Vowing to Camouflage

The wife and I took part in one of the best weddings on the planet. Unfortunately, I cannot do it justice trying to blog about it--it's one of those events that "you had to be there." At one point, the wife turned to me and said, "are you writing this stuff down? Because this is unbelievable."

And, she was right.  It was unbelievable.

I didn't blog about it right away because I wasn't sure what to say.  A few days of reflective distance did nothing to help me put words on describing the event.

I was the minister, clad in a camouflage shirt & cowboy boots, as requested.  I had written a standard ceremony, as the bride and groom were all good with that approach.  There was no practice, no rehearsal...heck, they never even read the script.  I looked around and took in the scenery, as it is of great benefit to "play to your audience."  

Well, the event was held in a bar, so that gives you an idea of the venue.  "Keep it simple," I thought to myself.

They had brought in wooden benches, so there was an aisle and "pews."  That seemed traditional enough.

The men were wearing red rifle shell casings as corsages--on their camouflage vests.  "Keep it respectful--these people have access to weapons--don't mess with the hunters," I muttered.

The women were wearing necklaces and earrings made of bullets and their bouquets were fashioned out of blue jean material and bullets.  "Bet you've never seen that before," I mused to myself.

The bride and groom were milling about the bar, drinking and visiting, laughing and thoroughly enjoying themselves.  Who has time to worry about the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding?

The crowd was casually clad in jeans, cowboy boots, various forms of camouflage, enjoying a drink or three before the start of the official festivities.

The wife was smitten as there was a little gift shop on the premises, featuring a 70% off sale for polo shirts.  She exclaimed, "These are perfect for work! Can I use your credit card?"

Okay--I realized I needed to keep it simple, respectful, fun, light-hearted--and, short.  Keep it short.

There was a college football game playing on the wide-screen.  I wasn't sure they would turn the TV off for the ceremony (for the record, they did).  As I turned away from the television, I mentioned to the mother of the bride how I had never seen camouflage wedding attire before.  She responded:  "it's not as unusual as you think."

While standing there, contemplating this fact, the groom noted how he & his friends had blown up pumpkins this morning--you know, with guns--in an effort to decorate for Halloween.

The ceremony was held......right under a giant photo of Lambeau Field.  I kid you not.  The only way it could have been more appropriate is if St. Vince had been in the photo.

The bridal party walked down the aisle to Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

(By the way, the bridesmaids and groomsmen were all carrying their drinks while walking down the aisle.)

The bride walked down the aisle to a Metallica song, accompanied on one side by her biological dad and the other side by her step-dad.

The kids in the front row were doing "The Wave."

I cannot make this stuff up.  

It was wonderfully surreal, very personalized, oozing with fun.  Thankfully, the wife and MJagger were there, lest no one would ever believe me.

Although it sounds like I'm making fun of this event, I'm really not.  It was very touching and was "them." It made sense.  It fit perfectly.  It was classy in its own way.  The decorations were beautiful.  The jewelry home-made, ready to be sold on ETSY. The antics couldn't have been more appropriate.

I truly enjoyed leading this ceremony.   At one point, I had everyone raise their glasses (yes, everyone was drinking during the ceremony) and toast the bride & groom, as a sign of support and blessing.  I quoted Duck Dynasty.  I noted how this was the first time I had been asked to wear camouflage while serving as a wedding officiant. I emphasized how getting married under a photo of Lambeau Field meant this was a done deal--no getting divorced now.  When the groom's ring wouldn't go on, I employed witty banter. I kept it short and kept 'em laughing, all the while respecting these two fine people.

It went swimmingly.

I'm beginning to really like this minister gig.  As long as I can play to the audience, I can rock the pulpit. Dearly beloved, indeed!

The reception featured bottles of Boone's Farm "wine" (and, I do use that term loosely) on each table, surrounded by center-pieces made of--you guessed it--rifle shell/casings. The groom ripped his shirt sleeves off, leaving him with a camo vest and bare arms.  Dessert featured six different kinds of cake. Most of the people gathered around the bar to watch the college game of the home state.

As we were enjoying the after-ceremony activities, I commented to the wife and MJagger how "today's brides" sure are different than what I traditionally picture when thinking about brides--they don't have rehearsals, they don't get nervous, they have their own vision, they don't do a first dance or a daddy/daughter dance or a dollar dance, they don't seem to worry about much of anything. There are no rules. I wondered if all weddings were like that. The wife said, in a deadpan voice, "maybe it's only the ones that you do."

Smarty pants.

If any bride asks me for advice (and, I highly doubt brides are going to come rushing to me for advice), I am going tell her to make the ceremony fit who she and her groom are, to make it personal, to have fun, to be creative and to just be true to themselves.

It's their day.  You can't do it wrong.

I'm also going to tell her that camouflage really does work as a color palette.
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