Meet the Work Children

I've been conferencing, so I've been away from real life for a few days. I am rather irritated by this, as it cuts into my social life, blogging time and general way of being. The commute time is the biggest "sucker of time" culprit, being that it's two hours there and then, of course, two hours back. (I do NOT know how people who commute to/from work on a daily basis do such a thing.) The three of us (two fabulous co-workers and moi) because they are young and don't have cash to be throwing at hotels. One has small children at home, so I think he's been gently "told" he will come home to address the children, as needed. Usually, I would sketch, doodle, play games on my phone, et cetera but this conference does not lend itself to that. Everyone can see what you're doing when you are not sitting in the back (we're not) and when the break out sessions are in small rooms. Today, I will try and doodle so I can put some quick sketches in my next blog. I think I shall entitle it "Survival When Conferencing."

The two people I am commuting with --and by the way, we are traveling to/from in my two door Honda Civic, so that lends itself to some shits and giggles-- are my "work children." Now, many people have heard of having a "work wife," but as I've aged (gracefully, of course) and since my work wife no longer works at the agency, my peers seem to have gotten younger and thus I now have work children.

It's very convenient, therapeutic and helpful to have a work wife. If you aren't familiar with the concept, it's all the rage.  It's not sexual. It doesn't even matter the gender. A guy could be my work wife.

As a recent Buzzfeed article explains:
"...the one you know is going to psych you up right before your yearly review, let you vent openly about office frustrations, have the same reaction as you do when a co-worker says something ridiculous, and save some of the free food in the break room because you’re on a phone call when it’s set out. And even though it’s all platonic, there’s still an undeniable friend chemistry that makes your bond a little extra special."
 https://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/heres-why-work-husbands-work-wives-are-actually-the-best?utm_term=.pyLr46NGKg#.ml1Lzmre2K

My work wife was my "person," someone of whom I could bitch about anything about work, at work. Alas, she went to another job and thus I was left sad and lonely. You can't just "pick" a work wife. It's not like that. You have to develop a relationship first. I really missed my work wife. I had to keep all that workplace "stuff" inside me. I didn't have anyone with whom to gossip, bitch, or whine to once she left. I thought about finding a new mate, but like I said, the pool keeps getting younger. I need a peer, not a kid.....

....so, ended up finding some work children. I don't think is a "thing," but it's something that might catch on. You read it here first, folks.

My work children are just that--children. Well, okay--they are 31 and 32 years old.....ahem, that means despite them being in their 30's, they are young enough to be my actual children. Ouch. They are both very like me, not that they would admit that. I often think, "geez, that's something I would've done at their age and I chuckle at their youngster view of our workplace universe. I am entertained to no end. 

I've trained my children well. They give me respect; I give them grief. For Mother's Day, they gave me a card and named me, appropriately enough, "Ma-donna." (Clever children I have. Calling me Ma while respecting my beloved Madonna. They inherited my wit.) They are still a work in progress but I have faith that they will continue to sprout into fine human beings. 

It's a far cry from having a work wife but it is a great distraction at work. It's been great except for last week there was an "incident." My male work child (I have a boy and a girl), stopped in with his wife and children (his real ones). As he enters my office, he proudly announces:

"Your work grandchildren are here to see you!"

Oh dear Lord, I just about had a heart attack. Work grandchildren! I really like those kids but seriously, I just about swallowed my tongue. I was momentarily mortified until I realized that is....

....so possible. I am at an age of which this could be true. Reality is a cruel master.

I've have time to accept this truth, so all is back in balance in my work world. I try not to contemplate on this subject. I distract myself by thinking about still-no-Orioles, eating more chocolate, avoiding gluten-tainted foods and wondering WHY on earth I STILL get my stupid period on a regular basis. Grandmas are not supposed to do that. 

It's time for me to get showered and back into the car to travel to/from the conference with my kiddies. They are a captive audience so they must listen to their "mother" during the long commute. I can fill their heads with all sorts of work nonsense as part of the adventure. It's like legal torture. They cannot escape me. Although it's my car, I'm going to make my work son do the driving today. I'm gonna sit back and relax while he does the driving. That'll tickle him pink and it will make my commute just that much more enjoyable. I might get to like this work child thing almost as much as I like having a work wife....

Hmmm, I never thought about that. What if I get a new work wife? Will I still care about the work children? Will they feel slighted? What if they don't get along with their step-work-mom?

Maybe I'll ask them during the commute.... right after I ask how the work grandchildren are doing.