I'm not sure which topic to write about: more new shoes or all the damn spots popping up all over my "now over 50" skin, so I think I'll write about both.
In case you are keeping score, my wellness check, complete with cholesterol test, is T minus three days. And, yes--I've been eating ice cream. I gave up after four days without it. On the fifth day, I cracked. I couldn't keep my car out of the drive through at the King of Burgers. Besides, in the four days I stopped eating ice cream, I gained three pounds. Now that I've had ice cream for a few days, I've lost 1.5 pounds.
My body was meant to be run on sugar. Why mess with it if it ain't broken?
So, the wife says this morning that she wants to go to a local sporting good store today as she has a coupon for $15.00 off any pair of shoes. I should have had her duct tape me to the kitchen chair, because once I hear the words "shoe shopping," I am no longer in control of my being. I wasn't going to go along but it was on the way home from church so I figured we should stop on our way. It was way too hot out to stay in the car (we're talking 90+ degrees out there), so I couldn't use avoidance techniques.
You know what happened, right? She walked out empty-handed and I walked out with $110 gym shoes. See how she is?
It's just like yesterday....we went to Sam's because she wanted to see if they had solar garden lights. She walked out empty-handed and I walked out with $163 of stuff that I had not previously needed or wanted.
My new shoes are supposed to inspire me to break into gentle jogs while walking. I really want to get to the point I can once again enjoy a 5 or 10K without vomiting. I miss running. I'm really slow but I'm not in a hurry, so I'm okay with that. All they've motivated me to do at this point is spend a lot of money on them.
At least I'll look good while throwing up on the bike path.
(For those of you wondering, I haven't run since the 1990's, so I've had lots of time to miss it.)
As for my skin, well! I am mortified and flummoxed. Actually, I'm more than mortified--I am uber mortified. I am covered with spots. Age related spots. Ugly age related spots. Ugly, weirdly shaped and colored, surfacing every thirty seconds age spots. Looking at my dad, I knew I'd have some "growths," but I wasn't expecting so many of them so early. All those years in the sun--shame on me. I'd like to think I'd still have all these spots and growths and what nots whether or not I was in the sun, but I'm guessing those mega sunburns did nothing for my largest organ.
One of my sports--on my forearm--seemed to be on its own mission. It used to be flat and like a large, bizarre freckle. Overnight, it morphed into this red, raised, half crusty warty-mole-growth thing. I didn't know what to think of it. I didn't think an age spot could get inflamed or changed--I assumed they all just lay around, making everyone look older. I stared at for three weeks. It changed every day, I kid you not. I finally called my dermatologist:
Me: "I'd like to make an appointment with Dr. SkinTag to have a thing on my arm looked at."
Office: "Have you been here before?"
Me: "Yes, I had a mole mapping and mole removed."
(Bet you didn't need to know that.)
Office: Takes name, agrees I've been there. "Okay, we're setting appointments for the end of October right now--"
I cut her off.
Me: "October? It's August!"
Office: "Yes, ma'am. The first appointment I have is at the end of October. Would you like me to schedule you?"
Me: "So, I have this thing growing on my arm and I can't get it looked at until October?"
Office: "I'm sorry. That's the next appointment."
Me: "I have no idea what this thing is. None of the assistants have openings? I mean, this thing is changing daily."
Office: "Well, we could put you on a waiting list--"
I cut her off again.
Me: "Forget it. Where else can you refer me? I really don't want to wait two months to see what this thing is. Where does Dr. SkinTag refer people?"
Suddenly, a miracle happens. As soon as I mention I want a referral....
Office: "Well, we can get you in Monday at 8 AM."
Um, what part of October is that?
I got my appointment.
Turns out it was one of those funky keratosis things that old people get, irritated to the point it got all befuckled. Google Image that word. (Keratosis, not befuckled.) You'll see all sorts of ugly, old people skin growths. Brown, red, pink, black, smooth, lumpy, poopy, big, bigger, ginormous, exponentially multiplying before your eyes. I am very happy to report these are benign growths. I can't really complain when I thin of that. Ugly and benign is ALWAYS 100 million percent better than cute and malignant, don't you think?
Looking at my skin, I have to admit that I have a lot of these keratosis things, mainly on my arms, some developing on my legs (surprisingly to me, none yet on my hands). Most of them look like flat, brown, happy age spots. Others are slightly raised and uglier than not. (No offense to any of my keratosis babies, but you're ugly.) She sliced and burned that puppy right off, per my request. Why the hell keep it when you can have it removed in 30 seconds?
What else did the doctor have to say?
She let me know that with each passing birthday, I'd get many more "gifts."
In other words, I should hang on for the ride because I'm gonna be covered with chocolate chips.
Gifts, my ass.
She added that they tend to run in families and asked if anyone in my family has such growths.
I blame my father. I may have gotten other skin issues from the maternal peeps, but the chocolate chips definitely are a paternal thing.
Maybe I should think of them as kisses instead of chocolate chips. Little kisses from my father.
I feel better already.
You know, I could get some tattoos to cover the spots but I'd rather be able to see my father's little kisses than blur them out with tacky colors.
If I start to feel badly about my aging skin, I'll just go have a bowl of ice cream and then go for a walk in my new shoes. If that doesn't work, I can always go buy another pair of shoes.
If that doesn't work, I'm gonna have to go get some more tattoos. One must do what one must do....
Kiss kiss, a spot like this.
Keratosis brings me bliss.
Little age spot, not so bad,
Makes me think of my spotted dad.
*******************************************************
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Eye Scream
I can't believe I haven't posted anything in 12 days! I will lose my blogging license if I keep this up. I'd love to tell you I've been whooping it up, but in actuality, I've just been working like a dog to catch up after being on vacation and being without a computer for so long. Super lame but the truth. Perhaps I'll blame Lucy's ears for my absence: "Dang, caring for that double ear bacterial infection is kickin' my ass. I gotta put drops in twice a day. That's like non-stop. I need a nap."
Uh-huh.
Today is day three without ice cream. You may think that is a pathetic statistic and are probably wondering who in the hell would have to count days without ice cream. I admit my motivation is a pending cholesterol test. I know that my lack of daily ice cream isn't going to help my cause much but it's a start and you have to start somewhere.
Yes, I eat ice cream ever day. I embrace and celebrate my ice cream addiction. The question is if I can embrace my cholesterol level.
Side note: I know that it's not the actual ice cream that is the cholesterol problem; it's the volume of sugar I eat in an hour/day/week/ month/year/decade. I place the blame on ice cream because it's convenient. I wouldn't dare place the blame on my Dove Dark Chocolate. God knows that is what is keeping my HDL rockin.'
I'm not an ice cream snob. I love most versions of ice cream, custard, frozen yogurt, frozen treat product (notice that the golden arches do not advertise "ice cream cone;" they advertise "cones" because it's not really ice cream). I like soft serve, home-made, store bought. I like eating ice cream at home, at an ice cream store, at a restaurant, at work, at a ball game, around the campfire, at a buffet and at a stop light. I can eat an ice cream cone and drive a stick shift at the same time. I like the cheap stuff and the expensive stuff the same. I especially enjoy lots of brownies and chocolate when partaking in ice cream. I am very fond of a certain store-bought frozen yogurt product. I love the sound of the ice cream truck coming down the street. I like sugar cones, plain cones, waffle cones, no cones, chocolate dipped cones. I will eat ice cream in a bowl or mug, on a paper plate or right out of the carton (if at home--I don't usually do this elsewhere). King of Burgers has tempted me all summer long with their fifty cent cones, of which I find much more satisfying than those sixty nice cent cones at the land of Ronald. That's cheap stuff, literally and figuratively.
There is NOTHING like a blob of ice cream in your morning cereal. Just sayin.'
I love a blob of ice cream in my hot chocolate, in my coffee and on microwave brownies. I like ice cream at any meal. I like ice cream IN PLACE OF any meal.
I'm not a huge fan of soy or rice ice cream (or frozen treat, as they call it). It'll do in a pinch but it's not the right taste or texture. Neither are sorbets. That's not ice cream. That's some pallet-cleaning nonsense of which I don't need.
To go three days in a row without ice cream has been very hard; in fact, I am rather embarrassed to admit how hard it's been. I didn't realize how often I was going to the King of Burgers until I stopped going. It's painful to drive by two King of Burgers, one Culvers, three golden arches, one privately owned ice cream store and one DQ on the way home. Each place calls to me, begging for me to stop. I try to explain that I can't stop right now. The horror, the horror.
If you think I will lose even one ounce by not eating ice cream for a week, you are mistaken----I keep eating all sorts of other things to substitute for the ice cream. I think I may be defeating my own purpose, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I will be lucky if I don't gain five pounds in two weeks....
Poor Lucy. She loves ice cream as much as I do. How rude of me to cut her off, too, especially in light of those ear infections. Oh, to soothe her soul with a little scoop of frozen love.
In an effort to keep my mind off of ice cream, I've tried wearing my contact lenses. I've had a handful of various types to try for almost a year. This seemed like the time to try them out. I haven't worn contact since the 1990's and even then, I wore glasses more often than not. My day of contacts was in the 1980's, not the 2010's. I thought I would give them a whirl, as no one can ever see my eyes and I do enjoy a good day without finger prints.
Suffice it to say, I have hated every minute of my experiment, not because I am having trouble with the contacts themselves--I'm having trouble because I can't see a god-danged thing up close. I have to wear cheaters/readers lest I not know what the hell I'm eating, reading, typing. My thought is: why am I going to wear contacts so I don't have to wear glasses when I have to wear glasses?
When wearing contacts, I am amazed by how crystal clear my sight is when looking out into the horizon. I can read the tiniest of street signs. I have peripheral vision. I don't have to turn my head like the Exorcist to see. I can wear cheap sunglasses. People can see my eyes....
.....but, my advanced age has led to an issue I haven't had to face before: I cannot see a god dang thing unless it is two feet away from me.
I have to wear glasses in order to not wear glasses. That's kinda like when the eye surgeon wanted to take out my perfectly-good lenses so he could replace them with man-made lenses--I wouldn't need to wear glasses but I'd be wearing really expensive internal contacts. What is the point? And, even then, I'd still have to wear glasses to read!!!
I must admit, wearing contacts while not eating ice cream has been a good distraction and it's left me with one less worry in the world: I wouldn't be able to see my ice cream if I were eating it while wearing my contacts and THAT would be a problem of monumental proportion.
Only seven more days to go. I can make it.
I'm going to make it.
I want to make it.
I think I can make it.
I will make it to Sundae. Er--I mean, Sunday.
Is eating chocolate syrup in a plain cone cheating?
If I can't see that I'm eating chocolate syrup in a plan cone, then did I really eat it?
I think not.
Uh-huh.
Today is day three without ice cream. You may think that is a pathetic statistic and are probably wondering who in the hell would have to count days without ice cream. I admit my motivation is a pending cholesterol test. I know that my lack of daily ice cream isn't going to help my cause much but it's a start and you have to start somewhere.
Yes, I eat ice cream ever day. I embrace and celebrate my ice cream addiction. The question is if I can embrace my cholesterol level.
Side note: I know that it's not the actual ice cream that is the cholesterol problem; it's the volume of sugar I eat in an hour/day/week/ month/year/decade. I place the blame on ice cream because it's convenient. I wouldn't dare place the blame on my Dove Dark Chocolate. God knows that is what is keeping my HDL rockin.'
I'm not an ice cream snob. I love most versions of ice cream, custard, frozen yogurt, frozen treat product (notice that the golden arches do not advertise "ice cream cone;" they advertise "cones" because it's not really ice cream). I like soft serve, home-made, store bought. I like eating ice cream at home, at an ice cream store, at a restaurant, at work, at a ball game, around the campfire, at a buffet and at a stop light. I can eat an ice cream cone and drive a stick shift at the same time. I like the cheap stuff and the expensive stuff the same. I especially enjoy lots of brownies and chocolate when partaking in ice cream. I am very fond of a certain store-bought frozen yogurt product. I love the sound of the ice cream truck coming down the street. I like sugar cones, plain cones, waffle cones, no cones, chocolate dipped cones. I will eat ice cream in a bowl or mug, on a paper plate or right out of the carton (if at home--I don't usually do this elsewhere). King of Burgers has tempted me all summer long with their fifty cent cones, of which I find much more satisfying than those sixty nice cent cones at the land of Ronald. That's cheap stuff, literally and figuratively.
There is NOTHING like a blob of ice cream in your morning cereal. Just sayin.'
I love a blob of ice cream in my hot chocolate, in my coffee and on microwave brownies. I like ice cream at any meal. I like ice cream IN PLACE OF any meal.
I'm not a huge fan of soy or rice ice cream (or frozen treat, as they call it). It'll do in a pinch but it's not the right taste or texture. Neither are sorbets. That's not ice cream. That's some pallet-cleaning nonsense of which I don't need.
To go three days in a row without ice cream has been very hard; in fact, I am rather embarrassed to admit how hard it's been. I didn't realize how often I was going to the King of Burgers until I stopped going. It's painful to drive by two King of Burgers, one Culvers, three golden arches, one privately owned ice cream store and one DQ on the way home. Each place calls to me, begging for me to stop. I try to explain that I can't stop right now. The horror, the horror.
If you think I will lose even one ounce by not eating ice cream for a week, you are mistaken----I keep eating all sorts of other things to substitute for the ice cream. I think I may be defeating my own purpose, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I will be lucky if I don't gain five pounds in two weeks....
Poor Lucy. She loves ice cream as much as I do. How rude of me to cut her off, too, especially in light of those ear infections. Oh, to soothe her soul with a little scoop of frozen love.
In an effort to keep my mind off of ice cream, I've tried wearing my contact lenses. I've had a handful of various types to try for almost a year. This seemed like the time to try them out. I haven't worn contact since the 1990's and even then, I wore glasses more often than not. My day of contacts was in the 1980's, not the 2010's. I thought I would give them a whirl, as no one can ever see my eyes and I do enjoy a good day without finger prints.
Suffice it to say, I have hated every minute of my experiment, not because I am having trouble with the contacts themselves--I'm having trouble because I can't see a god-danged thing up close. I have to wear cheaters/readers lest I not know what the hell I'm eating, reading, typing. My thought is: why am I going to wear contacts so I don't have to wear glasses when I have to wear glasses?
When wearing contacts, I am amazed by how crystal clear my sight is when looking out into the horizon. I can read the tiniest of street signs. I have peripheral vision. I don't have to turn my head like the Exorcist to see. I can wear cheap sunglasses. People can see my eyes....
.....but, my advanced age has led to an issue I haven't had to face before: I cannot see a god dang thing unless it is two feet away from me.
I have to wear glasses in order to not wear glasses. That's kinda like when the eye surgeon wanted to take out my perfectly-good lenses so he could replace them with man-made lenses--I wouldn't need to wear glasses but I'd be wearing really expensive internal contacts. What is the point? And, even then, I'd still have to wear glasses to read!!!
I must admit, wearing contacts while not eating ice cream has been a good distraction and it's left me with one less worry in the world: I wouldn't be able to see my ice cream if I were eating it while wearing my contacts and THAT would be a problem of monumental proportion.
Only seven more days to go. I can make it.
I'm going to make it.
I want to make it.
I think I can make it.
I will make it to Sundae. Er--I mean, Sunday.
Is eating chocolate syrup in a plain cone cheating?
If I can't see that I'm eating chocolate syrup in a plan cone, then did I really eat it?
I think not.
Friday, August 09, 2013
Super Duper Duping
Well campers, as predicted in my previous blog, the wedding went swimmingly and all was well in the sea of matrimony. I think the wife's family sees me in a whole new light. No, I know they do. Every time they look at me, they profess their gratitude and wonder.
I hope that makes up for me getting mad at the wife during our still-in-progress family vacation, which led to me giving the "Father John Stink Eye" to her dad and sister. You should not mess with me when I am mad. I was mad. Really mad. They earned that stink eye. The only good thing that came out of the event is that when all was said and done (meaning, 30 minutes later when the wife and I apologized to each other and the event was over), the wife's dad exclaimed, "Gay people fight, too!"
I tried not to laugh.
I'd give them the stink eye again if I faced the same situation. I should probably apologize but I'm not in the mood just quite yet. I'm too stubborn and pompous to do so at this time. I'll get there.
Maybe.
**********************************************
The wife is still in the wilds of the Cheddarlands but I have returned home (as planned, not in any relation to the stink eye. I was really excited to find that my new software had arrived during my time away. I've been waiting for that as I can't do much of anything on my computer at this time--I need the software. As I started to open I the sealed software packaging, I noticed that the envelope had no return address on it. It was one of those "back of your mind" things that catches your attention but doesn't catch it enough to stop you in your tracks. I opened the sealed product, found everything in place and popped that disk right in, despite it verging on being the wee hours of the night. I found the product key and waited for the program to load.
Before I say anything further, I think it important to note that I'm one of those people who is always trying to educate others on the dangers of the Internet: I'm always babbling about phishing, identity theft, malware, fake this or that. At work and at home, I beg people not to click on things, not to believe every email they receive, to do research before buying anything. I'm very wary when it comes to buying things via any site, including the big names, as even they can end up using sellers that sell counterfeit items. I do my research and try to buy things from reputable and real sites/companies/sellers. I do almost my shopping and bill paying line, so I try to pay close attention to what I am doing.....
When the product/activation key didn't work, I wasn't surprised--after all, it was after 11:30 PM and I'm used to being asleep by 9 PM. I figured I had entered the wrong code. I re-entered it, still smiling and humming to myself. Funny, the code didn't work again. I thought maybe activating over the phone might work better than my first two attempts on line. I call the software company and follow the directives.
A stern-sounding recorded voice indicated something about this being an invalid key, then disconnected the call. I decided it was time to go to bed.
I got up early and tried again. I figured a new day might bring a new result. Dang, same message. I started to get a sick feeling. This can't be a fake product, can it? I looked at the box. Everything looked fine. I dug through the garbage (which, by the way, was already at the curb) and found the mailing envelope. The package had come from Texas, which is where the company (if there is a company, I am now thinking) is in Texas. I looked at my credit card site and confirmed the company's billing name, location and transaction. It's at this point I remember my thoughts when looking at the company's web site.....
While doing my research about buying my software a few weeks ago, I remember thinking, "this is a really sucky website for a computer-related company." I remember thinking, "those are the lamest testimonials I've ever read for a company!" and laughed at the photo stock used as part of the testimonials. I clicked back and forth on the various pages and decided all seemed legit. I remember thinking, "well, they are part of the Better Business Bureau" and noted all the on-line companies they deal with and thinking nothing further about actually checking to see if this company is part of BBB or even what their ratings were...
A warning light should have gone on in my head, but it didn't, I am ashamed to admit. Seeing a logo on a website does not mean that it's true. That's like believing something that says, "as checked on Snopes." Hello! Go to Snopes and check it yourself. Anyone can say it was confirmed on Snopes. YOU have to check that the facts and go to the website yourself. Duh! Anyone can use logos from anything--including the BBB logo and all those well-known shopping sites. It's the same as if you get an email from Paypal or Ebay or your credit card company--just because it has the official logo and a seemingly legit link does NOT mean it's real or legit at all....
I decided it was time to call the software company & talk to an actual person. I spoke to a lady named "Sheila" (who was NOT someone named Sheila, unless there is a sudden rash of non-English speaking Sheilas overseas) who was rather rude and told me to speak in "phonetics" or something. When I told her I didn't know what she was asking, she barked out, "Like B as in Boy."
Dear god, I have no idea what words go with what letters. I had to think quickly. I assure you some bad words came to mind but I tried to stick with simple things like D is an dog, M as in Mom. When I finished coming up with words for letters, she barked out, "that is not a genuine product. The key has been blocked. I cannot help you further."
And then, Sheila hung up on me.
I'll give a her B as in.....
After being dumped by Dawn, it dawned on me that this fake company has my credit card number and billing information. I took a gander at the credit card website and nothing was amiss--no weird or new charges. Still, I thought it best to cancel the card and make a fraud report. I spoke to a really nice guy named Michael (whose name probably really is Michael and who was not stationed overseas--unless he had been practicing English his whole life and learned to sound quite Midwestern and clear) who was very reassuring and helpful. When I professed how stupid I felt after explained my bogus purchase, he gave me a non-judgmental chuckle and stated, "these things happen." He then offered to help me by canceling the card and starting a fraud report before I had even asked. He indicated that the money will be put back into my account.
Sweet baby Jesus, thank you! I will do all my business with this credit card company for all the days in my life.
Since I didn't have any software to use and as the wife is still in the cheddarlands, I had lots of time to do research. I spent the majority of my morning trying to figure out who and if this is a company at all. I'm telling you what--I learned a lot. A WHOLE LOT. This company has several names, all of which aren't really companies. They sell things and then poof! Gone. Thankfully, the Internet leaves a trail and it wasn't hard to figure things out once I got the trail going. I was disgusted to see that this company of sorts is on reputable websites, but when the link is followed thoroughly, I hit the same dead end. I would have had the same result had I used one of the major shopping sites. I found a BBB complaint about the company (one of the editions of the company, under a completely different name than mine but 100% the same company) which described the exact same issue (even the same product) I was facing. I returned to the original website and took a really close look. Huh. No phone number anywhere. No location beyond Texas.
Where the hell was my head when I was buying this software?
I tried sending an email to the "contact us" link, but no surprise--it bounced back, undeliverable.
I scoped out Book de la Face and found a page for the company, which "is back up and running." Sure you are. I was sad and then disgusted to see that this fake company's page was all about the Bible and the Gospel. I won't say any more because it would be so judgmental that I would have to spend an extra five years in Purgatory. I decided dragging a fake company's name through the mud would be ridiculous, so I didn't post any identifying information.
While staring at my computer, still chastising myself, I re-opened the emails I received from the non-company. I noticed the original confirmation email came from a yahoo account. I figured that was fake, too but decided to send a rude email to the address. If nothing else, I figured it would be therapeutic. It was only two lines long and ended with "lesson learned--I knew better." I immediately felt better and had some ice cream for brunch (I had already eaten breakfast and it was a bit early for lunch).
Imagine my surprise when only a few minutes later I received an email back, indicating, "We don't understand what mean. Please explain?" I couldn't resist. After all, I had nothing to lose. I wrote, again in a stink-eye tone, that they had sent me a bogus, non-genuine, unusable item, as confirmed by Microsoft. I ended it with "unless by some miracle you are going to refund my money, it was a complete waste of [insert money total here]."
God bless America if they didn't contact me again. This time, they indicated my problem wasn't a problem at all--it was Microsoft's problem--and that I should try three of the "new" activation codes they provided in the email.
Oh dear god, now I'm gonna install my fake product with illegal codes?
Although I have already decided that I will buy a legal, actual copy, I thought I'd entertain myself by trying these three fake, most certainly illegal codes. The first one was, of course, not a real code. The second and third ones were "real codes" but had already been used the maximum amount of times and thus were no longer valid. Anyone surprised? Not moi. At this point, I'm giggling and thinking things like, "Gosh, I can't believe Microsoft would do this to me."
I took a much closer look at the product and packaging while waiting for the program to load each time. I noticed when I loaded the program, it wasn't even the version on the disk that is named on the box. I took a much closer look at the activation key sticker and realized it is a really, really good copy...not an original, as I mistakenly thought last night. Anyone can buy a sealer machine.....and, as for the hologram on the label....well, it must have been left in Texas.
So, learn from me. Don't be duped. Check and re-check. Forget buying stuff like this on line. Go to the store. And, for pete's sake, make sure you use a credit card lest you get stuck with a bill for something you can't use because it's a fake product from a non-existent company.
Anyone wanna buy some software, cheap? I'll deliver.
******************************************
I hope that makes up for me getting mad at the wife during our still-in-progress family vacation, which led to me giving the "Father John Stink Eye" to her dad and sister. You should not mess with me when I am mad. I was mad. Really mad. They earned that stink eye. The only good thing that came out of the event is that when all was said and done (meaning, 30 minutes later when the wife and I apologized to each other and the event was over), the wife's dad exclaimed, "Gay people fight, too!"
I tried not to laugh.
I'd give them the stink eye again if I faced the same situation. I should probably apologize but I'm not in the mood just quite yet. I'm too stubborn and pompous to do so at this time. I'll get there.
Maybe.
**********************************************
The wife is still in the wilds of the Cheddarlands but I have returned home (as planned, not in any relation to the stink eye. I was really excited to find that my new software had arrived during my time away. I've been waiting for that as I can't do much of anything on my computer at this time--I need the software. As I started to open I the sealed software packaging, I noticed that the envelope had no return address on it. It was one of those "back of your mind" things that catches your attention but doesn't catch it enough to stop you in your tracks. I opened the sealed product, found everything in place and popped that disk right in, despite it verging on being the wee hours of the night. I found the product key and waited for the program to load.
Before I say anything further, I think it important to note that I'm one of those people who is always trying to educate others on the dangers of the Internet: I'm always babbling about phishing, identity theft, malware, fake this or that. At work and at home, I beg people not to click on things, not to believe every email they receive, to do research before buying anything. I'm very wary when it comes to buying things via any site, including the big names, as even they can end up using sellers that sell counterfeit items. I do my research and try to buy things from reputable and real sites/companies/sellers. I do almost my shopping and bill paying line, so I try to pay close attention to what I am doing.....
When the product/activation key didn't work, I wasn't surprised--after all, it was after 11:30 PM and I'm used to being asleep by 9 PM. I figured I had entered the wrong code. I re-entered it, still smiling and humming to myself. Funny, the code didn't work again. I thought maybe activating over the phone might work better than my first two attempts on line. I call the software company and follow the directives.
A stern-sounding recorded voice indicated something about this being an invalid key, then disconnected the call. I decided it was time to go to bed.
I got up early and tried again. I figured a new day might bring a new result. Dang, same message. I started to get a sick feeling. This can't be a fake product, can it? I looked at the box. Everything looked fine. I dug through the garbage (which, by the way, was already at the curb) and found the mailing envelope. The package had come from Texas, which is where the company (if there is a company, I am now thinking) is in Texas. I looked at my credit card site and confirmed the company's billing name, location and transaction. It's at this point I remember my thoughts when looking at the company's web site.....
While doing my research about buying my software a few weeks ago, I remember thinking, "this is a really sucky website for a computer-related company." I remember thinking, "those are the lamest testimonials I've ever read for a company!" and laughed at the photo stock used as part of the testimonials. I clicked back and forth on the various pages and decided all seemed legit. I remember thinking, "well, they are part of the Better Business Bureau" and noted all the on-line companies they deal with and thinking nothing further about actually checking to see if this company is part of BBB or even what their ratings were...
A warning light should have gone on in my head, but it didn't, I am ashamed to admit. Seeing a logo on a website does not mean that it's true. That's like believing something that says, "as checked on Snopes." Hello! Go to Snopes and check it yourself. Anyone can say it was confirmed on Snopes. YOU have to check that the facts and go to the website yourself. Duh! Anyone can use logos from anything--including the BBB logo and all those well-known shopping sites. It's the same as if you get an email from Paypal or Ebay or your credit card company--just because it has the official logo and a seemingly legit link does NOT mean it's real or legit at all....
I decided it was time to call the software company & talk to an actual person. I spoke to a lady named "Sheila" (who was NOT someone named Sheila, unless there is a sudden rash of non-English speaking Sheilas overseas) who was rather rude and told me to speak in "phonetics" or something. When I told her I didn't know what she was asking, she barked out, "Like B as in Boy."
Dear god, I have no idea what words go with what letters. I had to think quickly. I assure you some bad words came to mind but I tried to stick with simple things like D is an dog, M as in Mom. When I finished coming up with words for letters, she barked out, "that is not a genuine product. The key has been blocked. I cannot help you further."
And then, Sheila hung up on me.
I'll give a her B as in.....
After being dumped by Dawn, it dawned on me that this fake company has my credit card number and billing information. I took a gander at the credit card website and nothing was amiss--no weird or new charges. Still, I thought it best to cancel the card and make a fraud report. I spoke to a really nice guy named Michael (whose name probably really is Michael and who was not stationed overseas--unless he had been practicing English his whole life and learned to sound quite Midwestern and clear) who was very reassuring and helpful. When I professed how stupid I felt after explained my bogus purchase, he gave me a non-judgmental chuckle and stated, "these things happen." He then offered to help me by canceling the card and starting a fraud report before I had even asked. He indicated that the money will be put back into my account.
Sweet baby Jesus, thank you! I will do all my business with this credit card company for all the days in my life.
Since I didn't have any software to use and as the wife is still in the cheddarlands, I had lots of time to do research. I spent the majority of my morning trying to figure out who and if this is a company at all. I'm telling you what--I learned a lot. A WHOLE LOT. This company has several names, all of which aren't really companies. They sell things and then poof! Gone. Thankfully, the Internet leaves a trail and it wasn't hard to figure things out once I got the trail going. I was disgusted to see that this company of sorts is on reputable websites, but when the link is followed thoroughly, I hit the same dead end. I would have had the same result had I used one of the major shopping sites. I found a BBB complaint about the company (one of the editions of the company, under a completely different name than mine but 100% the same company) which described the exact same issue (even the same product) I was facing. I returned to the original website and took a really close look. Huh. No phone number anywhere. No location beyond Texas.
Where the hell was my head when I was buying this software?
I tried sending an email to the "contact us" link, but no surprise--it bounced back, undeliverable.
I scoped out Book de la Face and found a page for the company, which "is back up and running." Sure you are. I was sad and then disgusted to see that this fake company's page was all about the Bible and the Gospel. I won't say any more because it would be so judgmental that I would have to spend an extra five years in Purgatory. I decided dragging a fake company's name through the mud would be ridiculous, so I didn't post any identifying information.
While staring at my computer, still chastising myself, I re-opened the emails I received from the non-company. I noticed the original confirmation email came from a yahoo account. I figured that was fake, too but decided to send a rude email to the address. If nothing else, I figured it would be therapeutic. It was only two lines long and ended with "lesson learned--I knew better." I immediately felt better and had some ice cream for brunch (I had already eaten breakfast and it was a bit early for lunch).
Imagine my surprise when only a few minutes later I received an email back, indicating, "We don't understand what mean. Please explain?" I couldn't resist. After all, I had nothing to lose. I wrote, again in a stink-eye tone, that they had sent me a bogus, non-genuine, unusable item, as confirmed by Microsoft. I ended it with "unless by some miracle you are going to refund my money, it was a complete waste of [insert money total here]."
God bless America if they didn't contact me again. This time, they indicated my problem wasn't a problem at all--it was Microsoft's problem--and that I should try three of the "new" activation codes they provided in the email.
Oh dear god, now I'm gonna install my fake product with illegal codes?
Although I have already decided that I will buy a legal, actual copy, I thought I'd entertain myself by trying these three fake, most certainly illegal codes. The first one was, of course, not a real code. The second and third ones were "real codes" but had already been used the maximum amount of times and thus were no longer valid. Anyone surprised? Not moi. At this point, I'm giggling and thinking things like, "Gosh, I can't believe Microsoft would do this to me."
I took a much closer look at the product and packaging while waiting for the program to load each time. I noticed when I loaded the program, it wasn't even the version on the disk that is named on the box. I took a much closer look at the activation key sticker and realized it is a really, really good copy...not an original, as I mistakenly thought last night. Anyone can buy a sealer machine.....and, as for the hologram on the label....well, it must have been left in Texas.
So, learn from me. Don't be duped. Check and re-check. Forget buying stuff like this on line. Go to the store. And, for pete's sake, make sure you use a credit card lest you get stuck with a bill for something you can't use because it's a fake product from a non-existent company.
Anyone wanna buy some software, cheap? I'll deliver.
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