laughed and told them I'm too old to snap--that's why I'm on Facebook, not Snapchat. I told them I would fire up my "old" chatty account (one I had opened back when Snapchat originally started) so they could snap away.
Let me be clear: I have NO idea how to snap. I think I might have accidentally sent these fine young humans some ugly videos of which I never meant to send. (Okay people--videos of me with doe eyes and rainbow vomit. I was trying out a filter. Nothing more than horrific and stupid. Don't get all weird on me.)
I did see what they snapped but I'm not exactly sure what I snapped back. Why? Because after so many seconds things disappear. Well, kind of disappear. I'm sure there is some way to save things or whatnot but I have no idea how that might be or how that might work.
I'll leave the snapping to the young folk. I'm gonna stick with lame memes and recipe posts of Facebook.
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The following diddy may not be the faint of heart. It involves the piercing of flesh. You be the judge.
For some reason or another--none of which I can currently identify--I decided to get my ears re-pierced. I already have all the "original" holes from piercings in the olden days, so why not use what I've got? I've got earrings I can't wear because all my piercings have closed....
The illustration here shows what I did NOT do. No wild rook or industrial piercings for me. I stuck with the tried-and-true "this is what I did in the 1980's" piercings. I put this illustration here because I think it's really wild how all sorts of ear locations are now being pierced. Say what you will, I love it. It's just not for my ever-growing ears.
A tangent: you know, all those ear piercings must have acupuncturists freaking out. I mean, there are a lot of acupuncture points on an ear. Reflexologists probably feel the same way. Of course, some people are getting specific parts of their ears pierced exactly for this reason--a trend seems to be getting one part of the ear pierced to help with migraines. That probably helps soothe acupuncture fans.
Here's an example of the ear acupuncture points. See what I mean? All those piercings ripping right through some important points. Ear piercing trend = acupuncture hell.
So, I chose a shop by both recommendation and by on-line review. One of my tattoos is from there, so why not? I wave adios to the wife and head to the shop. When I got there, it was pretty quiet. Surprisingly (to me), Madonna was singing when I walked in. I've never been to a tattoo shop where Madonna was on the play list, so I took this as a sign I had chosen wisely. I only see two workers, which I find strange, as this should be a busy place on a Saturday afternoon. No matter. The guy comes out and asks me how he can help. I tell him I am there to get my ears re-pierced. He acknowledges this, indicates "we'll" (whoever we'll is) be with me and then goes back to the tattoo is he working on. After looking around the shop, I sit down and get comfy.
Twenty minutes later, I'm still sitting there and my ears are not re-pierced. Funny how when really cute, young girls walked in, the guy was super-attentive and all about customer service. Me? Not so much. I'm not cute or young. I decide this is not the place to be and thus I walked out without a word.
I'm sure he lost lots of sleep over this.
I go to the next shop--again, a place of which I've gotten a tattoo--and ask about getting my ears re-pierced. This place is empty, too. What on earth is going on when tattoo shops are empty on Saturday afternoons? She says is free to re-pierce my ears but explains she doesn't have "that many" matching earrings. I don't care if they match but when she shows me what she has, I realize this is not going to work in any capacity--if I wanted my belly button or tongue pierced, I would have been in business. She tells me if I have some earrings at home, I should bring them in and she can easily re-pierce my ears. I thank her for her time and leave, ears still un-re-pierced.
It is at this point that I realize I am going to re-pierce my own ears. Screw this driving around town. Screw young people who have no respect for old people ear lobes. I'll show you. I'll save money and time.
As I'm driving home, I devise a game plan. I'll dig out some of the old posts earned when getting my ears pierced back in the 1980's (yes, I still have them) and SHOVE those puppies right through the existing-now-closed holes. I considered using the old "ice numb and potato behind the ear" method some of my friends used back in the day, but quickly realize we probably don't have any potatoes at home and figure I don't care to have ice cubes melting down my neck. Nope. I'm just going to do it.
The wife, realizing what I am about to do, makes it quite clear she wants NOTHING to do with this. Nothing. She reiterates she is not going to help me. What a chicken.
I gather my supplies--posts, alcohol (the cleaning kind, not the drinking kind) and wipes--and head to the bathroom. I am ready. My ears are ready. The wife is ready, albeit it far, far away. I "sterilize" the posts and ear lobes by generously dousing said items in alcohol. I close the sink drain thing, lest the earrings all go rolling down the drain. I take a deep breath and begin the procedure.
I decided to pierce four earring holes on the left side and one on the right. How I came to this decision, I do not know. It just made sense to me. Call it a numbers thing. Or, maybe it's because I had five earrings at my disposal. Although I could have done four and three, I did four and one.
Looking at my left ear, I considered if I should work front to back or back to front. For the record, I decided on back to front.
Starting with "Left hole #4" (which thus became re-pierce #1), I took that post, lined it up and SHOVED it through my ear. SHOVED.
Did I mention that I SHOVED it through my ear?
Oh dear god, it hurt like hell. I suppose it should hurt--after all, I just took a dull implement and shoving it through my ear lobe. Despite the pain, I was felt gloriously triumphant, as re-pierce #1 was a complete success. I put the backing on the earring and moved on to "Left hole #3/re-piercing #2.
Re-piercing #2 didn't go as swimmingly as re-piercing #1 and thus I ended up bleeding. A lot. I'm not sure where I went amiss but I decided to give that one a bit of time and then moved on to re- piercing #3 and #4. Thankfully, those went without a hitch and thus I returned to #2. After a LOT of bleeding and shoving and swearing and wooziness (with emphasis on swearing), I got #2 re-pierced. Bloody and angry red and now swollen but pierced.
The right side, with only one re-piercing to be had, did NOT cooperate. I'll save you the details but I ended up asking the wife for help, despite her insistence she would NOT be helping me.
Me: Come on! I can't see the back of my ear. Just tell me if I'm lined up with the old hole.
The wife: I told you, I am not helping you!
Me: You don't have to do anything. Just look! I need to know if I'm in the right spot.
The wife: I don't want to be doing this.
Me: Just look!
The wife: (not wearing her reading glasses, so she is of limited help) there is no hole back here.
Me: There HAS to be!
The wife: No, there is not a hole.
Me: Can you see where the earring is poking?
The wife: Yes, but I'm telling you there isn't a hole.
Insert some arguing here, along with repeated "I told you I don't want to be any part of this" statements. The wife left the bathroom--agitated and grossed out.
Long story short...I was unsuccessful.
This pissed me off. I didn't want to go back to a tattoo shop but I wanted that stupid ear pierced. I announced we were going to the mall. Yes, the mall. Yes, the place with the ear piercing gun. The method of which I had originally poo-poo'd. The mall on a Saturday night.
I am pleased to report that the earring-gunned-is-she-12 years-old-employee had a VERY hard time re-piercing my ear. She, in her youthful ignorance, had been all sorts of confident when I asked her if she could re-pierce my ear in the exact spot it had originally been pierced. She looked a whole lot less confident when her first attempt failed miserably, as the earring didn't fully through the skin and thus didn't emerge out the "back end." Seems my scar tissue had better ideas than being re-pierced. I thought I was going to have to talk her through it but she got her courage back and gave it another shot (literally and figuratively).
I now have a pierced right ear. It was worth the trip to the mall as obviously I would never have been able to do it myself. I'll spare you the details of the crunching sound involved with achieving success.....
I look ridiculous with old-school posts in but I'm not taking them out until everything fully heals. By then, I'll have had time to buy some earrings worth wearing.
Today, I have a hair appointment. I'm sure my old-school posts with be up for discussion. I'll tell her to respect her elder and to focus on my hair. I thought about taking them out for the hair appointment but then thought better. There is no way in hell I am re-re-piercing anything. She can deal with my tacky posts. Because I'm nice, I'll clean them this morning before I leave for work. Beyond that, she'll just have to deal with it.
It's Thursday. Not Friday. It's a great day. It's a hair cut day. It's a "my ears are pierced and I rock" day. It's a "how the hell do you send a snap?" kind of day. Maybe I'll snap a few photos of my ears to some young people.....
Admire my ears. Admire my bravery. Admire my stupidity. Are you sure it's not Friday?
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Happy Easter and/or Happy Passover and/or Happy Spring to all.
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