This has a happy ending, so don't get put off by the beginning of this blog. I have to give you a little background before putting my vulnerable self out there. I'm sweating while thinking about this.
Every year, we join the wife's family in the Cheddarlands to celebrate Thanksgiving. This is a very good thing as they make everything from scratch and they like to watch football. (Okay, so LIKE isn't a strong enough word--they LIVE for football of the Cheesehead kind). And, every year after dinner, they sit in a circle and one by one say what they are grateful for. They used to do it before dinner but with the addition of spouses and children to the family, it started taking too long, so they moved it to after dinner but before dessert. It's a sob fest, with everyone but me blubbering and making snot and crying so hard that they can't even speak. This traditionally goes on for a minimum of one hour and a record of three hours. They pour their souls out, gasping for air as they profess their gratitude for everything. That is a good thing, too, if you can get pass the crying. These are truly grateful people who love each other dearly.
Then, there is me.
I don't cry during this event. I barely even tear up during the "toughest" of thankfulness. I sit there and wait my turn. I put my game face on and steel myself for whatever they might say. I keep my smile on my face because it is touching to hear everyone express their thanks. I then say, "I'm really grateful to be here."
With that, I pass my turn.
Every year, I say the same thing....because I can't say what I REALLY want to say.
In the earlier years, I couldn't say much of anything meaningful because there was a silent agreement that the wife and I would not speak as a couple. Heck, it took me 16 years to get invited to one of the holiday gatherings, so I wasn't gonna blow it with a litany of thanks for the wife. Out of respect to her parents, I bit my tongue and said nothing about us or the wife. I guess that where the "I'm really grateful to be here" started, as I was truly grateful to finally be there and I knew I couldn't say anything more lest I upset the family in one way or another. This was pretty easy in the beginning as only a few of the siblings had partners of any kind and there were no kids. I'm not a very demonstrative person, anyway, so biting my tongue didn't lead to bleeding from the mouth or anything.
Then, the siblings got spouses and they started spewing love for their partners. They look lovingly into each others eyes, sobbing as they spilled out gratitude & love. I had to bite a little harder and say, "I'm really grateful to be here." I think I started saying how happy I was about the dogs and having a good job, just to mix it up a bit.
Finally, the wife's family came around and decided I wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't so bad and I wasn't trying to recruit anyone and that I really wasn't a heathen sinner and that I was pretty amusing....but, then came the children. Lots of children. Lots of children who know nothing of who the wife is to me and who I am to the wife. (You'd think by now someone would be saying, "who is Aunty Addi and who does she belong to? Why does she keep showing up at these events?") They know I come with the wife to all family functions but there has been nary a question. So, with the kids in the circle and out of respect to their parents, I'm back to saying, "I'm really grateful to be here."
Well, I've decided that this year I will say what I want to say. Kind of. In this blog.
Okay, this is a blog, so that's not very romantic or personal. There is only so vulnerable you can make yourself in a blog. There is only so much that can be written without getting ridiculous. Nonetheless, I'm going to blog my gratitude right here and now, then I'll hand it to the wife. At least that way she will know what I would say if I could/would/should.
I am grateful for the wife for more reasons I can count and more than I can express in a blog.
I am thankful that the wife keeps me grounded while letting me reach for the stars.
She trusts me with all her being.
She tells it like it is.
The wife puts up with my fingerprints on the microwave,
my piles on the kitchen table,
my twangy country music while riding in the car,
my desire to stay home at night instead of going out,
the addition of yet another tattoo,
the purchase of yet another Xena item.
I can tell her anything.
I can be myself, be whom I want and need to be.
I trust her with all my being.
I am thankful for all she's taught me,
For all she's given me,
For all she's said to me.
For all she hasn't said to me!
I am glad we are opposites so we can balance each other.
The wife puts up with my dirty car,
my failure to finish doing my laundry,
my love of Beef-a-Roo and Panera,
my independence and impaired ability to stay on task,
my inability to cheer for one specific football team.
I like that I think of her when listening to my twangy country music.
I am amazed at what a hard, dedicated worker she is.
I appreciate that she worries and frets about this or that,
because she actually cares about things,
about doing a good job,
about being a good person,
about being a good employee and a fine partner.
I am amused by her need to buy everything on sale,
refusing to buy things at full price.
I am secretly touched that she cries
during TV commercials.
I am thankful that we can get mad at each other and be okay with that and then fix whatever we're mad about.
I'm glad we don't get mad at each other very often--we bicker. Call us the Bickersons.
I'm thankful for the growth we have enjoyed.
I'm glad she's just smiles and nods when I buy tickets to yet another Madonna concert.
I'm excited she finally acquiesed and let me get dogs.
I'm thankful that she finds my need for new license plates every year
to be a waste of money but still doesn't give me a hard time about it.
Mostly, I am glad that I will actually be able to marry her.
I am thankful that Illinois passed the marriage act so I can MARRY her.
I am grateful that we will be afforded rights and not have to worry
about things that we've always had to worry about.
I am happy we will be able to just be a couple.
I am excited to the wife's wife.I like her more every day.
Heck, am glad I like--love--her more every day.
And, so I am ever so blessed to be with such a good person.
Thank you to the wife.
I am grateful for you and to you.
Here's to me one day saying this in your family circle.
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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Hope it is a great one.
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