Letters to....

Dear Junior Centipede,
How dare you! How dare you run across my wall and then disappear before I can secure a napkin to squish you like....like...well, like a bug. How dare you come into my home, my sanctuary, my centipede-free zone. You know I hate your kind with a vengeance. You know I have nightmares about you. So, why are you here in my home, on my wall? Your kind is not welcome here. When I find you, and I WILL find you, you will know not what hit you. Stay away, billion-legged blur of yuckiness. You have been warned. The wife is not afraid of you, so be afraid. Be very afraid.With no love whatsoever, Addi
P.S. I refuse to believe your family lives here. I choose to think that you wandered in by accident. Or, that you are an orphan.

Dear Peri-menopausal Pooch,
What on earth are you doing down there? 
I am not entertained. Addi

Dearest re-added 50 friends on Book de la Face,
Welcome back to the Addiverse. I'm glad you re-upped our friendship. I'm not sure what inspired me to re-friend a herd of people on a Sunday evening, but I'm glad for your return...although I'm still a bit tentative about the flooding of posts that occurred upon your arrival. Please know that I had to detox from the 500 I dumped before I could consider whom to bring back. I foolishly thought cutting the team would help my life become more manageable. Instead, it just gave me more time to waste on Pinterest. I gained a lot of pins but missed a lot of posts. If it helps, please know you haven't missed anything on my part. I'm still all poop and no substance.
Sophomorically, Addi

Dear Persons Driving in the Left Lane,

I spit on you. Move over. Or, give me the name and phone number of the person who taught you to drive so I can slap him/her in the head. Perhaps you didn't get the memo: The left lane is for passing. I know, I know--you might have to move back to the left lane in 50 miles, so you don't want to move over. What if you can't get over in 50 miles? What then? I don't care. You are in my way. The speed limit is 70 mph. You're going 60 mph in the left lane. Isn't that against some law? If not, it is illegal in the Addiverse. I've got places to go, people to see. I'll pass you on the right.....as soon as I can get past this parade of boats, semis, U-Hauls and merging traffic. I'll be giving you the stink eye when I pass, so keep looking ahead.
Giving you a push, Addi

Dear Republican Party,
THANK YOU for the most entertaining primary in the history of our country. The entertainment value is OFF.THE.CHART. Not only are there scores of you running, you are all getting crushed by a TV personality-failed-business man who is saying so many insulting things that he has taken it to an art form. Perhaps he's a genius because he is slapping all of you around by double digits. I can't wait to see how this transpires. And I thought "She Who Must Not Be Named" was fun in 2012. This puts that to shame. As long as Scott Walker doesn't take the lead, I'll keep cheering for you. I'm hoping for something inspiring to happen because the fodder for this blog is building as you run.

Dear Monday,
I think I may be the only person on the planet who likes you. Please feel the love. You're not as bad as people say. I honor you by posting a blog on a Monday.
Let's get this party started, Addi