Judgement Giraddi

The word "giraddi," in case you are wondering, is pronounced as if you were saying the word "giraffe." JURE-addi. I suppose some of you might say JEER-addi.  Either way will work. I won't judge you.

Okay, so I will probably judge you but I'll be gentle about it.

Eldest niece taught the wife and me about the "judgement giraffe."  It's a hand gesture that looks like this:

The gesture is appropriately utilized when someone is being judgemental.  It is a gesture that the wife can wave in my face when I am being a condescending, judgemental you-know-what.  Friends can slowly raise the judgement giraffe during dinner outings, signaling the speaker to think before speaking further. The gesture comes in plenty handy during work meetings & counseling sessions. (As noted, I am brutal as a counselor.  I have no time for empathy.  Hop on the judgement giraffe and move on.) I personally find the giraffe to be a handy way to remind myself that I am being judgmental.  Example: (1) I am being a judgmental, arrogant asshole.  Hard to believe, I know.  (2) I suddenly have a shred of insight into my behavior/thinking/babbling. (3) I slowly raise my hand and bring out the judgement giraffe.  If it's just a little infraction, a half-giraffe salute suffices.  If it's a full-blow judgement, a full giraffe is required. If I'm being really judgemental, I use both hands--two judgement giraffes.  If I'm being a total (insert your favorite most vile word here), I stick the judgement giraffes in my eyes, as if the giraffes are poking my eyes out.  If I'm completely and totally out of control, there is only one thing to do: stick the judgement giraffes in my butt. BAM! Judgement giraffe saves the day.

If you think I'm kidding about sticking two judgement giraffes in my butt, you obviously do not personally know me.

I hate to admit it....the judgement giraffe visits the addiverse so often that I've decided to rename myself "giraddi."  Well, not permanently but as needed.  I think the name should accompany the gesture when it is in relation to me.  The wife, my boss, friends, relatives, subordinates could gently mutter "giraddi" under their breath and give a half-giraffe salute.  That'd probably get my attention and shut my pie hole long enough to reconsider the words flowing out of it.  If I'm out of control, people could scream"GIRADDI!" while waving two judgement giraffes over their heads....but, that might be a bit much and might lead to people judging them.

Everyone should try using the judgement giraffe, whether it be toward themselves or towards others.  Actually, it might be therapeutic to surreptitiously make a giraffe at someone who is being obviously judgemental and you don't know them well enough to give them the full-giraffe salute.

Since it is probably judgemental to judge is someone is being judgemental, you have to give yourself a half-giraffe when giving a stranger a full-giraffe.

Personally, I think we should save the judgement giraffe for use on ourselves, but who am I to judge?

So, if you see me talking in a meeting or eating dinner with friends or grumbling about yet another Book de la Face post about controlling guns and you see me flash a judgement giraffe, know that I realize I am being a giraddi and will soon shut up or turn off the computer or apologize or at least consider what I am saying.  

Feel free to flash a giraddi at me.  I will appreciate it and might even put a giraffe in my butt in gratitude for your intervention.  In return and as I sign of my gratitude, I promise I will NOT try and stick a judgement giraffe into YOUR butt.
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