I was talking to some co-workers the other day, explaining that the wife and I were going to a party for one of our friends; thus, we wouldn't be able to attend the work party. I explained how I felt badly that we couldn't go to the work festivities, but friends before work. We're yipping and yapping until I notice the look on their faces. I couldn't figure out what I could have possibly said that would elicit slack jaws and wide eyes, quickly hidden behind nods and polite, close-mouth smiles....
....then, I realized the problem. I was talking to 20-something and 30-something-year-olds about going to a party for a friend's 60th birthday.
Sixty????!!! That stunned them right into silence.
I never really thought about how "old" I am in their eyes until that conversation. I should have taken a clue when two people in the past weeks have asked if I have any grandchildren. I stopped and thought about how I "look" to them.....
Almost every one of our friends is in the 50-60 year old category. I don't think about it because we are in the same boat and we've all been growing "old" together and we all do pretty dang good for our age. You don't see people age as much when you are on the "inside" as those who are on the "outside." Besides, isn't 50 the new 40?
Thank god I have MJagger as a friend, as she is only 41. She brings the age average down for my gaggle of friends. Without her, I'm thinking the average age would be 59 and I'm not kidding. I think she brings it down to 58.
The wife is by far the youngest person in our circle of friends...and, she is 49. When I say that, I'm thinking, "wow, she's really young." I can't believe she is "still" in her 40's. When I tell that fact to my co-workers, they can only smile politely, as 49 is ancient to them and I am "ancient-er." ANCIENT!
I do not even want to think about how our teenage nieces view us. Please do not ask them. I will be morose for weeks and need to triple all medication.
I took a quick survey of our friends. Although most are in their mid-to-late 50's, they really do look good. Well, they look good from my 51 year old perspective. No, really--they look good for their age. (That's a cold, cold sentence--when someone says you look good for your age, you should probably slap them.) When I started to think about why this might be true, I decided the following:
1. Shooting out babies ages you by a zillion percent. Not the actual shooting out of the baby; rather, it is raising said baby, losing all those hours of sleep--whether it be from new born crying or waiting for that naughty teenage to return in the middle of the night. Not sleeping has to age you. The majority of our friends have not given birth to anything but pets and that doesn't count. When I asked the wife what she thought was the number one thing she thought ages people, she said, "having kids." She didn't even know I was writing a blog, so this is an untainted answer.
God love you parents. We salute you.
Now, that's not to say we don't have friends who have had children--we have many friends who are parents. For some reason, they've maintained their youthful glow. Dee Zee and Chick-a-hello both gave birth to children and they look amazing. Maybe they had kids that slept through the night, thus no sleep was lost and they kept their youthful glow. I'll have to ask them their secrets.
2. We dress younger than we are. That can be good and bad. We might end up looking ridiculous but the majority of us don't seem to mind, care or notice. Perhaps it's because the group of friends I am picturing eschew frumpy house dresses & menopausal-pooch-enhancing polyester pants. I'm sure MJagger is mortified by my wardrobe selections, but she has to give me props for avoiding stretch-pants, giant floral prints or Velcro anything. No one in our group wears mini-skirts, daisy-duke shorts, mid-drifts or mohawks, so I think that is in our favor. We tend to comfortable clothing, spitting on anything that causes pain or discomfort. (Why people insist on wearing uncomfortable shoes of any kind, I do not know. Life is too short to wear uncomfortable shoes.)
.....you know, if I take the view that my 20-something year old co-worker has, I'm thinking I might be mortified by my wardrobe choices and think we look ridiculous, too. Piss on him. He needs to respect his elders.
3. We have a youthful, gaggle-supporting approach to life. We are, for the most part, physically active, fun-loving, friend-supporting, life-loving people. We have an amazing network of friends, which is timeless and ageless. Everyone should have friends like we have. Talk about rallying the troops when needed--our gaggle flocks around those in need without even asking or judging. Friends help keep you young, happy, healthy, whole. How can you be old when laughing to the point you are snorting or peeing?
Side note: I do not pee when I laugh but will gladly point the finger at those who do. I don't usually snort, either. I do slap my hand on my thigh and throw my head back like a Muppet when guffawing but no pees or snorts. Just sayin.'
4. We are delirious. Since we see each other so often and as we are aging together, we really don't see how old we look or are. We look like us. When you see someone all the time, you don't notice the subtle changes until it's too late or it's uber-obvious. The numbers 50 or 60 don't mean anything. They are not associated with an "old" or "young" age. They are just numbers and reality says we are delirious and don't think about this. I think being delirious is a great thing, so I plan on staying delirious.
5. We are in complete and full denial. See Number 4 above.
6. No, seriously--we are delirious and in denial.
After all this contemplation, for me, it comes down to this: age is a number and aging is for cheese, not me.
And, if I don't look in the mirror, I can't really see the things that suggest aging is indeed in progress--you know, deepening wrinkles, changing chin and neck lines, sagging this or that. My insides tell me I'm much younger than my outsides suggests, so I'm going with what's inside.
I plan on being a tattooed-converse-gym-shoe-wearing-xena-t-shirt-clad 80-something-year-old. And, I will still feel much younger on the inside than what you see on the outside. I promise I'll stop dying my hair by then, but only because I want to, not because anyone says I should.
Of course, that means our friends will be between 80-90 years old. You best get out of the way of these ladies because they are going to run circles around you 50-60 years old....
....you have been warned. Try to keep up.
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