Eye Scream

I can't believe I haven't posted anything in 12 days!  I will lose my blogging license if I keep this up.  I'd love to tell you I've been whooping it up, but in actuality, I've just been working like a dog to catch up after being on vacation and being without a computer for so long.  Super lame but the truth. Perhaps I'll blame Lucy's ears for my absence: "Dang, caring for that double ear bacterial infection is kickin' my ass.  I gotta put drops in twice a day. That's like non-stop. I need a nap."

Uh-huh.

Today is day three without ice cream.  You may think that is a pathetic statistic and are probably wondering who in the hell would have to count days without ice cream.  I admit my motivation is a pending cholesterol test.  I know that my lack of daily ice cream isn't going to help my cause much but it's a start and you have to start somewhere.

Yes, I eat ice cream ever day. I embrace and celebrate my ice cream addiction.  The question is if I can embrace my cholesterol level.

Side note: I know that it's not the actual ice cream that is the cholesterol problem; it's the volume of sugar I eat in an hour/day/week/ month/year/decade.  I place the blame on ice cream because it's convenient.  I wouldn't dare place the blame on my Dove Dark Chocolate.  God knows that is what is keeping my HDL rockin.'

I'm not an ice cream snob.  I love most versions of ice cream, custard, frozen yogurt, frozen treat product (notice that the golden arches do not advertise "ice cream cone;" they advertise "cones" because it's not really ice cream).  I like soft serve, home-made, store bought.  I like eating ice cream at home, at an ice cream store, at a restaurant, at work, at a  ball game, around the campfire, at a buffet and at a stop light.  I can eat an ice cream cone and drive a stick shift at the same time. I like the cheap stuff and the expensive stuff the same.   I especially enjoy lots of brownies and chocolate when partaking in ice cream.  I am very fond of a certain store-bought frozen yogurt product.  I love the sound of the ice cream truck coming down the street.  I like sugar cones, plain cones, waffle cones, no cones, chocolate dipped cones.  I will eat ice cream in a bowl or mug, on a paper plate or right out of the carton (if at home--I don't usually do this elsewhere). King of Burgers has tempted me all summer long with their fifty cent cones, of which I find much more satisfying than those sixty nice cent cones at the land of Ronald. That's cheap stuff, literally and figuratively.

There is NOTHING like a blob of ice cream in your morning cereal.  Just sayin.'

I love a blob of ice cream in my hot chocolate, in my coffee and on microwave brownies. I like ice cream at any meal. I like ice cream IN PLACE OF any meal.

I'm not a huge fan of soy or rice ice cream (or frozen treat, as they call it).  It'll do in a pinch but it's not the right taste or texture.  Neither are sorbets.  That's not ice cream.  That's some pallet-cleaning nonsense of which I don't need.

To go three days in a row without ice cream has been very hard; in fact, I am rather embarrassed to admit how hard it's been.  I didn't realize how often I was going to the King of Burgers until I stopped going.  It's painful to drive by two King of Burgers, one Culvers, three golden arches, one privately owned ice cream store and one DQ on the way home.  Each place calls to me, begging for me to stop.  I try to explain that I can't stop right now.  The horror, the horror.

If you think I will lose even one ounce by not eating ice cream for a week, you are mistaken----I keep eating all sorts of other things to substitute for the ice cream. I think I may be defeating my own purpose, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  I will be lucky if I don't gain five pounds in two weeks....

Poor Lucy.  She loves ice cream as much as I do.  How rude of me to cut her off, too, especially in light of those ear infections.  Oh, to soothe her soul with a little scoop of frozen love.

In an effort to keep my mind off of ice cream, I've tried wearing my contact lenses.  I've had a handful of various types to try for almost a year.  This seemed like the time to try them out.  I haven't worn contact since the 1990's and even then, I wore glasses more often than not.  My day of contacts was in the 1980's, not the 2010's.  I thought I would give them a whirl, as no one can ever see my eyes and I do enjoy a good day without finger prints.

Suffice it to say, I have hated every minute of my experiment, not because I am having trouble with the contacts themselves--I'm having trouble because I can't see a god-danged thing up close.  I have to wear cheaters/readers lest I not know what the hell I'm eating, reading, typing.  My thought is: why am I going to wear contacts so I don't have to wear glasses when I have to wear glasses?

When wearing contacts, I am amazed by how crystal clear my sight is when looking out into the horizon.  I can read the tiniest of street signs.  I have peripheral vision.  I don't have to turn my head like the Exorcist to see.  I can wear cheap sunglasses.  People can see my eyes....

.....but, my advanced age has led to an issue I haven't had to face before: I cannot see a god dang thing unless it is two feet away from me.

I have to wear glasses in order to not wear glasses.  That's kinda like when the eye surgeon wanted to take out my perfectly-good lenses so he could replace them with man-made lenses--I wouldn't need to wear glasses but I'd be wearing really expensive internal contacts. What is the point?  And, even then, I'd still have to wear glasses to read!!!

I must admit, wearing contacts while not eating ice cream has been a good distraction and it's left me with one less worry in the world: I wouldn't be able to see my ice cream if I were eating it while wearing my contacts and THAT would be a problem of monumental proportion.

Only seven more days to go.  I can make it.

I'm going to make it.

I want to make it.

I think I can make it.

I will make it to Sundae.  Er--I mean, Sunday.

Is eating chocolate syrup in a plain cone cheating?

If I can't see that I'm eating chocolate syrup in a plan cone, then did I really eat it?

I think not.