Skinned

Bad news, Addiverse visitors...it has finally happened. I took a gander at the list of top ten pop songs and I recognized NONE of them. I've dreaded this day for years and now it has come to fruition. Truly a sign of getting old and crusty. Thankfully, a second look at the list allowed me the satisfaction of knowing (but certainly not liking) one of the songs--it had a title of which I didn't recognize but then I figured out I did indeed know (and again, did not like).

Switching gears. Gravity is a cruel, cruel master. (Told you I'm switching gears. But, not really. It all ties in.) Yes, we need gravity to stay attached to this world but it's an ugly force when one looks at her....

....five decade old skin. Specifically: five decade old female skin.

(I have no idea about guy skin. That's for a different blog. I'll have to do some research.)

The other day, we were hanging out with a bunch of female friends who just happen to be a bit older than us (from a few years older to up to a decade older). As it's summer and as it was mighty hot, not many items of coverage were being employed. Tank tops and shorts were the fashion of the day.

Before I go further, I think it best to note that over the past few months I've been kind of freaked out about my skin. Specifically, how gravity really does a job on skin, especially as one ages. I'm not talking about freckles and crow's feet or age spots (although I am not a fan of the age spots in any capacity). I'm talking about gravity-destroyed skin stuff.

Don't even get me started on those cheesy wiblets. 

No one tells you about this issue when you're younger. Oh, they say things like, "stay out of the sun" or "don't get sunburned 'cause you'll get skin cancer." But, they don't say things like, "Your skin is gonna look like orange peels and cheesy wiblets, right down to your ankles, when you get older, so go ahead and fry in the sun." No one says, "it doesn't matter if you are skinny or not--gravity is going to have say about how your skin looks, so you might as well eat that third cookie." Everyone assumes those skinny bitches are going to have to worry about cheesy anything.

Well, I beg to differ. Skinny bitches of my relative age sing the same song as everyone else. Gravity is the master in this domain.

I am a normal size and I'm in good health but my thighs are screaming YOU ARE 53! I do not know when this cheesy wiblet thing fully took over but it is here and now, and my legs now suggest my true age. Forget the little jowls or changing face. That stuff is the stuff of real lie. But, this leg thing. Sheesh.

Back to the friends. I admit that I spent more time staring at their skin than I did staring at the beauty of nature surrounding us. We all have "gravity has screwed our skin" sagging, lumpy, wrinkly look. Even the skinniest of the bunch--and, she is definitely underweight for her height--had the cheesy wiblet-marked-gravity-ruined skin-on-thighs.

I was secretly very pleased by this. Don't tell anyone. Eh, they don't read my blog so I'll say what I want. That's what they get for not reading my blog.

There was sagging skin from all sorts of places....back of arms were waving to me, sunny-in-Cleveland skin was wrinklier than an un-ironed linen shirt, throat wobblers were wobbling more than I remember from the past...and, sagging from the back of the knees! How is this even possible?!! Most of them had nice, smooth, unblemished-by-the-sun skin...but, all sported gravity-tainted skin. I had no idea this gravity-pocked-wiblet-thigh-and-moving-south thing would happen. Oh sure, I've seen the skin of those around me but I've never really paid attention to what was happening until I noticed the issue on my legs. (Yes, while sitting on the toilet. That's when I really noticed.)

I've decided that unless you are eating some raw-food diet, working out 7 hours a day, 7 days a week AND have a good surgeon, your skin is gonna look like my skin.

Or, at least something like mine. I suppose you'll have to eat a lot of sugar in order to do a fair comparison.

(Actually, I'm not even sure if eating a raw diet and running daily marathons would help. I've seen some mighty-healthy female runners wobble with the best of them.)

I thought about getting into better shape but that sounded tiring. 

I don't know if this is an American thing or a global female thing. Only middle-class, Midwestern American females were in view, so this is a very small sampling of lumpy thighs. I'll have to expand my worldly view before I can speak on that.

Later today, we are going out with a different group of friends--same kind of age group, same kind of deal (hot weather, not a lot of clothing). I'll be able to scope out what gravity has--or, has not done--to their skinned-covered beings. I'm guessing this lot is a bit healthier, but they will also represent those who spent a LOT of time in the sun, decades on end. I'll be looking at them instead of the scenery.

I hope they don't think I'm some pervert. I'm not. I'm doing scientific research.

Or, maybe I'm doing therapy. I sure did feel a whole lot better after spying that last group of friends' gravity-based skin. Cheap therapy. Self Therapy.

I feel better already. Bring on the swimsuit.