Gobble Squared

The day has come....

It's the morn of Thanksgiving. The wife has an entire field of sweet potatoes in the oven, the Christmas music is playing and strong political rantings have slowed a wee bit on social media, replaced by suggestions of how to survive the holiday without your family imploding.

It is the calm before the storm.

The weather is appropriate for the time of year: cold but not frigid, cloudy but not precipitating.  I pray this is indicative of what will brew at the dinner table...appropriate, not too cold, not icy.

A perfect distraction showed up yesterday morning: This year's representative of the Evil Elves arrived in the Addiverse, this time donned in red (as opposed to last year's green). I fear what plans he has for us this year....

I have asked him NOT to show up at the dinner table today but he could not make me any guarantees. At least he's not wearing an "I'm with Her" t-shirt...yet. If he shows up at that dinner table in a nasty outfit or yells out anything about all the hombres at the table, all bets are off.

It's a great and a lousy time of year to be gluten free vegetarian. Great because there are so many side dishes that rise to the level of being a main course. Lousy because gluten seems to find its way into some of those most tasty products. Let's not even talk about pie. Damn pie crusts. No one is making gluten free pie crust where I am going. I'll have to settle for whipped cream on a spoon.... not that that's necessarily a bad thing.

Mashed potatoes, corn, broccoli-something-something, the wife's sweet potatoes remain excellent options. It's a carbo nightmare of which I gladly embrace. Stuffing, green bean casserole and biscuits, step back from thee. I thought about bringing along my own gluten-free bread products but thought that a bit much. After all, I'll have enough carbs without it.

My list of things of which to be grateful is long, as it always tends to be. I speak not of these things when the wife's family begins their three hour sob fest. I stick to smile, nodding and dissociating. I pray to the gods above that this year's gratitude event is canceled, lest someone start professing their love for a certain man of which should not be discussed in mixed company.

I am loved. I have family. I have friends. I am safe and warm. I am employed. I am healthy. I have abundance. I am afforded things of which might be taken for granted and of which too many people do not have--such as clean air and clean water and white privilege.

I have chocolate. I am bed-bug free. I am a Cubs fan.

I have an elf.

If things go south today during dinner or the sob fest, I'll go "Live" on Facebook, so keep your social media close.  I'm charging my phone. I'm cleaning the camera lens. I'll have the app open, just in case. I wouldn't want you to miss a single minute of any melee that might ensue.

Actually, I don't think anything is going to happen today with the in-laws. I think it will be much the same, only with a few more eggshells of which to tip toe around. I anticipate everyone being on their best bipartisan behavior.

I wish you the warmest of Holiday blessings. May the stuffing be plentiful. May the gravy be lump free. May access to pumpkin/pecan/apple pie be unlimited. May your dinner mates be well behaved. May your elf remain silently on the shelf.

Gobble gobble, indeed.