Saturday, April 16, 2016

Breaking Up with the Flatlands

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And now, for a (non-presidential-related) political message.

Dear Illinois,

I have been with you since birth. I have embraced you, loved you, given you all my time and money. I adore your big towns, small towns, soot and beauty. Illinois, you break my heart. I've defended you time and time again. I've stood by your side when teased by those I know outside the state, especially with those north of the cheddar curtain. I've joined the chuckles about our imprisoned governors. I've patiently listened to others make fun of our tollways (where DOES that money go, anyway?). I've defended you when corruption and greed is tossed around in conversation. I've tried not to scowl when the issue of not paying lottery winners their winnings.

You make a fool of me.

Still, here I am. In the flatlands. I'm a dedicated "Penny Head" through and through. I'm a FIB and I know it and I'm glad of it. I've been so proud to be yours since birth.

But, now--now, Illinois you have gone too far. I don't see how we can go on. I've lost my faith in you. Over and over and over you break my Chicago-style hot dog heart into pieces.

It's not that I don't still love you--I do. But, news that there a legislation being bantered around that wants to tax us for how many miles we drive is too much.  Too, too much.

You want to tax us for driving. Who the hell came up with that? Some mistress on crack cocaine? If I wanted to pay per mile, I'd be an over-the-road truck driver, not a citizen in this great state.
I pay my taxes. I pay my bills. And, this is how you repay me. Oh, you think it's okay because we can choose to pay a flat yearly fee instead of keeping track of all our miles. Sick bastard. You really have lost your mind.

You don't pay your bills. You rob from my friends' pensions. You punish the poor and disenfranchised. You take your pay but don't pay up. You watch with a callous eye as agencies close because you don't pay for work done, for services desperately needed. You act like a spoiled child, not willing to share a toy, not willing to talk, only willing to play nice in the sandbox. Spoiled, spoiled brat. We are a laughing stock. When compared to other states, we are last or near last in many categories. And, yet you insist you are great, worthy, right.

You spit on Lincoln. You realize that, don't you? This great man, whose face shines out from the penny and the five buck bill, is weeping because of you. Forget saving a penny. You take our pennies and tarnish them, steal them, lose them. Honest Abe is honest no more. He is broken, perhaps beyond repair. I don't even recognize him anymore.

How you can continue take a paycheck is beyond me. How you can sit and refuse to work is disgusting. I go to work, I pay my bills, I stand up for you. You give nothing in return except more demands, more heartache, more filth. You wouldn't stand for me to not pay my bills or refuse to work and then demand to get paid. What's good for the goose is certainly not good for the gander. Your actions--and, inaction...

I am not sure I can remain in your borders. Wisconsin is looking more and more attractive. Oh, nothing is perfect but at least I'll be able to drive there without having to pay per mile. I know they have a budget. I don't like their governor and I know the grass isn't fully greener.  The thought makes me a little bit sick inside. Still, I'm looking north, away from you and toward your sister to the north. I hear she pays her lotto winners and she doesn't tax for driving. She doesn't even ask for money via toll roads. She may have a bit of moldy cheese but cheese doesn't tarnish like a penny does.

Everyone loves cheese. There's talk of discontinuing the penny but there is no discussion of discontinuing cheese.

How can I stay with you? I can't stand up for you. I can't love you. I need to find love elsewhere. I need to break up with you, Flatlands. I know you won't miss me but I'll miss you. I hope those in the legislature grow up. I hope you pay your bills. I hope you get your act together. I wish you only the best of luck as I look to the north. Your loss, Illinois. Your loss.

I haven't left yet but I don't see how you can convince me to stay. I'm a broken-hearted penny head....but. I'll always be a Cubs fan. You can't take everything from me.
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